Coaching Call #157 is out! The topic of this week’s call is: How Can She Get Her Voice Heard Around Other People?
This caller has already done a lot of work with LOA and is starting to feel a lot better about herself but she still has an underlying belief that makes her feel afraid around some people. She doesn’t think they hear her when she talks and she blames this on not being good enough for them. She’d love to be a confident and outgoing person but she has no idea how to get there.
Why does she feel this way and why is the universe giving her experiences that match this fear? Listen in as we work through this limiting belief and to what happens to your reality when you remove it.
This call is for you if you have a belief that you’re not good enough and you want to have the confidence to be who you really are around other people.
Awesome Dudette’s Burning Question is:
“What do you do when it feels like the universe, life, and yourself are all against you? How do you get out of a cycle of self-sabotage? Whenever I take responsibility, I end up blaming myself for doing so many things wrong and feel worse than before, even more put off from doing exercises that could shine light on limiting beliefs. I rarely feel inspired to act towards my greatest desires, and when I motivate myself to do so, it feels very tedious and full of struggle. Thus I feel completely stuck in life and like I keep myself from what I really want; I keep sabotaging myself.”
Here’s my answer:
Well awesome Dudette, here’s the thing: Taking responsibility and blaming yourself are not even close to the same thing. Although, most people do tend to confuse the two. Here’s the difference:
Responsibility and self blame
When you take responsibility for how you feel, your emotions, your vibration and your creative power…….It’s empowering. That means, now you know you can do something about the situation. You’re looking forward and towards what you want, with the belief you can get it, and you’re willing to allow yourself to feel better. When you’re in self blame, on the other hand, what happens is, you put a real negative focus on yourself. You get stuck in what I call; ‘The Cycle of Doom’ and you’re not taking responsibility for your vibration or your creative power. You’re trying to take responsibility for how screwed up you are, how many mistakes you’ve made and how you’ve really messed up your life, and blah-blah-blah………. None of that is going to feel really good and that just feeds negative emotion back onto yourself. This causes you to feel worse – you feed that back onto yourself – and that causes you to feel even worse and now, you’re stuck in the cycle of doom.
Stop blaming yourself
The way to get out of that cycle is by taking responsibility, not blame; you’ve got to stop blaming yourself. You are where you are, you’ve done what you’ve done – yes maybe you’ve made some mistakes, we all have, but you’ve got to be ok with that. Every time you’ve made a mistake, in that moment, recognize you were really only doing the best that you could, at the time.
Here’s the thing you want to avoid: Do not judge your past self, even last week’s past self, even 10 minutes ago past self, by what you know now. Do not look at yourself through hindsight glasses. That’s kind of like, looking at yourself when you were 5 years old and saying, “God, Why wasn’t I reading Tolstoy, I was so stupid,” – just because you can read it now. You couldn’t then, you didn’t know as much as you know now. So don’t judge your past self, on what you know now. You did the best that you could; you chose the best feeling option that you could. Is it an option that you’d choose now? Probably not, but that doesn’t mean that at the time, you made a mistake. You did the best that you could; you learnt from it, you moved on. Maybe there’s more to learn from it now – that’s something you can get into as you explore your own emotions. It doesn’t mean you made a mistake and it doesn’t mean you have to keep harping on and on to yourself about how horrible you are or how many stupid things you’ve done. You really haven’t done anything stupid; you always did the best that you could.
A constructive anger release
So, here’s my advice: Go ahead and let the emotions come up, as you’ve been trying to do, but do not swop over into self blame. Feel the frustration of how stuck you are, feel the trapped feeling of that. The next thing that’s probably going to come up is anger, probably a fair amount of it. I did a dedicated video here on “How to have a Constructive Anger Release.”
You want to let this anger out but you don’t want to let it out in a damaging way. Do not shut down the anger and do not direct the anger at yourself. It’s one of the rules of a constructive anger release and the biggest no-no is to direct the anger at yourself. That’s actually what you’re doing right now. The anger’s coming up, the frustration’s coming up, turning into anger, you direct it at yourself and that’s exactly what that cycle of doom is. You’re getting pulled into anger, anger wants to empower you and…….. you shut it down. This causes you to feel even worse, anger comes up and…… you shut it down. Every time you do that you just keep yourself more and more stuck.
Here’s a little technique that you can do to break that: Instead of getting angry with yourself, get angry at somebody else. Anybody else! You can be angry at God, The Universe, The Government, your ex-boyfriend, your Mother, it doesn’t matter who you’re angry at. If you do it constructively, it means you don’t do it to their face, you don’t send them a hateful email and you don’t go out and break somebody’s nose. You just do this in your own home. Let the angry flow out towards someone else and away from yourself. You will actually have an angry release instead of it just coming up and going back into the cycle of doom. Then you will become unstuck, you’ll have an energy rush and you will feel a whole lot better.
You will become more inspired to take action. The reason you can’t take action right now, why it feels so hard, is because you’re trying to take action too soon. You’re trying to take action without having aligned your energy with what you want. It’s like there’s this wall of resistance that’s come up and you’re trying to walk through it but instead, you keep hitting right into it. You can’t do that; you have to release it first. I promise you, action will be inspired, you will feel a lot better and you will have that passionate, joyful life you want.
That was my A to your Q. If you like this content please consider sharing it with somebody who would find it valuable as well. And if you’ve had any kind of issues with self-sabotage or self blame, join the discussion by leaving a comment below.
Huge happy shiny puppy hugs to all of you, and see you next time.