If you’ve always wanted to meditate, but you haven’t been able to really get it to work, or you haven’t been able to make yourself do it, then today’s video is for you.
Coaching Call #227 is out! The topic for this week’s call is: How Can She Set Boundaries In Her Relationships?
This caller’s relationship recently ended because her ex didn’t support her when she disciplined his children. The children rebelled against her and as a consequence they split up. Unfortunately for her, not only did his children turn against her but other members of his family also turned against her.
This call is all about setting boundaries and honoring yourself. We explore why children need and welcome guidelines from adults and who the right person is to set those guidelines. I also explain why people throw tantrums and fight against us when we finally set a boundary with them, and what you can do to make sure that the boundary gets honored.
If you’re struggling with honoring yourself and you want to know how to set boundaries, both for yourself and with other people, this call is for you.
Awesome Alex’s Burning Question:
“Dear Amazing Melody,
I’ve been deliberately practicing LOA for a few years now, and I’ve been doing really great! I am in love with myself and all these amazing things are happening around me that I can’t wait to become a match with! I feel like I’m right around the corner from all this amazing stuff and I know I need to back off, which I’ve tried, but can’t seem to do. So I want to meditate to solve my problems, but I can’t stop resisting meditation. I want to meditate and I think meditation is the answer to everything (want super powers? Meditate!), but I resist it and have to fight with myself to do it. I know I’m not alone on this, so why do we resist meditation?”
Well Awesome Alex, thank you so much for asking this question, because I think you’re right. A lot of people struggle with meditation, because they’ve read or heard somewhere that meditation is a really powerful tool; they may even resonate with the idea of it, and then they go home and try to do the Lotus position, but they can’t. Who amongst us can?! They try to do the “Om-Om” and it doesn’t work, because their minds just won’t slow down. There are many different definitions to meditation that, first of all, have to be acknowledged. Here’s my definition of it: It’s you becoming fully present in the moment; it’s you becoming aware. There are many ways to do that, and you don’t necessarily have to sit going “Om-Om”, or something like that.
Most of us can’t go and sit on a mountain
Here’s the thing about our culture: a lot of the meditation information comes from Eastern cultures that are very valid and very valuable, but the problem is that not all of us can go up onto a mountain and meditate for 6 months and step out of our lives. Most of us have shit to do! We have families; we have jobs; we have business to run; we have mouths to feed; we have relationships to be there for; we have the grocery store to go to; we have to go to our job and deal with our boss. We have to do all these things and we need our minds. A lot of the time people think that meditation is about shutting down the mind. And then your mind, which you’ve come to rely heavily upon and which you need in order to live in this world, rebels. And of course it does, because normally, you rely upon it, but then you suddenly say “Go away mind, you need to stop now; you need to just shut up!”
The way that I teach meditation is for you to do anything that gets you into that nice calm zone. For a lot of people in this society, that actually isn’t sitting down and trying to clear their mind of everything, because that’s when all the stuff they are not normally thinking about, or the stuff they are trying to hang onto on their to-do lists, all the crazy stuff, starts to come up. A lot of people find that when they start to do an activity like walking, or running, or doing the dishes, or gardening, or whatever their thing is, this actually helps them. When you’re doing something that is physically active, but which you don’t have to think about, your mind can slow down and get into that meditative state.
Our minds think they are the boss
It isn’t about quieting the mind to where there’s pure silence. That’s something that can happen, and certainly something that can happen down the line, but when you’re first starting meditation think about it this way: It’s not about silencing the mind; it’s about becoming aware of the mind but not letting it rule you, not engaging with it. It’s like becoming aware of your mind like it’s a three year old running around saying “Look at me! Look at me!”, and you saying to it, “I’m just going to observe this, but I’m not going to run after you anymore.” The problem is not that we have a strong mind, or that our minds are engaged. The problem is that we’ve made our minds the boss; but they were never meant to be the boss.
Our mind is a powerful, powerful tool and a powerful, powerful friend that we have. It’s really good for us to use, but it shouldn’t be in charge. Meditation is a really good way to start the process of taking back ownership and no longer putting the mind in charge. Do anything that you can do that puts you in that state where you can watch what is happening, watch the thoughts, watch the chaos, watch the running around, watch the panic, but don’t allow it to suck you in. Don’t run after the three year old; let it run and it will run itself out. That is what I’ve found to be much more valuable in terms of beginning a meditation practice than staring at a symbol or Om-ing. If that works for you, great. I’m not disparaging that. But if that doesn’t work for you, this is something that you might want to try. You might be doing activities that don’t fit the traditional definition of meditation, but it will be much more helpful.
Stop doing things you don’t want to do
The other thing that I want to say to you, about the part of your question where you say you’re forcing yourself to meditate… Why? Why are you forcing yourself to do something that you don’t really want to do? Stop it! Go and do something that you really do want to do instead. Again, a meditative state can be something that is fun or something that is already relaxing for you. For example, I go to a luxury spa in Austria; that relaxes me. It’s very meditative while I’m getting my facial and my toes done! It can be something where you feel you’re treating yourself. It can be a very conscious practice as you’re sitting and watching your mind running around. It can also be something where you allow yourself to come to peace. Go with what works for you in the moment and let it evolve from there, instead of forcing yourself to do something (based on a definition that you read somewhere), that isn’t working for you.
I hope I’ve answered your question and then some.
Now it’s your turn: how do you get into the meditative state? What’s worked for you?
Until next week, thank you for bringing you light to the world. Bye!