Coaching Call #085 is out! The topic if this week’s call is: She’s Afraid of Speaking her Truth Because of How Others Will React.
This client faces what so many of us do: She was shut down for being innocently authentic as a child, and still carried the fear of speaking her own truth with her to this day. Couple that with an extensive intellectual knowledge of personal development work, and you get a person who feels stuck knowing WHAT she should be doing, but not being able to get there.
Listen in as we sort through the actual beliefs, including a real work place confrontation, and shift the energy into a much better feeling and truly authentic place. This is one of those calls that has nuggets for everyone, especially those of us who like to, um, let’s just say overthink things…
Awesome Mary asks: “My Question is about how to get rid of negative attitudes toward rich people so I can receive more money into my reality. It seems to me that rich people are always portrayed in the movies and elsewhere as truly greedy and evil. Unfortunately, this shapes many people’s image of them. In the movies and on TV they always murder someone to get the insurance or become sole owner of the estate or something like that. And then you have the news revealing comments made by the über rich and our very own politicians denigrating poor people. I find it very difficult to have a positive attitude toward them.”
Dear Awesome Mary,
The way I see it, those who currently don’t have as much money as they like, essentially have two options when it comes how they view the wealthy:
Option 1: Feel powerless about not having any money
When you feel powerless, your inner being naturally draws you toward a more empowering emotion – anger. At this state, anger usually gets expressed as blame. So, the natural inclination of the powerless poor person will be to blame the rich person for the fact that they don’t have any money.
This will, in turn, create a vibration that will draw to it all those rich assholes that are actually hoarding money, and are only too happy to show you how undeserving they are. Your newsfeed will be filled with entitled, compassionless douchebags who use their riches to add to the destruction and suffering of the world.
You can then look at all this “evidence” you’ve manifested, and use it to solidify the belief that you’re poor because these buttmunchers have stacked the deck against you and all those like you, creating a never ending cycle of poverty-blame-poverty. In other words, this is how the poor get poorer, y’all.
Option 2: Feel powerful about your ability to create abundance
Notice that I used a totally different word here: “abundance” instead of “money”. That’s because they’re not the same thing. What you want is abundance. Money may or may not be a part of that. Trust me on this, not everyone that has money is abundant. Many of the superrich live in prisons far more restrictive than yours. They are drowning in obligations, pressures and responsibilities and believe, just like you, that if they can just reach this one next goal, everything will get easier.
Before I go on, don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to convince you that money isn’t important (even though, in the grand scheme of things, it’s not), or that you shouldn’t want it. You can want whatever you like and you can have whatever you want. I’m just advising you to become clear about what it really is you want, and what definitions you’re currently using that aren’t serving you.
Money is awesome
Let’s just admit it: money kicks ass. I’ve been extremely poor and I’ve been quite well off (not yet über rich, but I’m working on it). Having money is better than not having money. Flying First Class is more comfortable than flying Coach. Eating a freshly prepared, six course, gourmet meal is preferable to eating processed food out of a box. I’m not going to even pretend that closing my bathroom door to fill the room with steam is the same as getting a facial at a five star spa. Having money is clearly the bomb.
But, let’s remember that money is simply a symptom, a reflection of vibration. If I fly Business or First Class, I’ve manifested that abundance into my life. The money to make that happen showed up as a consequence of that vibration, merely a means to bring that manifestation about. Or, perhaps it didn’t. Perhaps I got upgraded for free, and my abundance showed up without any money ever changing hands. Money is a convenient way for that abundance to show up, but it’s not the only way or even often the best way.
Money as an amplifier – aka – why rich people are douchebags
Money can also be seen as an amplifier. Because money is just a form of energy, an increase of money in your life is representative of an increase in energy. Now, when you increase the energy, you turn up the volume on all things, good, bad and ugly. Let me give you an example:
A lot of people believe that money is a corrupting force, that if you give a good and kind person a bunch of money, they will turn into a greedy bastard. Not so. What money will do is bring out your fears and insecurities in a BIGGER way, which may cause you to react differently than you did before.
Susan is a saint of a woman. She is kind and gives generously to others, not because she feels that she needs to, but simply because it gives her joy. Now, let’s say that Susan somehow gets a whole buttload of money. Maybe her aunt died and left it to her. Susan, being free of beliefs of scarcity and full of a love for all things including herself, proceeds to spend the money on beautiful things for herself and others. She buys a gorgeous house and invites her friends over to come and enjoy it. She invests in businesses that make the world a better place for their employees and customers. She builds schools and uses her money to hold politicians accountable (did you know you can use money to influence politicians to do the RIGHT thing??). In other words, Susan’s new wealth doesn’t change her, it just allows her to be MORE of who she already is, to express herself in a BIGGER way.
Now, let’s look at Bob. Bob is also a nice guy, but full of fear. He never feels like he has enough and is always worried that something could go wrong. Whatever Bob has, it could all be wiped out at any moment. He never feels truly safe. Bob believes that if he can just amass enough savings, he’ll feel secure. After all, there has to be some amount of money that insulates him from the “danger”, right? So, Bob gets a job that pays really well (one that he hates, but oh well…). He dedicates every hour of his waking day to making more money, resulting in him being quite wealthy. He owns several lavish homes, luxury cars and can really buy anything he wants. And yet, he still doesn’t feel safe. No matter how much money Bob has, it’s not enough to defy his belief that something bad could happen at any instant and take it all away. His family will starve. He’ll end up alone and unloved (beliefs don’t have to make sense, by the way. That doesn’t mean they’re not incredibly powerful).
Bob is a billionaire, and he’s afraid. His vast wealth only magnifies his fear. He hoards his money instead of allowing it (and the corresponding energy) to flow freely and circulate in the economy. The main focus of his businesses is to make more money (to quell his fear), even if that means destroying the environment or laying people off. You see, Bob isn’t a bad guy; he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. But his fear, now so amplified by all that money, is STRONGER than his desire to do good. He tries to find ridiculous justifications as to why it’s ok for him to act that way, like a heroin addict arguing that it’s ok to steal from little old ladies because they’re closer to death and won’t need it anymore. These rationalizations are never meant to actually be logical (in either case), they’re just ways to deflect from the truth: that Bob is terrified and will do anything to keep that ever growing fear at bay.
Some of the world’s most “evil” CEOs go to bed terrified each night. They are scared of the stockholders, the Board of Directors, the stock market, Wall Street analysts, other powerful CEO rivals, and a whole host of other things that go bump in the night. Those douchebag politicians you so revile are pooping their pants about their next election. And that rich, entitled asshole on TV who brays on and on about how the poor people are the problem, has a strong win/lose belief that states that if others win, he loses, and is trying to cover his growing fear that the mob is about to go and plunder his safe.
Money doesn’t take away your fears. It amplifies them.
Don’t be racist
Ok, so now that I’ve demystified the douchey rich for you (aka, money doesn’t make you a douche, and not all rich people are evil), you can stop being so prejudice against the rich. Honestly, it’s like saying that all red headed people are idiots because Carrot Top went and had his face professionally distorted. It’s racist, myopic and just plain inaccurate (Carrot Top probably didn’t do that shit on purpose, although one can never know, he is a comedian, after all. Maybe he’s just super dedicated. But in any case, his red headedness almost certainly didn’t contribute to that decision. Also, red headed people can be super sexy. Especially if they have a Scottish Accent. You know who you are.)
Some people suck. Money makes them suck more.
Some people are awesome. Money makes them more awesome.
Some people seem to be awesome, but secretly suck. Money will bring out their suckitude sucktacity suckiness.
Stop blaming the money for what it’s bringing out in people. It simply doesn’t deserve that much credit/blame and honestly, all you’re doing is shitting all over something that, as I already stated, can be totally amazing. If someone pooped all over you, would you want to go and spend time in their wallet? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
So remember: A rich asshole is not an asshole because he is rich. He is just an asshole who ALSO happens to be rich. If you’re still not clear on this concept, then substitute “black”, “brown”, “old”, “female”, or “prejudice term of your choice” for the word “rich” and you’ll become aware of just how wrong that sounds pretty quickly.
Back to Option 2
If money doesn’t actually turn you into a douchebag, then you don’t have to be afraid of suddenly discovering douchey tendencies that weren’t there before, once you manifest some wealth. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that this was ultimately all about YOUR fear? It is. It always is. This crap really shouldn’t surprise you anymore.
First of all, not all rich people on TV ALWAYS murder someone (loads of poor people murder people on TV, too, does that mean they’re all evil?), or embezzle or do other horrible things. That dude from Fantasy Island was rich, and all he did was make wishes come true. Charlie from Charlie’s angels is a really wealthy dude, and he just fights crime, or rather, gets three sexy ladies with fabulous hair to do it for him. I’m pretty sure James Bond is loaded, and he pretty much only kills bad dudes. Even Scrooge McDuck takes in his three orphaned nephews. In other words, there are all kinds of rich people on TV, and if you’re ONLY seeing the evil ones, then you can be assured that you’ve got some pretty strong filters going. Start looking for and acknowledging the examples of the good rich, the kind rich, the generous rich, and you’ll find just as much evidence of those.
Second, understand that a story of a rich guy spouting awful comments about how poor people are making it harder for him to exploit them and should just shut up already will always get more airtime than a story of some wealthy guy who built an orphanage. The second one is nice and everything, but nothing gets as much play around the water cooler as a story that makes us outraged. Boy do we love to bitch! Yeah, yeah, yeah, fuzzy orphans, blah, blah, but did you hear what the fat cat on the hill said this time? Just because the news and other conventional media pander to the lowest common denominator – those who feel so powerless that the only way they can feel better is to transmute that feeling to blame and rage – doesn’t mean you have to play that game. Turn off the freaking TV and go talk to some actual people. Gather your own evidence, rather than listening to and buying into the carefully selected and manipulated sound bites presented to you on the boobtube.
Do you actually know anyone who’s rich? Do you have any friends who are wealthy or have an abundant mindset? Do you know anyone who genuinely enjoys what they have, gives generously out of pure joy, isn’t scared of every potential catastrophe? If you don’t know any rich people, do you have any friends who know any? I’m going to give you the same advice that I would give someone who’s afraid of black people – go meet some. Go find out how awesome they really are, and believe me, there are some awesome rich people out there. And awesome black people. And awesome redheads. Awesomeness abounds, is what I’m pretty much saying.
How can you stop being prejudiced against rich people? The same way you change any belief – you choose to. This is your reality, and you get to create it any way you like. If you’re going to use already manifested stuff as evidence for future creations, then at least be discerning about what you use: Look for evidence of what you want to see, rather than looking at what you don’t like and then using that as an excuse to create more of it. Be a creator instead of just an observer. Hint: Usually (not always, there are exceptions, but you have to be self-aware), when you’re watching TV, you’re just observing. When you’re bitching about some rich ass to your friends, you’re observing and creating more of what you’ve observed. When you actively choose to look for evidence that supports the world you want to live in, now you’re deliberately creating.
Don’t demonize those who have money. For many of them, it’s their worst nightmare come true, because all it does is make their demons bigger. Money can be awesome, but its presence doesn’t automatically connote awesomeness. Instead, look for abundance. Look for people that actually embody the type of rich person you want to be. I’d suggest Richard Branson, J.K. Rowling, Oprah, etc.
Also keep in mind that many of the awesome rich aren’t in the media – they’re just living their lives in quiet splendor. When I was a dealer in Las Vegas, I had the opportunity to see a lot of truly amazing rich people who inspired me. Yes, there were the douchebags, but what I really focused on were the self-made millionaires who enjoyed their money. They travelled and drank the best Scotch and dressed in whatever they wanted, not because it cost a lot, but because it was what they truly wanted to wear. People like this weren’t flashy, they didn’t seek attention. They just did exactly what they wanted to do. They were also, incidentally, the best tippers. The point is, unless you meet these people, you’ll never hear of them. They are not on TV. That doesn’t mean they don’t exist in droves.
Whenever I hear someone complaining about the rich, I always point their attention to the awesome rich. I argue that we can’t blame the money for a person’s character. All it does is amplify the playing field. So, instead of asking if people should be rich, or if the rich deserve their money, ask “Who do I want to be rich?”, and “What kinds of rich people do I want to focus on?” and even better “What kind of rich person do I want to be?” For me, the answers lie in being awesome, having fun, creating and spreading joy. I think the world wants someone like me to be rich, someone who will use it to create companies that make the world a better place, build schools, and randomly brighten someone’s day by paying for their coffee or giving them a 100% tip. Why wouldn’t the world want YOU to be rich? Unless, of course, you’re planning on being a douchebag. If you are, you should probably just stop that shit, right now. Plan to be awesome rich. Focus on awesomeness. Do this, and all that fear, you know, the one that’s evident in your question, will just go away. Poof. And then, there shall only be awesomeness. And chocolate.