Coaching Call #069 – Relationship Issues, Adultery, Self-Sacrificing Women and AngerBuy
Wow. This is another one of those monster calls. The call started off being about adultery, from the cheater’s point of view. But it quickly turned into so much more. It’s really about relationships, how to communicate properly, how to own your own crap. It’s also about the issue that many women (and some men) face, of disappearing into their marriages and families, even if they think of themselves as strong.
If you think this LOA stuff is all about puppies and kittens and visualizing awesomeness, this call might shock you. I’ve written a lot about the importance of anger, the most widely misunderstood and yet most healing of emotions. In this call, I coach the client into anger. No it’s not pretty, but it’s important. It’s empowering. And it might even make you stand up, pump your fist and let out a battle cry of your own. Yeah, you might be shocked; you might even be a little offended. But you won’t regret listening to this call.
F-Bomb Alert: Yeah… this call contains the F-Bomb. It was awesome. 🙂
Topics covered on this call
- She had an extra marital affair about a year ago
- Although her husband knows about it and she feels that she’s made peace with why she had the affair, she wants to be able to let it go, and help her husband heal, as well
- Why did she cheat?
- Was her son’s illness the cause of the affair, or is there more to it?
- Has she really made peace with it, or is she simply decided to try and accept herself as a “cheater”?
- How her secret smoking and her cheating are related
- The false belief that she had to disappear in her marriage and in her family’s life, which many women have
- Getting rid of the judgement about her cheating
- She feels appreciative about her life. Why isn’t that enough?
- She doesn’t really see herself as a self-sacrificing stereotype (and doesn’t want to)
- Does she just have a need to have secrets? And is that wrong?
- How that one issue that couples tend to fight about can actually allow them to live in denial about what’s really wrong
- Her husband thinks she’s narcissistic. Is she?
- Why each person has to “own their shit”, and what that actually looks like
- Pulling her into anger, kicking and screaming (and why she really, really needs to allow herself to be angry)
- Why talking about something and truly dealing with it are two different things
- Why, at this stage, it isn’t about being fair to the “victim” or anyone else, and how striving to be fair can actually keep her from healing
- Some strong truths about what a balanced marriage is and what it isn’t
- This couple hasn’t been communicating properly for over 20 years. Can the marriage be saved?
- My rules for a successful anger release, and some ways to let anger out
- She’s tried to let her anger out in the past, but always ended up regretting it. How can she avoid or deal with the “blowback”?
- An anger release of suppressed anger vs. an anger released when you’re generally balanced
- How her husband is using her guilt to shut her anger down, and what to do about it
- It’s easy to blame the person who cheated, but why doing so keeps both parties from healing the REAL problem (which isn’t the cheating)
- Why fighting isn’t the worst thing you can do (and how it can actually be helpful)