Awesome Dudette’s Burning Question: “I have been manically re-reading your blog posts and I am really struggling with something. In the post Does The Universe Give Us What We Want Or What’s Best For Us? and also on one of the coaching calls (I think #93) you talk about the way the thing we think we want is actually the HOW and that this is the universe’s job, not ours. I am confused.
Let’s say I really like a metallic blue Honda CR-V. Every time I see one my heart skips a beat. I just love it. Now, I don’t know much about cars and, frankly, a car may not even be the best thing for me right now. So the universe brings me the thing that is what I ‘really want’ – comfort, safety, good economy, etc. – it brings me a white Volvo. I like the Volvo, it is a good car, it is reliable, it goes well. But it is not the thing that made my heart sing. So what I don’t understand is: if the physical thing is the how, and the universe is going to bring us what is best for us rather than what we want, how is that deliberate? If we can only ‘specify’ general things, like feelings, then we are not the powerful creators of our world, we are just like kids whose mother is actually pretty good at knowing what they really want and need and giving them that. I get that the universe is not hampered by being human, like our mothers are. But if the universe is deciding for me then I am still at the mercy of someone else making the decisions for me.”
Dear Awesome Dudette,
I’m glad I get the chance to clarify this bit, it’s something so many people struggle with. It’s totally worth repeating. Over and over and over again. Ha.
Ok, so the whole point of that post was that the Universe is NOT your momma. It will NOT give you what it thinks is best for you. It will always bring you what you want, providing you’re aligned with it. If you’re not aligned with it, it will bring you whatever is closest to what you want that you will allow. Notice the stuff in italics. That’s the important bit that your question is missing.
Why did you get a Volvo?
Let’s take a look at the perfect scenario. What if you had been totally aligned with what you wanted? How would the Honda/Volvo scenario have turned out?
The Honda was a representation of what you wanted, something you could focus on that would elicit delicious feelings from you. You recognized that the manifestation that truly matches what you want might not be a Honda and you’re ok with that. You just want it to feel the way the Honda makes you feel. If there’s a car out there (or an experience) that feels even MORE like that, you’re good with that. And, given your alignment, that’s exactly what would’ve manifested – that Honda or something even better. And you would’ve recognized it as a stellar manifestation and much happy dancing would’ve ensued.
But that’s not what happened. You got a Volvo instead. Nice, secure, a match to much of what you wanted, but it doesn’t make your heart sing. Did the Universe step in and say “a Volvo is better for you. No Honda for you!” No!
The Volvo showed up as a representation of what you were a match to right now, not as a full representation of what you want. It’s as close to what you want as you’ll allow right now, that’s all. Getting a Volvo instead of a Honda doesn’t mean that you don’t get to have what you want, it simply means you still have a bit of vibrational tweaking to do. So, how do you do that?
Your manifestation is a reflection
Well, first of all, stop shitting all over the Volvo. I know you don’t think you are, but you totally are. This is not your one and only manifestation, the last one you’ll ever get in your life, so take it or leave it. This is part of a never ending progression, with you tweaking and fine tuning your vibration as you go, as well as discovering new desires along the way. Why does everything have to be so damn dramatic? “Oh Gawd!” you wail (the proverbial you, not you specifically, although kind of also you specifically), “why, oh why didn’t the Universe give me what I wanted? This one manifestation must mean that I don’t get to have what I want. It’s never what I want! I suck! The world sucks! The Universe sucks! Waaaaaaaa!”
So, after years and years of being trained out of your natural ability to receive your reality easily and joyfully, do you really think that you’re going to be a master at it instantly? What kind of standard are you holding yourself to, anyway? And I know, you think you’ve been at this for years, but consider much of that time as having gone towards “deprogramming” instead of deliberately applying LOA principles. It took you a while to get to the point where you were able to remember what you’re truly capable of.
Look at the manifestation at hand, the Volvo in this case, and determine what it’s mirroring back to you. Look at what you like about it – this is the good stuff that you are now a match to, and which you no longer need to worry about tweaking. You are a match to a reliable, well running, safe and secure car. Bravo! It’s well worth acknowledging that this is progress and celebrating it. This is not the same as resigning yourself to the fact that you can’t do any better.
Now, look at what the Volvo manifestation has not yet provided, and that’s the stuff you still need to tweak. You’re not a match to those items on your list yet. It doesn’t make your heart sing. Well, then you’re not yet quite a match to the experience of a singing heart. Why not? The simple answer is: your heart has not been singing. You see, if you’re asking for a car to come in and make your heart sing, you’re going to be waiting a long time. That’s like walking up to the mirror and saying “I need you to smile so I can be happy. And that will make me smile.” It’s never going to work. No mirror has the power to reflect something that you’re not currently projecting. If your heart is not already singing, no car can come in that will make you feel that way.
Tweaking your vibration
So, there’s your message. The thing that’s “missing” from your current manifestation is the thing you’re not yet a match to. But, you won’t become a match to that if you,
- Are disappointed for not yet getting the final manifestation, a representation of what you want but aren’t yet fully a match to
- Decide that this crappy manifestation means that you now can’t EVER get what you want, which means that you’re using what is actually a positive and helpful thing to create and perpetuate the energy of what you don’t want
- Decide that something clearly went wrong instead of looking for what went right
- Forget that this is a progression, a work in progress, and that you’re not done
In my last post about my book deal with Hay House, I described the steps I took to keep me in alignment. One of these was that I never made any manifestation or opportunity into “the ONE”. I always stayed open to seeing how each manifestation would serve me and where it would take me. And sure, the progression was pretty straightforward in that case. You might think “sure, it’s easy to stay positive when everything that comes into your reality is awesome.”
Ok, so let me give you another example:
The development of the New Bullshit Fairy
Some of you may recall the Bullshit Fairy character I developed and posted on Facebook a while back. He looked like a disgruntled cartoon Danny Devito in a tutu, and threw out snarky but insightful comments. People loved him. I had originally just made the little posters for myself (I like to play), but the Happy Shiny Puppy Army went wild. The problem was that I didn’t own the rights to the image outright. So if the Bullshit Fairy got really big and famous, anyone could’ve come along and bought the same stock image for a small amount of cash. I wanted something more proprietary. And so, I stopped publishing BS Fairy quotes and went in search of an artist.
This is where the progression comes in. First, I contacted the artist of the original fairy. He replied to my very nice and complimentary inquiry with a one sentence, impersonal and cold mail. No thank you. I don’t work with people who aren’t happy and shiny and this guy, well, wasn’t. I could’ve despaired at this point, noting how I had placed all my hopes on this artist and if he couldn’t do it, no one could. He was my Volvo (Volvo #1), and obviously, if things don’t work out right away, they never will, right? Wrong. I just realized that working with THIS particular artist was not the way to go. I also realized that I wanted an artist who was enthusiastic about the Fairy and what he/she represented (bit of tweaking).
The next artist (Volvo #2) I tried was much friendlier, but his version of the fairy didn’t cause any kind of emotional response in me. Something was clearly off, but I couldn’t figure out what. I had to concede that the offness of the whole thing meant that something wasn’t yet aligned. I had to let it go for a while and wait for more input. And so I did, all the while KNOWING that the Fairy would eventually be born, and he/she would feel exactly the way I wanted him/her to. Ok, screw it, the fairy is now a girl. I was going to keep that for the end reveal, but this pronoun hell is annoying me, so, from now on, it’s “she”.
A few months went by, during which I manifested a whole lot of other stuff, but left this topic alone. Whenever the subject of the fairy came up, I soothed myself by remembering how I wanted her to feel, and worked my way into that feeling. I didn’t make the fairy responsible for generating that feeling in me. I got excited all on my own. I anticipated her arrival, without getting hung up on exactly when that had to be.
Then, one night, I’m talking to my sister and Happy Shiny Assistant Tina, who asked “Why does the BS Fairy have to be a little fat man? Why can’t it be a hot, quirky blonde chick?” This led to the realization (Duh! moment) that Danny Devito is not the Bullshit Fairy. I am. And I always have been. Apparently, I was, once again, the last to know.
After this shift in perspective, the next artist (Volvo #3) just kind of gravitated into my reality by accident (but not). And that’s when we started designing what would eventually (notice, not immediately) turn into a freaking awesome masterpiece. The first version, while it captured much of the essence I wanted, was far from perfect. There were many elements I loved (the good stuff), but there were also elements I didn’t love. My actual feedback to the artist was “I do not have, nor have I ever had cankles.” Let’s just say, she was a bit, um, too curvy, and her head was shaped a bit like that of Stewie from Family Guy. I don’t think I have a football shaped head. I could be wrong. But again, it was a work in progress, so no one despaired. We expected to have to make some edits. You should too. It makes life a lot more fun.
The problem was that I’ve never designed a character before. I’m more of an “I know it when I see it” kind of person. So, I often had no idea what I wanted until I saw what I didn’t want, manifested into a cartoon I could actually, physically lay my eyes on. Having a physical version to work with made it much easier to tweak. “Oh!” I would say, “I didn’t realize I don’t want her to have a football shaped head!” I hadn’t ever really thought about head shapes before, you see, so had made no specific mention of it in the original brief. But when the head didn’t look right, I suddenly realized I cared very much about footballness (American Football, not the soccer ball one) of the fairy’s noggin. The same goes for dress color, and lip placement and facial expression (which took ages). Every time I thought I knew what I wanted and told the artist, I would get exactly that, only to realize it wasn’t yet quite right.
We went through several iterations, each one closer to what I was looking for, each one showing me what I still needed to tweak, until all the details had been ironed out. It was not an instant process. But it was fun to see the evolution of the fairy, and seeing each version come closer and closer to what I wanted.
This is the perfect representation of how manifestations come about: I pointed myself in the general direction of what I wanted, to the best of my ability, and then tweaked my vibration using the manifestations that came in. At no time did I exclaim “Well, if you can’t get it right in one try, you’re obviously a crap artist!”, or “Well, if I can’t get it perfectly on the first try, I’m obviously crap at explaining!”, or “This must mean the Fairy is not meant to be! Waaaaaaa!”
And as I went through this progression, I got a better and better idea of what I truly wanted, allowing me to line up with that energy more and more until it all came together beautifully (Honda!). And yes, I’ll be revealing the new Bullshit Fairy shortly. Tease, tease, tease. Ha.
You do get to have what you want. You do get to receive manifestations that are even better than anything you can imagine. But not if you insist on pooping on every manifestation that comes for not being perfect. It’s a progression. Getting a Volvo doesn’t mean that you can’t get a Honda (and soon, the idea that you will now have to wait a certain amount of time to manifest another car is a limiting belief…). Isn’t it great that the Universe will show you what your current vibration is, instead of forcing you to wait for ANY manifestation until you’re completely aligned with what you want? I mean, how would you even know what needs to be tweaked? Without manifestations to help you shift your energy, how would you ever become a match to anything you wanted? How would you ever manifest anything? It really would be down to luck – you’d have to stumble across the right frequency. With no feedback mechanism in place, manifesting deliberately would be damn near impossible. You want that feedback, but you don’t want to misinterpret it.
Stop looking for signs that you can’t have what you want. You can turn anything into a bad omen if you so choose, but I’d recommend against it. Work with your manifestations to shape your energy and stop holding yourself to this ridiculous standard of perfection. Oh, and while you’re at it, stop being so damn impatient. You are not running out of time and you can still totally get what you want. You’re supposed to get what you want. The Universe wants you to get what you want. But it can’t force it upon you.
The Bullshit Fairy has spoken. *drops the mic*
PS: Thank to everyone for all the wonderful wishes and congrats about the book. I can’t even express how much I want to smooshily hug all of you. Smoosh, Smoosh. There, that’s better.