Coaching Call #106 – When the Caretaker Needs To Take Care of Him/Herself
Calling all those who like to take care of others to the point of depleting themselves! This client found the strength to ask him adult family to move out of his home, so he could finally begin to live his own life. What started off as an empowered decision, however, lead to tons of guilt.
I love, love, LOVE this call. It allowed me to dissect all those stupid beliefs those of us who like to help others tend to lug around with us. That heavy sense of responsibility and obligation. Not to mention how to deal with those “helpful” souls who never fail to show us just how brain dead those beliefs are by being utterly helpless and demanding our time and attention. If you’re tired of being manipulated and want permission to take care of yourself (because not doing so actually helps no one), this is the call for you. I’m guessing that’s about 90% of you, and I may be underestimating a bit…
Topics covered on this call
- He’s feeling guilty about asking his (adult) family to move out
- His mother has never been very self-sufficient, so he’s feeling terrible about asking her to take care of herself
- He thought he was in a good place about his decision, but felt a huge sadness when they left
- As the only “responsible” male in the house, growing up, he took on a lot of responsibility early
- He wants the freedom to bring dates home, without having his mother in the next room
- His family insisted that he didn’t have to curtail his social life for them. Was he wrong to feel uncomfortable?
- The only appropriate response to someone who tells you “you shouldn’t feel that way”
- What happens when children (and then adult children) try to take on the role of caretaker
- What resentment always means
- What does it take to be a truly good person? Hint: it does NOT involve sacrificing and suffering for others
- The utter insanity of thinking that our suffering is in any way a beneficial thing (soap box moment)
- Why do people, like his mother, become so co-dependent on others?
- And how can a helper break out of that cycle?
- What “tough love” really is (the positive definition, not the cruel one)
- Why is there so much guilt associated with pulling back from doing way too much for others, and how can we release that?
- How to deal with the power struggle and manipulation that comes when you stop doing everything for others (stuff they are actually capable of doing for themselves)
- What’s the best thing you can do when someone is refusing to deal with their own shit
- Why do healers often choose such difficult childhoods?
- Why did we forget just how powerful we are?
- Why it’s ok that we’re waking up at different rates, and why you don’t ever have to (or want to) wake people up
- The only way to get others to change (yep, it all starts with you, but this actually works)
- What to do and what to focus on when people come to you in pain
- Should you listen to people vent?
- Why truly helping others is a profoundly selfish act