Coaching Call #107 – Parenting Fears: Are You Good Enough? Is Your Child Safe?
This new mom wants to respect her son’s feelings and identity, while keeping him safe. She feels at odds with her parents and family, either being suffocated by husband’s paranoia (he lost his first child to an accident), or having her fears be dismissed as invalid by her own parents.
Her healing journey took several twists and turns through her own childhood, the injustices she suffered herself, and her insecurities about whether or not she’s doing what’s best for her son. Raising children in a more conscious way can be frowned upon by those who don’t yet get it, and can seem downright irresponsible to those who are still mired in fear. How do you follow your own intuition and respect your child’s when those around you have such different (and strong) opinions?
Trigger alert: this call includes a discussion about the death of a child.
Topics covered on this call
- She felt that she was totally aligned during her pregnancy and everything lined up perfectly. But after the birth of her son, she now feels like she’s clashing with everyone
- How do you handle the fact that EVERYONE has an opinion on parenting, especially when they criticize how you’re doing it?
- Her father refuses to buckle the baby into the stroller and it drives her bonkers. Why is he being stubborn about this?
- She thought she had dealt with her anger, but she hasn’t. How can one tell?
- Working with the stroller incident to figure out the underlying belief and shifting it
- She doesn’t feel that she’s being respected as a mother
- Should people cater to the fears of parents? Are her fears justified?
- She’s afraid the grandparents will suppress her son’s true identity (Who He Really Is), the way that this was done to her (cultural suppression of self)
- She would like to raise her son with respect, allowing him his emotions and own identity, but she feels that she’s battling her family and society
- How disrespecting children’s feelings and intuition is actually setting them up for abuse (in extreme cases)
- Unearthing the memory of how she felt unsafe in the car as a child
- Why children are not as defenseless as we often think they are (they have innate guidance)
- Her husband’s first child ran out into traffic and died. This is, understandably, adding to their fears
- Why do young kids have to die, and who can we blame?
- Why she doesn’t have to make peace with the idea of her own son dying in order to heal
- Why there truly are no accidents
- You can’t see kids as powerless and acknowledge the true power within us all at the same time
- What is true power, anyway?
- Getting to the root of her insecurities around her parenting style (it goes back much further than the death of her husband’s first child)
- Strangers in support groups approving of her is not good enough. She wants her family’s approval
- Healing childhood scars that are still active today and creating current fears
- Why you can’t heal if you don’t feel
Here’s the resource I mention on the call:
In terms of validating a respect-based and intuitive parenting style, I love recommending the book Out of Control: Why Disciplining Your Child Doesn’t Work and What Will by Dr. Shefali Tsabari. This clinical psychologist (the credentials will help you shut your critics up) offers real world examples to help you apply what you intuitively want to do anyway. The parents I’ve recommended this book to have found great relief in her words. (Full disclosure: the link to Amazon is NOT an affiliate link. I just put it there for your convenience.).