Awesome Dudette asks: “Isn’t it wrong of think of myself as wonderful? Isn’t it wrong to be proud? I’ve always been told I’m arrogant and that I think too much of myself.”
The Law of Attraction, at least the way I teach it (and many others, including Abraham-Hicks), is based on the concept of worthiness. We are all 100% worthy, are supposed to be happy, and deserve to get everything we want. What’s more, we’re each the center of our own little universe, drawing to us what we focus on. We are, in fact, each the most important person in our own realities. We’re encouraged to honor our own feelings and preferences above anyone else’s and we’re supposed to expect things to work out for us.
Now, there are a couple of different ways to perceive this point of view. Given the perspective that most of us have been taught, it’s easy to think that LOA is teaching us to be selfish, narcissistic little bastards, who will push old ladies into traffic and chuck rabid dogs at babies to get what we want. And to that, I say: WOA Nelly! Overreact much?
We’re not all bastards!
First of all, let’s get one thing straight: We’re not all bastards. That has to be cleared up right off the bat, because the idea that if each of us got exactly what we wanted, we’d all end up screwing each other (and not in a fun way), is based on the assumption that deep down, we’re all basically total assholes, and the only reason we’re not all sticking it to each other (*wink wink*… yeah, once I make one innuendo, my inner 13 year old kicks in and sees everything as dirty. You’ll just have to go with it/enjoy it. I make no apologies), is because it’s not socially acceptable to do so.
The truth is, we are not all just waiting for a chance to be douchebags, and frankly, the assumption that we are is kind of demeaning to the human race. At our core, we are all genuinely good and the majority of people are actively doing their best to help others, even if those attempts are often misguided. And even the people who do act like total Dingleberries aren’t intrinsically bad. Those who hurt others have been hurt. There’s a cycle there with a great deal of momentum, which can be broken.
So, the idea that telling people that they can have what they want will somehow lead to them becoming entitled, arrogant jerks, is absurd. There’s a huge, gaping chasm between being a doormat who expects things to go badly and an arrogant prick who feels that everyone owes him. Both are extremes, and neither will ever get anyone what they truly want.
Studying LOA doesn’t lead to arrogance. In order to explain why not, it’s helpful to look at what arrogance actually is. Arrogance stems from low self-esteem. Every. Freaking. Time. When someone is arrogant, they are pretending to feel like they are better than others. The only reason someone might need to do that, is because they feel that they are, in fact, NOT better than others and actually not good enough. Their insecurity will cause them to develop a defensive mechanism, which when triggered, will create a kind of delusion that there is nothing wrong with them (which is the actual, underlying belief), and that everyone else is an idiot. What’s more, arrogant people often have a sense of entitlement (they don’t just want what they want, they’ve decided that it has to come to them through YOU!), and serve as a classic example of people who try to get others to conform to what they want so that they can feel better.
LOA teaches us that we have to “own our shit” (as I like to call it). We have to take responsibility for how we feel and what is in our reality. We cannot force others to conform to what we want, nor can we make them happy. That’s their shit, not ours. If there’s anything in our reality we don’t want, we don’t push against it, we let it go by focusing on what we DO want, instead. It teaches us that we are all love at our core and that by becoming a match to the vibration of love, we get what we want, NOT by bullying others.
Arrogance has NOTHING to do with the Law of Attraction or Who We Really Are and the fear that studying LOA might lead to arrogance is based on a total misunderstanding of what this emotion actually is.
But won’t others see me as arrogant?
If you go around declaring that you are the master of your own reality and that you can have whatever you want, won’t there be those who see you as arrogant? Well yes, but so what? There will always be those who disagree with you. You can’t live your life for them. But will you come off as a pompous douche to everyone? No. Here’s why:
When you truly step into your own power, when you become totally authentic and you KNOW that you are, indeed, the center of your own Universe, that you are love, that the only thing that determines your experience is your vibration, when you let go of all fear and defensiveness, and you see the gift in everything, you won’t feel the need to try and be better than anyone else. You won’t feel the urge to take anything away from anyone (in fact, you tend to give a lot more). You see EVERYONE’S value, their potential, as you connect with the best version of them. You appreciate everyone’s greatness, including your own. You have no need to diminish anyone, put anyone down, raise yourself above them, put them in their place, defend yourself or prove yourself. When you truly know Who You Really Are, you live fully in the NOW, and you allow others to do the same, in whatever way they choose. You enjoy their approval but you don’t need it or seek it. You love to interact and co-create, but only if it feels the way you want it to. You set your boundaries and choose how you want your interactions to feel, but you don’t try to determine who’s ready to interact with you on that level. You don’t assert yourself against others, you don’t push against them, you allow them to be Who They Are.
Now, does that sound like arrogance to you? Of course not.
Seeing their greatness
The beautiful thing about really coming into your own power and realizing just how amazing you really are, is that in doing so, you become more aware of the magnificence of others. When you see your own greatness, you more easily recognize it in those around you. You’re bound to give them more credit, be more complimentary, be kinder, give them the benefit of the doubt, have more patience, and be more allowing of them in general. You’re more likely to be open to their point of view (why not? You have nothing to prove), and search for what you have in common (because you know there’s something) instead of focusing on your differences. Does any of this sound arrogant to you?
LOA teaches that you are God (Source, All-That-Is, whatever). And so is your neighbor. We are all worthy. We are all entitled. And we each get to have exactly what we want. We are all little portions of God, experiencing the Universe in every possible way, adding to the understanding of the whole. This isn’t a competition, much like the cells of your body aren’t competing against each other. You never see the Liver cells waging war against the Kidneys, because they’re sucking up all the hemoglobin or something. We are all part of the whole. But just because none of us is more important than the other, doesn’t mean that we can’t recognize just how integral to the process each of us is. What’s more important? The heart cell or the brain cell? If you can’t decide, or if you conclude that both are equally important, does that mean neither is needed any longer? No! They are both required for us to live.
Is it arrogant to think that you are a cell in God’s body, made up of the stuff of God, and that you are required for him/her to live, but so is everyone else? Is it arrogant to realize that you have a light inside you that can light up not only you, and bring you joy, but inspire all the cells around you to light up too? Is it arrogant to realize that you have the power to shine so brightly, you can influence the entire body and so does everyone else? Is it arrogant to realize that you are awesome, just the way you are, that you are exactly where you should be, and that nothing is required of you, but anything and everything you do is appreciated, and that the same holds true for every person, animal, vegetable and miscellaneous matter floating about in the Universe?
Well, I don’t think so, no.
Coping with criticism
There will always be those who want to place their own limitations on you. Just as you gain an increased ability to see the greatness of others when you see your own, any limitation in your ability to perceive your own worth will, in turn, limit your ability to see it in others. So, when someone calls you arrogant for knowing Who You Really Are, what they are really saying is: “I don’t think I’m worthy and so therefore you can’t be, either.”
Two things can happen when you move more and more into the energy of Who You Really Are:
- You will inspire those around you to realize their own power. Your joy will make them want more joy. Your certainty will make them want to be more certain. Your enthusiasm will make them want to jump up and down.
- You will get on the nerves of those who aren’t able to be inspired by you. When someone has a strong belief that they are not worthy, your rampant worthiness will highlight how badly they feel. In fact, it will seem to get worse in your presence, often causing them to blame you for their feelings. If you focus on these individuals, you will attract more of them, and will lower your vibration to theirs, over time. You’ll start to lose your mojo, until you feel just as miserable as they do. If, however, you ignore them and focus on how you feel, and on those who are inspired by you (a wonderful manifestation!), you’ll get even more sure, even more confident, even more loving and those who can’t hear you will no longer be able to enter your reality. They’ll still be there, and they still won’t get you, but you’ll no longer hear their criticisms and they’ll no longer bother you.
But I know self-improvement Gurus who are arrogant as hell!
Every once in a while, someone will send me an email correspondence or a blog post from someone out there who claims to be enlightened, who comes across as a condescending, arrogant bastard. The person sending me the mail will invariably say something like: “This guy seems to really know what he’s talking about (he speaks with authority), but I can’t get past what he says here. It feels off to me. Can you make it feel better?”, to which I always reply something like, “If it feels off to you, it’s not for you.” I then go on to explain that if someone is attacking others, putting others down or making themselves out to be better than others, they are not, in that moment enlightened. Enlightenment isn’t a state we achieve once and then always have. We can choose to be enlightened in each and every moment. The masters aren’t masters because they’re constantly enlightened. They simply know how to get there easily, so it’s no big whoop if they slip out. They can always simply whoosh back in (because that’s how you achieve enlightenment. You “whoosh”. Ask the Dalai Lama, he’ll tell you.). But you can’t be insecure and enlightened at the same time. Now, someone might have experienced moments of enlightenment, but if they are coming across as arrogant, one of two things is always true:
- They are not, in that moment, connected to Who They Really Are, and are reacting from a place of fear. Or,
- You are so far away from the vibration of Who You Really Are that their energy is annoying you.
There is no danger that studying and applying the Law of Attraction in the way that it’s taught here will make you more arrogant. I say “more”, because you might be using arrogance as a defensive tactic now, in which case LOA will not make it worse (quite the opposite) and certainly won’t create arrogance where there wasn’t any. There is no danger of becoming conceited. And there’s no danger of turning into a douchebag. What LOA does is remove all those superfluous layers and uncover the Godforce you’ve always been underneath. When you strip away your fears, your defensive mechanisms, like arrogance, become totally defunct. Connecting with the energy of Who You Really Are will only ever make things better and better and better and better and better. Yay!