I’ve been getting a TON of questions lately, asking me to share a (hopefully) better feeling perspective on the whole Judge Kavanaugh and Christine Ford situation. Apparently, this is a massively triggering issue, which is, once again, asking us to look at women’s role in society (including how they see themselves), the #MeToo movement, and the system oppression we still seem to be facing.
But… is it really all that bad? Or can we actually spot real signs of things getting better and better?
Watch the video below to hear what I’ve been telling my private clients.
Coaching Call #330 Is out today! The topic of this week’s call is: Should She Stay With Her Boyfriend Who’s Not Fully Committed To Just Her?
This caller recently had a baby with a man who she has an open relationship with – an open relationship where he can sleep with whoever he wants to, but he only agrees to her sleeping with other women, not other men. He’s now met someone who he’s in love with, and although she says she’s ok sharing him sexually with this other woman, what bothers her is that he’s become emotionally attached to this woman, meaning she’s not his main priority anymore.
During her pregnancy she considered ending the relationship with him, but decided against it, and now after their baby’s been born he’s asked for 2 months to decide who he wants to be with, her and their child, or this other woman.
Why did she not end this relationship during her pregnancy? Can you really have sex without some sort of emotional attachment being involved? Is she sacrificing herself too much for a man who can’t decide who he wants to be with? How can she take back her power and choose what’s right for her and her baby, and not allow him to make choices for her?
This call is for you if you’re in a relationship and decisions have to be made about what is right for you, but you’re letting someone else do the choosing.
I’ve been getting a lot of emails lately about the Judge Kavanaugh and Christine Ford debacle. If you’re not aware of what’s going on there; there’s a Supreme Court Justice nominee, and a woman has come forward and accused him of raping her in high school.
And so, I’m getting a lot of questions about that, including the Me Too movement, and I thought: You know what? Why don’t I go ahead and make a video, and address it? So, that’s what we’re talking about today. Stay tuned!
Hey, it’s Melody Fletcher, and I’ve been getting so many questions lately about the Judge Kavanaugh and Christine Ford situation. And everything that’s bringing up in our society as a whole, because this issue’s coming up more and more, in more and more places, along with the #MeToo movement. I received a question the other day, one of many, from Awesome Natasha who says:
(Regarding this situation) “I feel really triggered for some reason. Very powerless and sad about the fact that a man’s career is considered more important than a woman’s safety and right to not be sexually assaulted. I guess I feel like it’s pretty obvious that he’s lying, and it feels sickening that his life is more valuable than hers. It makes me wonder what year this is.
Taking responsibility for our powerlessness
Ok! A lot of people, not just women, are feeling this way at the moment. But, a lot of women are absolutely feeling this way, because what’s coming up is this very old – I want to even say ancient, powerlessness, that we women have within us. Now, men have their own powerlessness; don’t worry about it. But, this is one that we definitely carry around with us; and this is not the victim blaming thing. People always accuse us LOA’ers of victim blaming! This is not victim blaming, I’m not blaming the victim. I think men assaulting women, sexually, is atrocious. It’s happened to me in my life, and I’ve had to clear the powerlessness there as well.
But, we do have to always take responsibility for our own vibration, so that we can heal these things. Because, for 100’s of years, we’ve been trying to say, the men need to change; the men need to change. And yes, there will be changes in the men, but when you understand this work, you know you have to take responsibility first, and say: “Ok, what within me needs to heal?” Not: “What within me is my fault?” But: “What within me needs to heal?”
And as Awesome Natasha has demonstrated in her question, she is trying to do that work. She’s reaching out to somebody like me and saying: “What is it within me that’s causing me to get triggered? What is it within me that I can heal?” And so, there’s all this powerlessness coming up, and with it comes anger and rage. “How dare they; how dare they say that our lives aren’t valuable. How dare they say that a man’s life is more valuable than ours. How dare they say a man’s career is more valuable than a woman’s career.” And, all those: “How dare they sexually assault us. How dare they not believe us. How dare they….” And so, I wanted to explain a couple of things:
First of all – well done Awesome Natasha for starting to take responsibility for yourself, for your own vibration, and working through that; because that’s where we always have to start.
We don’t know what really happened
Second of all; now, while we don’t actually know what happened; you say, it’s obvious that he’s lying – we each have our own opinion. I have my own opinion; I can read the energy. And so, I might tell you my opinion, but…. Haha!! But really, we weren’t there! We weren’t there. And so, how do we really know what happened? Let’s not start with the premise of: This is definitely true; or this is definitely false. Which is where people on both sides are! “He’s definitely lying.” – “She’s definitely lying.” Let’s start from a premise of saying, “All of us having this discussion right now, have not freaking’ idea what actually happened; we have to go off of what we’re seeing and the reactions that we’re seeing. And so, if you take that out of it, that you get to judge whether or not it happened, or even that you have to judge whether or not it happened – just remove that and stick with where you are right now.
And, what we have here is a situation where a professional woman has come forward, after many, many years, and said, “This happened to me. This man assaulted me.” And then, we can see his reaction off of that. Right? And, I actually had to go look up the transcripts because when I first got a question from somebody about this, I had no idea what they were talking about. This hadn’t even hit my radar. But, I went and looked at some of the transcripts, and what we can see from the reactions – made me happy. I know that you’re sitting there right now going, “What?! Are you a sociopath?” Nope!! Let me explain why it made me happy.
Things have started to change
I’m not happy about the fact that women still have a long way to go; and that women are still routinely not believed. And that claiming and coming forward with an accusation of sexual assault can ruin the woman’s life. Now, it’s starting to ruin some men’s life too, but mostly, it’s just going to ruin the woman’s life. What I’m happy about is the changes I’m seeing; because I’m not delusional, I know how bad it used to be. And, I can tell you from personal experience, if you’re looking at it over the course of my lifetime – and, if you’re 20 years old, maybe you haven’t seen that much yet – but over the course of my lifetime, which isn’t that long, I’ve seen tremendous change; tremendous change in this issue. Those of us who are old enough to remember this whole thing already having gone down with Clarence Thomas and Anita Hill. If you remember back to that, the entire thing was a total shit-show. I mean, everybody just shit on Anita. That’s basically what it was!
She was a professional woman coming forward with claims and she was laughed out of there!! She wasn’t even given any credibility; the media tore her apart. This is a little different. Not that much time has passed, but this is very, very different.
Women are starting to be believed more
We had Senators telling Christine Ford that she was absolutely not on trial, and they kept reminding each other this was not a trial of Christine Ford, this was a job interview for Judge Kavanaugh. And the public did not respond with an automatic, overwhelming, “Oh my God! The bitch!! I can’t believe that she would say this. She’s obviously lying.” So, the response may not have been overwhelmingly, “Oh my God! This guy is a horrible dude.” It was mixed, but the fact that it isn’t all one sided in the negative anymore, or the unwanted for, people who believe Christine Ford, is a really good sign that women are more believed. And, we can always look at it and go, “Well, we’re not believed 100%.” Ok; but we’re more believed than we ever have been. There’s more credence.
Why the good guys don’t understand what’s going on with women right now
I want to also explain something that I think a lot of people don’t know. And that is, because I have great compassion for both sides. I have great compassion for all the men that are out there right now, who are really confused by what’s going on, who are getting really angry, who have their own powerlessness to deal with. Like I said, they have theirs too. And, it’s because, here’s the thing:
Everybody only really understands their own experience and their own perspective. And, the majority of men out there, the great majority of men out there, the silent majority, the ones that you barely ever hear from; they’re good guys. They’re not creeps. They’re good guys. And, this is why it’s so hard for them to understand what is happening with women right now, and why they’re freaking out so much. Because, they’ve never seen this behavior; they’ve never witnessed this behavior. It wouldn’t occur to anyone of them to sexually assault a woman, to force a woman into a situation that clearly makes her incredibly uncomfortable. Or even to force her to have sex, or to rape her. This doesn’t occur to these kinds of men! That’s not where their thoughts are, and they have a hard time believing that anybody who seemed like them, that they can identify with, would do something like that. Because they would not do something like that. And so, they think that we’re accusing all these men of doing things that they didn’t do, and that they didn’t know were wrong. And so, they’re thinking, “Well, you know, in the 80’s sometime, I told some woman that her hair looked nice; is she going to come back and now cry sexual assault?”
That’s not what we’re talking about, guys!! That is not what we’re talking about!
These guys actually committed sexual assault, and they knew it was WRONG.
Oh, go fuck yourself, if you think – “Oh, I didn’t know that whipping out my penis in a business meeting was wrong.”
Yes, you did!! Yes, you did!
Women blame themselves for a sexual assault
So, we’re talking about real creepy dudes here. We’re not talking about the majority of men; we’re talking about real creepy dudes. And yes, they did do that, but here’s the thing: They seem normal; they seem nice, they seem professional, to everyone, including the woman that was assaulted. And, I cannot tell you how many women, if not all of them, have sat there, after having something happen to them, and thought, at least partially, maybe this was my fault. Because it’s so hard to believe that this seemingly upstanding citizen, seemingly nice guy, that everybody else thinks is a nice guy too, that you thought was a nice guy, could do something so horrific. And, it takes us a long time to overcome that; that feeling of, maybe I provoked it somehow. Maybe, it’s my fault because he’s just; he doesn’t seem like that kind of person. If it’s some evil guy that looks like a predator, and that grabs you in the park, that’s something different. But most sexual assaults actually happen by people that we know.
Why some people find a sexual assault difficult to believe
And so, what happens is that we have such a hard time believing that somebody, who seems that nice, could possibly do that to us, that we sometimes actually question our own sanity. And so, I totally understand why people who didn’t even witness that, and have never witnessed it, have never experienced it; if a woman who’s been subject to sexual assault most of her life can hardly believe it, then how can we expect somebody who’s never even witnessed that, that sort of thing even goes on?
It’s not that these nice guys, these good guys, are being assholes by not instantly believing us. It’s that we’re asking them to make a big paradigm change, where they understand that the world does not work the way that it did. And, that their friend might actually be a predator, and knows full well what he’s doing. This is not a case of mistaken identity, this is not a case of saying something wrong at the wrong time, and then, it coming back to haunt you 40 years later. Because you told somebody she looked nice, or because you asked somebody out at work, and now she’s like, “RAPE!” That’s not what we’re talking about here. What we’re talking about is real sexual assault that actually happened, and it happens much more often than people think it does.
You would be shocked if you saw some of the clients that I deal with; and how often I have to deal with healing sexual assault in children – in children – childhood sexual assault, ritualistic sexual assault. You wouldn’t believe how much of that I see in my practice. And, the reason that I do is because this is pretty rampant.
Women coming forward can ruin their lives
Now, that doesn’t mean I want to scare anybody and say like: “Oh, rapists are everywhere!” No, they’re not!! But, let’s just wrap our head around the fact that there is more of that going on than maybe you thought. And, let’s open up our minds to the idea that these women predominately are telling the truth. How do I know these women are predominately telling the truth? Well, first of all, I can read their energy. And, second of all, I can tell you, with no reading energy, just logic, that to come forward and to make an accusation like that can still, to this day, and certainly up until a couple of years ago, pretty much guarantee, was going to ruin the woman’s life. Ruin her life!
I mean, look at what happened to poor Monica Lewinsky. That wasn’t even sexual assault. That was just something we considered inappropriate. And when we can all agree that if you’re going to judge the situation as inappropriate, wouldn’t it be on the guy who was married, and her boss; who took advance of the situation?? No, we destroyed her life. Right? Because she’s the woman!
That was not that long ago. So, let’s just think about this for a minute; how, even an intelligent, professional woman who has options, who has access to a lawyer, might really hesitate to come forward and make such an accusation. Because you know what? She may just be adding insult to injury. She just wants it over with, she just wants it to go away; she wants to get on with her life. She wants to heal from it, and putting yourself through this kind of process; even as Christine Ford, years later is discovering – is brutal. Even in today’s time. What year are we in? We’re in 2018. It is better than it has ever been; it is nowhere near where we want it to be; but it is better than it has ever been.
And, that’s the point that makes me happy.
Because men are waking up and struggling with this situation. Women are waking up; the #MeToo movement is all about rage and anger coming out, and women standing up and saying, “No more! No more.” Raising awareness of the fact that this happens, and this happens to a lot of us. I was one of the people who put my hand up in #MeToo. Absolutely has happened to me; happened to me several times in my life. Not recently, but it has happened.
Stepping into empowerment
And, these were things that I could shift within myself; these were things that I could heal within myself. So now, I don’t attract sexual predators anymore. I did, even in childhood. But, I no longer do. And so, that’s that taking responsibly. I know what that looks like, and this is the beginning of what that really looks like, of stepping into empowerment. This is what it looks like. People get mad, people stand up; people aren’t going to take it anymore. And, what I’m watching for is the crowd’s reaction, the overall reaction; and watching for that to move into a different direction. And, I absolutely see that. Is it where we want it to be? No! And we can acknowledge that, while also acknowledging and celebrating how far we have come, and that the tide is turning; that things are getting better.
What we want is balance
Now, that doesn’t mean that we should let up. Let’s keep raising awareness, let’s keep getting mad, let’s keep shouting it out; let’s keep healing, let’s keep working on ourselves. Let’s keep acknowledging what you don’t want, and looking at what we do want instead. And, what we want instead, as far as I’m concerned, is not to put men in their place, and rule above them. What we want is balance. We’ve had the extremes, let’s have balance; where men and women can just be with each other as human beings. Where we can partner up, we can work together. We can be friends together; we can be friends without having to have sex. Oh my God! That’s a whole different video. Where we can be comfortable with each other; where we’re not fighting each other, where it’s not us against them. Where we have compassion for each other. And, that means that we women have to have compassion for the men too.
Have compassion for men
I know that’s going to rile a lot of feathers because you’re thinking, “Arrrh! We’ve had compassion for them for years!! When’s it going to be our turn?” Just compassion for the idea that this may be a bigger pill for them to swallow. Because it’s been a pretty big pill for us to swallow. It took us a lot of years to fully understand that it’s not our fault. They still have to go through some of that. It’s not going to take them as long, but they still have to go through some of that. And, you have to understand that men – the good guy men – have not been witnessing this. They have not been witnessing this and shutting their eyes to it.
Now, as they start to wake up, they may realize that they have been witnessing some of it on the periphery. And they just didn’t understand what they were seeing; and now they’re getting it more. “Oh my God! That guy was a creep. I didn’t even realize.” But, it’s a big realization to have about people that you, maybe really care about, or think are really nice or even look up to.
And so, see how many times, how many women had to come forward about Cosby before the collective consciousness went. “Oooh, oh God! I think he actually did all that stuff.” It’s so hard to believe when somebody’s seems nice and normal. It’s really hard to believe.
My opinion on the Kavanaugh, Ford Situation
So, I told you I’m going to give you my opinion on the Kavanaugh, Ford situation. Yeah; he’s a – he’s lying! I’m going to keep it real clean now, but he’s lying!! He’s lying. That’s really apparent!! He’s caught out; and the thing that I’m looking at is: This is somebody who’s up to be a judge, to be a Supreme Court Justice, which is, arguably the most trusted position in the entire country – and he can’t take responsibility. He went right back into high school energy, and went, “Nah! I didn’t do it! No brah, no brah, I didn’t do it.” That was what I was reading off of him.
And so, I would have liked to see somebody who is up for that kind of job interview, for that kind of position, take more responsibility, and say: “You know what? Yes, this happened; and here’s what happened, and I feel deeply ashamed. And, I think that we need to raise more awareness about this.” And, would it have maybe ended his Supreme Court Justice shot for that position? Maybe! But, I would have had a great deal more respect for him if he did that. If he just took responsibility; not in a – I didn’t know it was wrong – kind of way, but like – I didn’t really understand the repercussions of what I was doing. And, I didn’t fully understand what I was doing – Because, that’s actually the truth. Because, people who do that, especially when they’re drinking, and they’re young; they don’t fully understand what they’re doing. That is not to let them off the hook, not letting anybody off the hook here, but it’s just saying, let’s bring some light to every piece of this conversation, and let’s start taking responsibility.
Own it when you’ve done something wrong
So, if you’ve done something wrong in the past; you know what? Own it, and move on from it. Allow yourself to heal from it, by owning it. And, understand that you may have played into that energy, unwittingly, unknowingly, or only half knowingly. But, I do not for a second accept that an adult male, in his 40’s, who is whipping his penis out in boardrooms, or touching women’s body parts, or pressuring them for sex, doesn’t have an inkling that, that’s wrong. I’m sorry; you fucking do!!
Alright! So, there was my slight soapbox video about the MeToo movement and the Judge Kavanaugh, Christine Ford situation. Hopefully, it was able to give you some relief, or some things to think about. If you want to get on your own soapbox, go ahead and do it in the comments. Always respectfully, otherwise, we do remove your comments. No trolls allowed, but if you want to add respectfully to this conversation, then I absolutely welcome that.
Until next week; I’m Melody Fletcher, and I’m sending you huge happy shinny puppies hugs; as well as, I want to thank you for bringing your light to this world. Bye.