Coaching Call #048 was released yesterday. The topic of this week’s call is: She Wants to Attract More Friends Without Seeming Desperate.
This caller lost many of her friends when she decided to be more positive. Now, she finds herself reaching out others, but feels like she’s desperately asking them to like her. On top of that, she’s tired of always having to organize everything and would really like people to just come to her. Listen in as we explore why she’s feeling so needy and how she can attract precisely the kinds of friends she wants.
Of course, the lessons learned in this call apply not just to friendship, but to attracting people for any purpose: the perfect boyfriend, an awesome boss and amazing co-workers, and even just more positive interactions with people in general.
Awesome Dudette’s burning question is: “I’ve read a lot about empaths being in a time of crisis right now. It’s been reported as a result of the negative energies rising on earth. But I feel in my heart that it’s something else. Like we are all waking up at the same time. Most other empaths I’ve come into contact with are perpetually positive by nature, just like me.
So is it really just the result of the negative? Common sense would say there has always been just as much negative energy, so perhaps we can just feel it better now as our collective abilities awake? I’m just wondering if anyone else is sensing this wave of energy rising, and theories on why? I love reggae, and a line comes to me over and over when thinking about this… it is “we are all Jah army”. It feels like we are preparing for something. I’m just not sure what. Anyone else have this “sense”…?”
Dear Awesome Dudette,
First of all, there’s no such thing as “Negative” energy. There is no dark force, no evil and no energy that will bring you down. There is love and there is the resistance to love/the lack of love/the absence of love. But that resistance or absence is not a force in its own right. That’s one of the biggest misunderstandings that many religions perpetuate in the world today. There’s no devil, no evil, and not even a watered down, light version of that called “negative energy”.
Quite a few of my clients are light workers (actually, in a sense, they all are, they just don’t all consciously know it…), and this is a topic that comes up often. They’ll ask me how they can protect themselves against the negative energies of the people around them, of their clients and family members, and even the world in general. But, I’m afraid I have to call bullshit on that one.
Being sensitive is a double edged sword
Being an empath doesn’t make you more susceptible to dark or negative energy (which doesn’t exist. Honestly. And I’m going to keep saying it until it really sinks in). But it does make you more sensitive, so you can discern the difference between frequencies (those that feel good and those that don’t) more easily. This means that when other people think everything is fine, you’ll be able to tell that they are, in fact, in more pain than they’re letting on. They’re in a kind of denial, thinking that nothing is bothering them, when in fact, something totally is.
This sensitivity is a double edged sword, though. It also means that empaths can’t afford to be lazy. They can’t just observe what’s going on around them, let the energies of other people train them to go places they don’t want to go and not expect to “suffer” the consequences. But this suffering is, as always, self-inflicted. It comes from lack of focus, from lack of stability in one’s vibration (allowing ourselves to be influenced by other people’s energy), and, yes, from laziness. But all of these issues have solutions, and they’re not even that hard. It basically comes down to practice. More on that in just a bit (see section below on how to stabilize your vibration).
The great awaking
First, I’d like to answer the last part of your question: “It feels like we are preparing for something. I’m just not sure what. Anyone else have this “sense”…?”
Yes, Awesome Dudette. I assure you that pretty much anyone and everyone with any kind of sensitivity to energy is experiencing what you are. It feels like something’s coming. Something big. Something awesome (ok, whether or not you are interpreting it as awesome or scary depends on your perspective, but you CAN experience it as awesome). And it seems to be speeding up.
We’re all feeling it. But what, exactly, are we feeling?
What we’re feeling is the rising energy (not negative energy, just energy). The vibration of the Universe is continuously rising. As frequencies get higher, they get faster, so everything is speeding up. The time between thought and manifestation is getting shorter. It’s easier than ever to see the correlation between our focus and what shows up in our reality. But this also means that we have to be more responsible about what we place our powerful, reality creating focus on. We don’t have as much time to notice how we feel and correct our course before the physical manifestations show up. This can feel hectic and overwhelming (if you fight it or aren’t stable in your vibration), or it can feel like the best part of a roller coaster ride (Weeeeeeeeee!).
As the energy rises, more and more people are crossing the threshold that separates the two main states of consciousness:
The Victim State
- Stuff just randomly happens to us
- We’re all separate
- It’s all totally meaningless in the end
- No real awareness of emotions/suppression of emotions
- We are all essentially powerless
- There’s not enough (Scarcity)
- Win/Lose scenarios (My gain is your loss and your gain is my loss)
The Self-Aware State
- Nothing is random, everything happens as a response to vibration
- We are all integrally connected (unity)
- Nothing is meaningless. We are each more important than any of us have every glimpsed (including Jesus and Buddha)
- Total awareness of emotions and what they mean/allowing of emotions
- We are each the center of our own reality, in perfect control of our experience
- Everyone can have whatever they truly want. There’s more than enough to satisfy all desires (abundance)
- Win/Win scenarios (My gain is your gain. Your loss is my loss. When we truly benefit the individual, it benefits all. When we truly benefit all, it benefits the individual)
The whole universe is shifting and changing. We are entering a new era, a radically different way of looking at ourselves and the world. Not everyone will be talking about energy or the Law of Attraction. But the words we use aren’t important. The concepts and ideas behind the words are. I’m seeing a plethora of speeches and articles coming out by all kinds of prominent academics and business minds, who are telling young and old alike to start thinking differently (I often share these on Facebook, so if you’re not a fan of my page, you should become one). And people are listening. We are breaking out of the old paradigms. People are waking up and wondering why they ever decided it was a good idea to spend the majority of their lives working in a job they didn’t like. The payoff they promised suddenly seems paltry and even ridiculous in comparison. People are taking more “risks” and figuring out that there’s actually no real danger in following your passion. The real risk is in not doing so. People are becoming less and less willing to be grossly unhappy, unfulfilled and complacent.
And that’s this feeling of a kind of “crisis” you described. You see, waking up can be stressful, especially because most people require a cattle prod moment in order to be willing to really shift perspectives. They’re not willing to make a real change, to throw off the beliefs that never really served our ancestors but to which we’ve staunchly been holding on for generations, unless it becomes too uncomfortable not to. It’s a bit like realizing the world is round, and choosing to adopt that new belief. Only, that’s not quite accurate.
It’s more like everyone believes the world is flat and ON FIRE, and is running around in a panic. And more and people are realizing the world is round and NOT on fire. They then have to choose not to live in panic and fear anymore, but to calm down and observe what’s really true, even though everyone around them is still flailing about like a bunch of toddlers throwing simultaneous tantrums at an overcrowded toy store.
That kind of change of direction takes courage and conviction and isn’t done lightly. After all, that little ugly voice in your head may be whispering, “what if you’re wrong and we’re all slowly burning to death?” So, most people have to get to the point where they’re just too sick of being afraid all the time, and too tired to keep running around in a panic. So, they sit down. And they realize that there’s no smoke. If the world was on fire, wouldn’t there be smoke? Sure, some people have created fires in their panic and there’s some smoke from those flames, but where’s the rest? In fact, where’s the original fire?? And as they begin to ask those questions, they figure out that there was never any fire or smoke. It was all a myth; a nasty little fairy tale; essentially, a huge misunderstanding.
This shift, this awakening, is a pretty drastic one. And it can feel stressful, especially if you don’t know what’s happening (that’s why blogs like this one exist. If you understand the process, it makes it a lot easier to have an awesome experience and not freak out).
Why do some things seem to be getting worse?
As the energy rises and gets faster, any thoughts, ideas and beliefs that contradict that force are going to become more apparent. If you tie a rope to your arm and someone pulls on it, it’s going to create pressure. Tie the other end of the rope to a freight train and try to resist that, and it’s going to hurt. A lot. This is what you’re seeing in the world today: Those who are resisting love, those who insist on holding on to their limiting beliefs and continuing to live in the “Victim State” are going to suffer more and more (until they can’t take it anymore). And in that suffering, they rebel. They fight. They protest. They flail. They throw tantrums. They want the pain to stop. They do not understand that the pain and suffering are self-inflicted. They do not understand their own power. The very idea that they could be that powerful is incredibly scary to them, so much so, that they often find it offensive. They’re not yet ready to shift, but they’re getting there. Their cattle prod moment is coming.
The fact that there seems to be more violence and drama in the world today is a sign that people are moving closer and closer to that shift. They are rebelling with greater and greater violence, and will, when it all gets to be too much, break out of the old molds, throw off the shackles and finally be free. This is not just a change in paradigm. This is a revolution. This is evolution. We’re not just changing the rules, we’re changing the game. We’re correcting all those idiotic observations that have held us captive all these years (like that suffering is a good and virtuous thing). We’re waking up from a self-imposed nightmare. We are stopping the resistance, and learning to flow with the natural processes that have been in place long before we were thought into existence. We are stepping from the darkness (absence of light) into the light.
Stabilizing your vibration
Now that you understand what’s happening, the only question that remains is: How can you enjoy the ride? In order to do that, you have to learn to stabilize your vibration. There are many, many ways to do this (energy workers of all kinds have been looking for ways to do this for millennia), but I’m going to share my favorites with you today:
- First and foremost, pay attention to the feedback you’re getting. Notice any changes in your emotions, as well as your body. Discomfort of any kind (even a sore neck) is a signal. Don’t dismiss anything as “normal”. It’s not normal to not feel well, even if it’s just a little bit. And no, not even if you’re getting “older”.
- Pay attention to your focus (your feedback will help you with this). Continuously shift your focus to one that feels better. And yes, this takes some work and discipline. You’ve been trained to look for the worst case scenario. Retrain yourself to look for the outcome you want.
- Pay absolutely no attention to what anyone else thinks. Really. Ignore them. They are the ones running around convinced the world is on fire.
- Stop inundating yourself with the news. You will not become a total ignoramus. You can catch up on headlines at will, by dipping in and out. You can be aware of what’s going on without immersing yourself in the chaos. “Yes, they still think the world is on fire. They are protesting. Good for them! Now, let’s get back to focusing on the fact that there is no fire, and on helping those who are ready to see that, too.”
- Practice focusing in a positive way. Practice feeling good. The more you do this, the easier it will be for you to feel good no matter what. Even in a crowd full of panicky people.
- Do “grounding” work. Walk barefoot as much as possible, go outside (nature helps immensely). Or, just imagine yourself connecting with the earth, roots growing from your feet into the ground. Use water (taking a shower after energy work is a great way for me to ground myself. If I have to go out in public after coaching, I always take a shower first. It brings me back to the “real” world, and I’m not as wide open and susceptible to other people’s energy.
- Do not seek approval from others. Make peace with the idea that they may not agree with you, or may not like you (not everyone will, can or has to). When you seek approval, you are opening yourself up to their energy. The irony is, of course, that the less you care about their approval, the more people will give it to you. But not everyone. Never everyone.
- Meditate regularly.
- Do Yoga. It’s a great way to get to know your physical body, the feedback it provides and can be incredibly grounding. It brings your awareness back to the body.
- Immerse yourself in materials or activities that support your new view (the world is not on fire) and which make you feel good. While you don’t need agreement from others, it feels good and strengthens your convictions to spend some time being with or listening to those who already think and feel like you do.
- Do not try and convince anyone of your view. Arguing with them will lower your vibration to theirs. It’s not your job to wake them up. The Universe has got this. But you can support those who are in the process of waking up or have just woken up. That’s actually really fun.
- Make some space and time for yourself every day. Meditation is great for this, but any time you’re alone can serve you. If you commute to work, for example, use that time to listen in on your thoughts. What’s on your mind? How does it feel? Is there something you need to pay attention to? Don’t go through life on auto pilot. It’s those automatic thoughts that often make you susceptible to the influence of other people’s energy.
- Smile. Laugh. Look for opportunities to enjoy yourself. This goes a long, long way.
- Shut up more often. Listen to what’s going on around you; listen to what’s in your head; listen to what the Universe is trying to tell you; look for the gifts that others have for you. If you’re too intent on always being the teacher, you’ll forget to be the student.
- Remember that you are, in fact, a student. There’s always more to learn.
- Give others the benefit of the doubt. They’re all doing the best they can. No one suffers on purpose. Those who choose suffering do so because they don’t believe that there’s another viable option.
- Love. Love as much as you can. Love everyone. Love unconditionally. Love them even if they don’t “deserve” it. It’s not for their benefit. It’s for yours.
This is an awesome time to be alive. We are witnessing the birth of a new era, and we’re right smack dab in the middle of it. We are the generation that all those who come after us (which is really going to be us, just saying) will look back on with wonder. This will have been the time when everything changed. Violence will become unnecessary. Scarcity will be a concept from the “dark ages”. Peace will trump war. Love will release hate (and swaddle it and kiss it on the forehead). Hugs will be given more freely (squishy, full body hugs, as they are meant to be given!). Passion will prevail. Hearts will rule. Smiles will abound. It’s coming. Not someday, but now. Are you ready? If you are, well then, Weeeeeeeeeeee!
Image Credit: Nathanael Lark