Coaching Call #104 is out! The topic of this week’s call is: The Fear of Losing People – to Death, Break-up, Etc.
This is a HUGE call. What started off as a question about relationships (how to attract one), quickly led into an awesome discussion on death and the fear of loss. And no, this is not a dark or heavy call. There’s actually a lot of humor in it. We hit some really big concepts in ways you’ve not heard before.
We dissect the fear of death, the fear of loss and the fear of change into nitty gritty detail, offering a shift in perspective that has the power to set you free. On top of that, we tackle the fear of rejection and social anxiety. So, basically, if you have any fears around relationship of any kind, or anything involving people, this call is for you. What I’m saying is, it’s for you. This is your sign.
How do you go from theoretically “knowing” what to do, to actually doing it, without letting those pesky limiting beliefs sabotage you?
Awesome Amanda’s burning question: “How do you bridge the gap between knowing and practicing? I have studied the Law of Attraction for some years now and I get it (well, almost!) but it’s like reading a book on how to swim; you may understand the physics behind it and understand about flotation and how to get where you want to be BUT WHEN YOU GET IN THE WATER!!! That’s a whole different thing. How do you put into practice what you know without self-sabotaging yourself with those long standing subconscious beliefs that you could drown???”
Dear Awesome Amanda,
Here’s your Awesome Video Answer:
Watch the video directly on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXrcEjDKu9Y
Would you rather read? Here you go!
Well, Awesome Amanda, I think this is an excellent question. Thank you for asking it.
How do you go from, well, not “knowing”, because if you really KNEW that you created your own reality with every fiber of your being, you would have no pesky limiting beliefs. But how do you go from theoretically knowing it to actually bringing it into practice? Using your analogy of jumping into the pool, when you’re kind of afraid that you might drown, my answer to that would be: don’t jump in the deep end.
Sink or swim. Not a good idea…
You start off in the shallow end. You don’t just chuck your kid into the deep end of the pool to teach them how to swim, Grandpa! Oops, sorry.
Now, that technique can work, of course. I mean, I’m obviously still here, and I did learn how to swim. But was it the best way to do it? Was it the easiest way to do it? Was it necessary? No. It was not.
The point is, you don’t have to defy your beliefs head on. You have a belief system. Make peace with that. Some of those beliefs are serving you very, very well; some of them, not so well. And in order to get rid of the ones that aren’t serving you, you don’t just hit them head on. Again, that can work, but it’s incredibly uncomfortable, and it’s going to cause you a lot of stress.
So, let’s say that instead of wanting to learn how to swim, you want to ask your boss for a raise. You feel deep down that you deserve a lot more money and your colleagues are making more than you are. You really want to go to your boss and ask for a raise but you’re deathly afraid of it. The very idea of asking fills you with dread and panic and anxiety. Now, you would not do the equivalent of jumping in the deep end of the pool and go into your boss’ office and ask for a raise in that condition, with that energy, with that vibration. That would be stupid. You would probably “drown”. You would probably not get the raise, you would feel awful about yourself, it would just perpetuate all of those horrible fears.
It’s not all or nothing
But you also don’t have to do without the raise. There is a middle ground. It’s not either/or. You don’t have to either NOT go swimming, or chuck yourself into the deep end of the pool. What you can do is to prepare yourself, you can learn to swim, you can start in the shallow end, you can prepare yourself vibrationally.
Step 1 – Check yourself before you wreck yourself
The way to do that in this example would be for you to sit down and visualize yourself asking your boss for a raise. And then you would allow yourself to see, via your visualization, by not controlling it in any way, shape or manner, where your vibration is at. So, you would let your fear come to life. Consider this your own, personal Holodeck. You’d go in there and say “Show me my fear.” You’re going to put yourself in a situation, in your visualization, that scares you, and you’re going to see what really happens.
So, in your visualization, perhaps your boss starts to laugh at you, or he scolds you for being so forward as to ask for a raise, and who do you think you are, and he ends up firing you because you’re just the worst person ever he can’t believe that you’d be so rude, and blah, blah, blah. None of this is necessarily going to make any sense, but that doesn’t matter. These are your fears, and you kind of want to know what’s going on. If you don’t know what you’re dealing with, you can’t release it. So let the fear come up, let it show itself to you. And realize just how ridiculous it is, in the process. Now, that may in and of itself release it, but if the fear is big enough, probably not. You’re going to have to do a little bit more work. You’ll have to actually work with it to change it, instead of just defying it by going into your boss’ office and asking him for a raise, even though you don’t believe for a second that it’s going to go well. Don’t do that.
Step 2 – Shifting the Belief
The next thing you want to do is to start to shape the visualization. So, instead of letting it run amok with the fear, you’ve now seen what the fear is, you’ll now want to gently but firmly guide the visualization to one that is more positive. But, it has to be one that you can accept. That means that you don’t go straight to seeing him singing your praises, declaring you to be the employee of the year and praising you for standing up for yourself and asking for a raise. That’s probably not going to happen right off the bat, even in your head. You can’t go from zero to one hundred in one go. You want to work yourself there incrementally.
So, you might start off by simply seeing him listening to you and NOT reacting badly. You bring it to a neutral place. In that neutral place, your boss isn’t overly enthusiastic about giving you the raise, but he’s NOT overreacting in a negative way anymore. He’s not going to fire you, scold you or laugh at you. He might say something like “Hm, that’s interesting. I’m not sure that we have the funds, but I’ll have to think about it”, and maybe there’s a conversation that ensues.
You stay with that visualization until it feels properly comfortable. Now, I understand that many of you are sitting at home thinking “How is THAT satisfying?” Well, it’s not. It’s not satisfying and it’s not the end goal for you to NOT get a raise, but for your boss not to yell at you. It’s just a middle step that allows you to take the next step. So, once you’ve gotten to neutral, which isn’t satisfying but doesn’t feel bad anymore, then you can start to see it happening more positively. Your boss starts to say things such as “Well, I guess we do have a little bit in the budget, and you haven’t gotten a raise in a long time and you know what? I was just thinking about you the other day, it’s actually kind of unfair what we pay you, we have to remedy this situation…” And as you stay with this, you may very well start to build up the momentum into a much more positive place, where then you do see your boss getting really excited about giving you a raise and singing your praises saying “OMG, I think you’re so amazing!”
Don’t make too many changes at once!
What’s important is that you have to keep this realistic (yep, I actually said that), which means that you have to see yourself as you are, in your current state, asking for the raise. Do not think of yourself as much more suave, with a way better wardrobe, and suddenly you’ve grown 3 inches and you’re a hell of a lot thinner and you go in there and somehow your boss is a different person… Don’t do that. You have to see people as they are NOW in order to bring it into the NOW, in order to really work with your vibration. If you start to change things and detach, if say “Well, I’m not as I REALLY am in my visualizations because that makes me feel better,” that’s an escape route, that’s a way for your mind to keep you from actually working with the energy NOW. It keeps you from shifting the belief completely, because you’re still creating detachment by making yourself different from how you are NOW.
So, if you’re visualizing yourself getting into a relationship and you’re twenty pounds thinner in your visualization, you’re not quite there. You need to do a little more work.
[Added Note: I get that this can be a bit confusing. Change your reality in your visualization, but be “realistic”… Without getting into a huge explanation here, just remember this: When you guide your visualization, change one thing at a time. Leave everything else as it is. Then see what comes up for you. Otherwise, you are creating conditions that have to be met before you can receive what you want to manifest. You can’t get a relationship until you lose weight, or you can’t get a raise until you “look” the part, etc.]
Once you get yourself into the state where you can see yourself as you are now, walking into that office, asking for a raise and see it going well – and this may take a few days to get there. You might have to do several sessions of visualization to get there, but it will be worth it. Only once you have done that should you jump into the deep end. Now you’ve learned how to swim. Now you’ve spent some time in the shallow end of the pool, meaning that you’ve worked, not with physical reality, but on a vibrational level, which is a hell of a lot easier, in order to prepare yourself. And once you’ve prepared the energy, now you’re going to attract a completely different scenario. The key is for you to actually feel much better about walking into that office than you did before. Once you truly feel better, that’s your sign, that’s your feedback, that you’ve actually changed the energy.
And yeah, it’s actually that simple.