I LOVE today’s question! My two nephews, who are 10 and 13, were in the room when I shot this video, and I couldn’t appreciate the chance to answer this question more. A reader wants to be cool, but whenever she tries to be just like the “cool kids”, it doesn’t go well for her. Can she be her weird, non-conformist, wonderful self and still be cool? Watch today’s video to find out how I answered this one!
Coaching Call #190 is out! The topic of this week’s call is: She Doesn’t Stand Up For Herself – Is This Connected To Her Excess Weight?
This caller contacted me because she wants to release her excess weight. A physical symptom, like excess weight (for this caller), can mean there’s an imbalance with our energy, and it was clear early on in the call that she doesn’t stand up for herself, especially with her current boyfriend, who is verbally abusive towards her. She feels powerless to set boundaries with him (and in previous relationships), and so the cycle continues. Why does she allow herself to be treated this way, and how can she regain her power and see her own self worth in all its shining glory?
Listen in as we discuss how excess weight is connected to feelings of unworthiness and what she can do to regain her power, learn to stand up for herself and be the strong, powerful woman she really is.
This call is for you if you’re feeling powerless and unworthy but you’re ready to learn how to regain your power and be who you really are.
Awesome Dudette’s Burning Question:
“Dear Melody, how do you conform when it doesn’t come naturally? Where I live, most people (particularly the stylish ones) wear simple and classic clothing. It’s a polished and tasteful look, and I would like to conform more to fit in with them. However, I’ve always been drawn to edgier fashion and people who have unique styles. It seems that I’ve always secretly admired eccentricity and failed whenever I’ve followed style rules in the past. Many of the people in my life could be said to be quite alternative and outside of the norm.
I feel it’s very difficult to dress in style and look like a fashion blogger. But I feel that I should. I want to be stylish and like the cool kids, but I don’t want to lose myself.”
Here’s my answer:
Thanks Awesome Dudette, for a wonderful question! I’m really glad I get a chance to answer this because I think it’s something that particularly a lot of our young people need to hear. Everybody wants to be part of the cool crowd and everybody wants to conform, because they feel like they should. They don’t really want to, but they think their lives will be better if they do. But you see, here’s the big paradox, and it’s something that I will happily tell my two nephews: You are not cool if you are conforming!
Conformity isn’t cool
The cool kids are the ones who do their own thing, and they don’t give a crap what anybody thinks about them. Look at who the cool people are in the world; look at the people who actually make the impact; look at the people who are actually famous; and look at the people who stand out in a positive way. They are the ones who are being themselves and who are doing what they want to be doing with all their heart. They are using their creativity, they are being who they really are, and they are not letting anybody telling them not to do it.
What I get from your question is that you don’t really want to dress the way other people are dressing, you want to dress how you actually want to dress, and it hasn’t gone well for you in the past when you tried to do otherwise. So my advice is: don’t go down that road!
Be who you really are
Give yourself permission to be who you actually are. Remember the world doesn’t need a bunch of copy cats; it needs you – who you actually are! If there was not a need for you, actually who you are, in all your unique glory, you wouldn’t even exist! You are here for a reason and that reason is to bring your unique gift to the world. Don’t deny us that gift by trying to conform to some cookie cutter way for other people, who by the way, don’t want to conform either but are forcing themselves to fit in – out of fear.
Step out of that fear and go ahead and be your gorgeous, fabulous, unique, eccentric self. It definitely worked for me!! Look where it got me! And you can do it too!
I hope I’ve answered your question. If you think this message is valuable for somebody who you know, or a young person, please do share it on social media or email it to a friend who might need to hear this today.
What’s your idea of being cool? Do you feel cool and if so, please share how and why. What do you feel has contributed to your coolness?
As always, if you’d like to ask a question of your own, you can submit one using this link.
This has been this week’s Q&A. I’ll see you next time! Bye!