I’ve been trying to decide for three days what to say about our call and the word that keeps coming to mind is “Wow!” After we hung up, I was going about my business as usual, only it wasn’t as usual at all—everything was almost absurdly fun and delicious, from making a simple cup of coffee to taking out the trash. I think it would be more accurate to say that I was gallivanting about my business, laughing about things that would normally be annoying or frustrating (like accidentally spilling the recycling all over the kitchen floor) because they felt like opportunities to play instead of inconveniences. And that’s the gist of what our call did for me, really: it sort of unleashed my desire to play with anything and everything! You have the most amazing way of surfacing someone’s (totally unnecessary) self-defeating habits (like pinning all of their hopes and expectations on potential partners, in my case) in a way that makes us giggle at ourselves instead of kicking ourselves. That’s a huge distinction because one can’t get on with the business of having fun and reaching for what they want if they are too busy kicking themselves. 😛
In fact, I’ve had several memories visit me in the days since our talk, and I’m amazed at how differently I see them now. Looking back at “mishaps” that I’ve been kicking myself over for years, I’ve realized that they weren’t really even mistakes! I didn’t actually want that guy with whom I fumbled an opportunity to have a drink with in 2015 because he only half-asked. Nevermind that he is a successful actor—I want someone who is so damn sure that they want to have a drink with me, only half-asking wouldn’t even occur to him! SO THERE! 😀
I’m still tripping out on the difference between worthiness and deserving—you’re so right that they are not the same thing and that my problem was with the latter, not the former. (i.e. I knew that I was allowed to want the drink with Mr. Movie Star, but I didn’t think that I deserved it at the time. What a bunch of B.S.!) And the best part is that I am laughing about the fact that I misinterpreted that encounter for so many years, not kicking myself for it. You zeroed right in on my “roadblock” in such a remarkably short amount of time, and you didn’t bulldoze it. You didn’t argue with it. You just helped me figure out that it wasn’t really there—that there was nothing actually stopping me from stepping into my power. I’m still so surprised by all of the subconscious “shoulds” that I was inadvertently abiding by (I “should” want a lifelong relationship, I “should” want to settle down and have kids, I “should” want to do one thing with my life instead of many).
The “shoulds” aren’t necessarily gone but I feel much more able to recognize them for what they are, and choose what I want instead! You showed me just how simple it can be to stop what I’m doing, tune into the moment, and identify what I really want. And I’ll have that forever now! Thank you so much, Melody. You truly have a gift. Thank you for bringing OUR light to the world. 🙂