Surviving (And Thriving) The Emotional Roller Coaster Of 2012


Coaching Call #026 is out! Today’s topic is: She Feels Like A “Loser”.

This client grew up in a family with low self-esteem, and had brought that with her into her adult life. She’d amassed a great deal of evidence that she would always have to struggle more than others, and yet would always end up with less than them. We managed to shift a great deal of her jealousy and low self worth, by dissecting different incidents from her life and reframing them. If you’ve ever struggled with feeling like a “loser”, this call is for you. See the Call Summary.


It’s time for another post from Lady Awesomesauce herself, Mary Carol Moran. Today, Lady A is sharing her own personal story of how she’s experiencing this current, tumultuous time of vibrational upheaval. Enjoy!

Melody’s awesome post on What the Hell Is Going on Lately generated a storm of thoughtful response. It seems many of us are in the same rocky boat. Here’s my take on what’s happening:

A Little Background

Like so many of us, I’ve been tossing around emotionally and even physically. It feels like every difficult time I’ve been through has come back to be re-lived, at least briefly. Life passing in review in front of my eyes – that’s what it’s felt like. Every mistake, every moment of weakness, passing in review. And no sooner does one tough time fade away, that another takes its place. Each on its own would be do-able, but time after time after time, has been a rough ride.

It feels like a cleanse from a fast. All the crap is coming out, except it’s not my pores that are cleansing, but rather my spirit. I’ve spent some time pretty close to hating myself, and certainly wondering what the good was of all this.

Through it all, my Soul has been here with me, kind of like a big sister holding my hand. I’ve tried to stay grounded in the belief that this too shall pass.

The Crunch

This morning I didn’t want to get up, and after breakfast I did go back to bed. I lay there thinking, what the hell? There are so many of us in this same spirit place – which is comforting though not enough to make it go away! I asked for a sign, something to say why this was happening, and what might come next. I tried to just let the emotions flow, and kept saying to myself, ‘Clear… Flow… Clear… Flow….’

The first realization that came was that my resistance, this struggling and holding on, is based in fear. All the old stories are washing away. Everything I think I know about life is washing away. And I’m scared. Who wouldn’t be? Who am I without the old stories? I have no idea who I will be after the cleanse. I have no idea if I’ll want to live where I now live, if my friends now will be my friends in the future, if my family will even continue to be my family.

What we’re doing right now, folks, is letting go of everything. For those of us who are aware of the process, it’s scary as hell.

Why This Is All Worth It

Recognizing my fear eased my breathing, and I felt some resistance melting. As I relaxed, the second part of the awakening clicked into place. Only in hindsight do I realize that I was given a glimpse of an almost unbelievably bright future.

The vision began simply enough. I thought of my sister, and how when I went away to university, she snuck a deck of playing cards into my suitcase with a sweet little note. At the time, I was seventeen and eager to escape a dysfunctional house, and she was 11. When I opened my suitcase in Denver, 1000 miles from home for the first time, I felt a wave of such pure love for her that the moment is indelibly inscribed in my heart.

Then I thought of my brother. As adults and even back as teens, we have never gotten along. But the moment I remembered this morning was back when he was about three years old. We were walking around the University of Texas campus as a family. He reached for something in the big fountain, and fell in. As my parents pulled him out, he explained that he’d seen a teacup and wanted to get it for me, his big sister. The teacup was really a bubble – it never existed. But the love of that moment, the tiny boy wanting to give his girly-girl big sister something he knew she would want, overwhelms me even as I write this.

And that’s when it all became clear. What’s left when the cleanse is done are these moments of bliss, of love that’s so true, it somehow persists through a lifetime of conflict. And to live in these moments of joy, we first have to clear out the muck.

And that’s what we’re doing, folks. Turn on the water and hose yourself down. Cry every tear you can cry, and then cry a few thousand more. Let it go, let it go, let it go. The only way to get clean and clear right down to the bone, to free up the gorgeous, glorious Real You, is to let all the old, all the no-longer-functional, fall away.

Am I still scared? Hell yes! Is this now easy for me? Hell no! But a glimpse of a future where all that remains is the beautiful and good, where the negative and difficult just isn’t relevant anymore, is motivation enough to hang in there and keep shedding.

And There’s More… A Mere Two Days Later

Yesterday was a really low day. I’ve been dizzy for days now, and totally unmotivated. Letting go of everything, means letting go of EVERYTHING! In the middle of a TV show, I realized that I can’t watch TV any more. So I turned it off, for good. I’ve spent most of my life without TV, and it’s time to let it go again. I’m nervous that the Internet needs to go too. How will I communicate with you all then??

Maybe as payoff for relaxing into the releasing, last night I had a couple of revelational dreams. I’m not sure of the meaning yet – maybe you can help? In the first dream, I was with a friend who died over 20 years ago. He was asked spur of the moment to make a speech at a fundraising gathering. He spoke eloquently, and as I watched him I realized that he was alive, not dream-alive but alive-alive. It was a situation we’d never been in, no memories involved. In fact, he created a brand new memory for me. When I woke up, I remembered the dream perfectly, and still do. I wondered for several moments if he was perhaps still alive-alive, though I had attended his funeral in 1991.

To me the dream meant that somehow we live-live after we die. We participate in and create new experiences through the minds of those we were close to.

I drifted quickly into another dream where two unknown women taught me how to modify a jacket pattern to fit a tall person. Again, I remember the dream in total detail. And this dream seemed to say that people live on in ‘dreams’ (for lack of a better word), regardless of whether we ever knew them in our daily lives.

Maybe this is another opening, another door. Something that’s always been there, but that we are only able to perceive now, with an altered vibration. While we’re letting go of old stories, let’s let go of our perceptions of death too. EVERYTHING is changing!

Like the joyful memories of my sister and brother, these dreams left me with a vast sense of hope for the future. It’s going to be different. It’s scary and overwhelming. But if these are just inklings of the power that’s coming. Oh. My. God!

What do you think? As always I’m eager to read your thoughts. What is your vision of the future? What metaphors keep you going? Are your dreams changing? Super giant rescue puppy hugs to you all!


About the Author

  • Such an amazing story, Mary Carol. I love the way you tell your story. The details were really vivid.

    Just a suggestion (and maybe a plea…), don’t stop writing and posting. I enjoy how you put words together.

    Fonzy Montenegro

    • Thank you for the lovely compliments, Fonzy.

      I’m not leaving! What I am doing is trying to find ways to focus on the positive and beautiful on the Internet, and to keep from viewing the other stuff. No more Google News for me.

      I hope this post wasn’t overly Pollyanna. Believe me, I’m struggling! Melody may have overstated a little in the title. At the moment, it doesn’t exactly feel like thriving. But on the positive side, it seems like every day brings a new awareness, and each glimpse is upbeat and comforting.

      Cheers to you too!

      Mary Carol

  • Avatar aylin says:

    I’ve been experiencing the same feelings too.Confusion,exhaustion,unmotivation and out of a sudden a ”Flashforward of my new life” out of the blue.I see some images belonging to my new life,my new city and my new job.All of this is not easy but I’m sure that the old me is dying :):)
    Love to everyone…

    • Hi Aylin,

      Thanks for writing. I’ve always felt that we transition many times throughout our lives. The person I was at twenty seems like a stranger now. The notion of continuity through transforming again after death seems ordinary and normal to me. What’s different this time is the pace. The other transformations have been a lot calmer!

      How interesting that your flashforwards have a practical element. I haven’t seen anything practical yet at all. Two friends and I were speculating the other day and we all agreed that we can’t see anything past Christmas! It’s like there’s a big blank.

      Whatever you’re seeing, let me know! I’m both intellectually curious and hopeful for reassurance.


      Mary Carol

      • Avatar Aylin says:

        Hi Mary,
        it’s giving me relief that I’m not alone.When I let go of all the resistance,those moments are rare nowadays..I see some images or maybe I’m better at imagining them when I don’t have resistance.I see myself living in my dream city and doing my dream job,wearing my dream clothes and being in really good shape.And being in love with myself:) They’re not really detailed,Maybe I’m just making them up but anyway it feels good:)

  • Avatar Kat says:

    MC! What a beautiful post! Brought tears to my eyes! Please don’t stop writing or communicating with us. I thought of the same thing, getting off the Internet or cutting the time I spend on it in half. Perhaps the latter is better. It’s great to keep in touch with people who study and practice this stuff, for it helps you and all of us and it is just good to communicate the way we do for the overall vibration. As for tv, I totally agree with you and by all means, not tuning in will actually be if benefit. I, too, have recently decided this.

    Death dreams can certainly indicate the metaphorical death of something and the beginning of something else. Last night I had a dream a little girl died and I witnessed it. Then in another part of the dream she was still alive and I wanted to protect her from death. Could it have been the inner child?

    Thank you for sharing all this, MC. It is most helpful and comforting to know that we aren’t crazy and, speaking for myself, merely letting go of modes of thinking which explain the rut we have been in for a while.

    • Hi Kat,

      As I said to Fonzy above, I’m not going anywhere! In fact, maybe WE can transform the Internet into the source of joy that we want it to be. So many of us are already spreading joy – let’s keep the shiny happy puppy army growing!

      That’s an interesting speculation about the inner child. There’s something we haven’t been understanding about death that is coming more and more into focus. I can’t see it yet, but it keeps feeling like it’s coming (the understanding, not my own death!), and it’s good.

      Tell you what, let’s all agree to be crazy together, if crazy means joyful and tearful and living every moment. Huge hugs,

      Mary Carol

  • Avatar Ayla says:

    I thought maybe you were hanging out in my mind, Mary Carol. When I read your words they sounded like they were coming from me.
    I knew going into 2012 that something really big was going to happen, and I had mixed feelings about it. The journey has been one on which I had never yet been. Oddly, what and who inspired me to take it do not seem to have as much importance as they did when I began, and that’s the part that I am struggling with, the part I’m having trouble letting go. I had gotten so many signs from Spirit Guides that I thought it was the right path. Maybe it still is; however, it seems evident that something has to happen within me first, a process not unlike testing gold for its purity and strength. And so much of the things I thought brought me security are crumbling away. You’re right. It’s scary as hell.
    We all go through phases in our lives; that’s how we grow and learn. But looking back I have just as much regret for what I did as for what I haven’t yet done. I mourn the time wasted that I will never get back. I curse the frustration of it all because if I’d had a map and knew where to go, that time could have been used better.
    But if this journey takes me to Who I Really Am and if I have enough to have time to enjoy that and share it with others, I believe it will be worth it.
    Blessings to you and all who are dealing with this. And thank you for the blessings you and your words bring to others.

    • Hi Ayla,

      Your words, ‘Oddly, what and who inspired me to take it do not seem to have as much importance as they did when I began, and that’s the part that I am struggling with, the part I’m having trouble letting go’ are equally true for me. I too feel like some of my human guides are drifting back away from me, and it’s part of the struggle realizing that I need to just let them go. ALL the old stories, EVERYTHING is sloughing off.

      Please try to learn to see your life without regret! Regret means that you are still blaming yourself, and if you’re blaming yourself, you can’t help but be blaming others too. The two go together like both sides of a coin. Time is never wasted. Better than wishing for a map is to realize that there was no map, there is no map, there will never be a map, and we don’t need no stinking map!!

      We keep hearing that we should live in the present, and it feels a bit to me like these times are drumming that into us with a sledgehammer. Shedding the past, and totally uncertain of the future. Yep, that’s where we are – right here in the moment!

      Thank you and bless you for being here with us all, and for sharing your thoughts. Big smooshy hugs,

      Mary Carol

      • Avatar Nathalie says:

        “Shedding the past, and totally uncertain of the future. Yep, that’s where we are – right here in the moment!”

        Oooh, this hit home. Big time. Shedding the past, completely uncertain and therefore frightened about the future. Not sure what to do or where to go from here. Only knowing that something is changing, and in a big way. Problem is I don’t know *what* I’m changing into or how I will handle it. I feel on edge. I’m easily set off right now and will snap at people for no reason. Sometime I want to run run run until I collapse with exhaustion. Sometimes I just want to stay in bed and not get up (can’t do that… small kids to look after). I can’t settle to anything or concentrate for any length of time. Something is swirling all around, just on the edge of my perception — not something I can see with my eyes, not like a wind I can feel on my skin, or a scent in the air, but I can *feel* it somehow… something is swirling and picking up speed. I’m fascinated by it. Yet wary. And at the same time I just want the damn storm to break and be done with it aready (if it is the precursor to a storm… I don’t really know *what* it is I feel).

        I guess I have two choices at this point: I can either embrace the change and flow willingly with the currents, learning to navigate as I am swept up in it, and choosing to have faith that things will become clearer and I will become stronger as I go along.

        Or I can push against it in a futile effort to stop the changing.

        And I don’t really want to stop the changing… I know I need it, I know I want it. And life is change, after all. But for love of all things, why oh why is this so freaking uncomfortable right now???

        (Random thought: I wonder if caterpillars feel like this as they turn into butterflies…)

        • Hi Nathalie,

          Your description is beautiful and spot on for what many of us are experiencing. I love reading everyone’s words, and seeing how together we are!

          Your insight to embrace the change is clearly the way to go. Embrace, embrace, embrace! Whenever I finally manage to relax and just say, Bring it on, something clicks into place and my spirit lightens. And whatever the shift is, it’s never as big-scary-monster as I anticipated.

          Turns out my physical symptoms have a name – dengue fever! I don’t have a bad case, very mild really, but it does explain the random headaches, super-tiredness, and full body rash. It’s interesting that I didn’t get the diagnosis until after I’d ‘figured out’ what it all meant energetically. I explained the insight in the conversation with Nay, below, if you’re interested.

          Hang in there Nathalie! It’s funny how Dec 21 has gone from being a doomsday date to feeling like, okay, hurry, let’s go ahead and change already! Major hugs,

          Mary Carol

  • Avatar Laura says:

    Hi MC-

    I pretty much want to echo everything Kat said. I think this sort of connection is important to keep. Maybe just being more discriminatory about what you read and participate in online would be a more beneficial answer. As for TV, yes, I think if it were up to me (lived alone) I would certainly get rid of regular TV, but hold onto a DVD player.

    There’s a lot of trash out there, but there are also movies that teach us things and have messages in them. In fact I received a big message from an unlikely movie last night called “How Do You Know?” And it was a real good and juicy piece to my self discovery work.

    I’ve had many of those thoughts that you talk about here…total disconnect but for me, I find it comes from being in a depressed state and I realize later isolating isn’t really the healthiest choice. Your post does give the vibe of being in a depressed state. (Not a judgment or put-down, just an observation.)

    There is so much to learn about yourself through others. I know you have face to face relationships, but there’s a lot to be said about finding like mindeds from distant lands that we’ve never had the opportunity to reach out to before the advent of the internet. To completely disconnect brings to mind an expression that an ex therapist of mine used to use, “Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.”

    Thanks for sharing big personal parts of you.

    Big rescue puppy and kitty hugs back to ya.

    • Hi Laura,

      How interesting and insightful that you bring up depression. I talk in person about these times too, with friends all over the globe, and many of us have likened these current feelings to depression. For me, the difference is duration. I fully understand and expect that at some point, greater clarity will come. Having experienced depression, I know that one of the defining characteristics, at least for me, is that I can’t see a way out. So while the symptoms feel all too familiar, what’s going on is something other than depression. I prefer to think of it as cleansing, letting the old stuff come up to wash away.

      You are full of interesting thoughts in your comment! The idea of withdrawal is also something a lot of us are facing. As Ayla said, we may no longer connect even to those who’ve been fundamental in our growth! A challenge for me is finding a balance between alone time, which I clearly need a lot of especially now, and loneliness. For myself, I try to socialize some every day, at least for an hour or two. And I try to talk to loved ones every day if possible.

      How about you? Do you have some coping mechanisms we could learn from? Would you be comfortable sharing your insight from the movie? I’d love to hear about it.

      More rescue hugs back to you, (we’re all rescuing each other, aren’t we?!)

      Mary Carol

      • Avatar Laura says:

        Hi MC-
        Sure I’ll share the message. Self acceptance is at the roots of accepting others. Being true to self is at the root of true happiness It’s key to attracting people and things that will enhance that happiness easily without anxiety, desperation or even much effort.

        And then there’s that part on not pushing square pegs into round holes and forcing something to work out even if it goes against your values, or changing someone to make them who you want them so they do fit your value system. Yeah…we all know how well that works out. LOL. 😉

        I started to address your comments on depression as I have battled it all my life. And speaking of acceptance, I think I’m really just now truly really accepting that I have this and must be diligent at staying out of “the dark.” There’s also more to it that I think is part of it, but can’t get a diagnosis. But you know…you just know.

        I used to not see a way out but now being older, I think I just decided even while in the darkness that there is a way out. The pain got to be too much that my only option was to find it even through the dark. I just have never and still don’t feel suicide is an option. I guess I don’t resonate with that long term solution. I’ve finally achieved some light but it’s a work in progress.

        I may very well have been projecting onto you. All the reading and learning about brain health…well it’s got me hypersensitive to things that look and sound like so called symptoms.

        There really is so much more to say here, in fact it’s a post all on it’s own. I am doing my own writing now too. So this is a great prompt.

        Thanks MC.

        • Thank you so much for sharing more of your insights, Laura!

          Your comment about projecting hits home for me. Whenever I have a thought about someone, I try to see it as a reflection of a thought about myself. Not always successful, but I keep trying!

          Being yourself and letting others be themselves is so key to everything. Embrace your inner whatever! For me, it’s the inner nerd – yeah nerds everywhere!

          Given that many who are generally upbeat are feeling symptoms like depression, I have a lot of empathy with those to whom these symptoms are familiar. It can be scary to wonder whether you are sinking into a depression. Your analogy of seeing the light from the middle of the darkness is so apt. Letting go and getting lighter (pun intended) in a lot of ways is the opposite of depression, even though it feels similar!

          Hugs, Laura! Thanks again for sharing your thoughts,

          Mary Carol

  • Avatar Nay says:


    So heartfelt, it brought tears to my eyes, and I can so relate and feel your pain! But your evaluation of it, what you take from it is such a huge reminder to me that the feelings are telling us something. They’re providing the guidance that points out we are holding onto and/or believing something that is no longer serving us.

    Now I will work on accepting that my recent doubts and feelings of lack are just the raising of my vibration. As it goes up, what has been my norm before, no longer resonates and is kicking up a fuss. Until I let it go, it will keep kicking at me! 🙂

    And though I rarely watch TV, I do read a lot of fiction books, and I am having the same issue with that. The books just aren’t doing it for me. I start them, then can’t quite get through them. And that so rarely happens to me! When I start a book, I almost always finish it!

    So there is a shift, a change that I feel, and though it is not scaring me, it is frustrating me. And yes, it does help so much to hear from others experiences. It helps with the dealing and expansion, and the new ideas that flow.

    Keep flowing Mary Carol!

    • Hi Nay,

      Wow! I went through months of not being able to read fiction, after a lifetime of four or five novels a week. Now I’m at a stage where I crave sweet, silly stories, and I’m devouring Regency romances, of all things! I find they soothe me into sleep. Go figure. If you feel like reading, read. If you don’t, try Killer Sudoku! That’s what got me through my non-reading phase. Hee hee.

      I am in the middle of another great shedding, and your writing about doubts and lacks prompts me to ask if you are willing to share. As you said, we learn from each other.

      I’ve had a body rash, possibly a reaction to dengue, that’s made my skin hurt all over my body. Weird! I can’t say this with security, but I think it has to do with being told that I am too sensitive, that I need to toughen up – basically that I lack walls. Now, I feel like the solution is to walk in the world without skin, with NO boundaries. To truly be part of the unindividuated whole. Which is totally against the wisdom of every psychologist (and I know a few…). What do you think? Does that resonate at all with you?

      Thank you again and again for sharing the journey! Hugs,

      Mary Carol

      • Avatar Nay says:

        Ahh MC,

        So many things coming to the surface! And share I can, but it’s all so random and broad. Doubts about changing and becoming happy, and nothing changing in my life. Fears that if I do go all LOAy and change, I will change into an old fuddy duddy that is no fun, or will pull away from all those I love, or will not doing something I’ve always wanted, because it will no longer resonate, and I’ll miss out…somehow. Crazy fears and doubts like these are just rolling through me! I laugh because they are so silly, but they are still there. 😯

        And then little issues in life that never used to bother me, and now they are driving me crazy. Things people do, things they don’t do, the way something is done…all now suddenly seeming to be piling up around me, getting on every last nerve I have!! Hahaha

        It’s nothing huge, yet there’s so much of it. Which just tells me, big shifts are happening, and I am becoming very uncomfortable. So obviously I’m fighting letting go of resistance, but not sure what the resistance is on a lot of it.

        So maybe it’s like you. I’ve spent so much of my life trying to be careful and make no waves in an effort to protect my too sensitive self. But my shifting vibration is saying somethings gotta change. Is it a belief that I have to protect myself that is causing all of these issues to rear up? Am I becoming annoyed at myself, and so I’m seeing that in my annoyance with other things around me?

        And becoming part of the whole does resonate, but the fear of having no boundaries is HUGE!!! No boundaries means I’m open to being hurt. Yep, big resistance and belief there! So the question is, how much of this is simply a fear of not being safe, including all of my annoyance? If I felt safe, would all the fears and annoyances just go away? I think they may, but haven’t worked out how to feel safe just being me. Still feel a strong need to protect myself always. Ah well, there’s always more to work on. 😉

        Thanks MC, for the openness and profound insights you always provide!

        • Wow, Nay!

          The whole first paragraph, I was going, Yes, yes, yes… Everything you describe is what I’m feeling too! The emotions may be little and silly and yet they are also profound and true. As we fight to hang onto our resistances, everything magnifies. This morning I got annoyed when a contractor was an hour late in arriving. PERFECT! It uncovered a host of emotions about wanting to feel respected.

          I’m settling a little into the feeling of having zero boundaries. It somehow feels totally safe. I walk around thinking, I have no skin, I have no skin. This morning I truly feel like I AM my Soul. My Soul doesn’t need skin or boundaries – why should I??

          Maybe we need to realize that we CAN’T protect ourselves. The beautiful irony is that when we stop trying, we are able to feel truly supported and one with the Universe for the first time!

          Huge hugs! I’m so glad you’re on the journey with me!

          Mary Carol

          • Avatar Nay says:

            ‘…We can’t protect ourselves.’ That one sets off fire alarms in me! But, but, but, but, I will get hurt, stomped on, destroyed!!! Hmmmm.

            I’m guessing maybe I have some major protective walls!!! It’s funny, I remembered something similar to this not too long ago. One of my vows when I was pretty young (about 9?), was that I would always be able to take care of myself, without relying on anyone. That way, I’m never disappointed or hurt by someone elses actions.

            And what you said here brought it back and makes me realize there’s a lot of fear in that thought. Worried about relying on others…why? I think I know, and here I was thinking I already worked through that issue!!!

            Thanks MC!

          • We are so together on this, Nay! Super huge giant hugs!

            I realized a while ago that I spent almost my whole life not trusting anyone or anything. Being happy meant something bad was going to happen. Arggg. Not a way to live!

            I also had a real fear of letting someone else down, even worse than them letting me down. I bet you relate to that one too. All these were deeply buried, and I’ve actually led what has felt like a mostly happy life.

            Baby steps, baby steps, I started to move toward the Universe isn’t out to destroy me, all the way to now feeling absolutely supported. Whew! Thank you to everyone and everything – with a huge shout out to Melody – who has helped me ease along into being my Soul!

            I believe that the desire is the mother to the reality. My life has been spent wanting wisdom: picture a five year old wanting not money, not even love, but wisdom! I was a weird kid. Never did I expect wisdom to take the form it has, or to be so difficult in the pursuit, or so worthwhile in the finding!

            You are clearly on the path, Nay. The fear WILL fall away. Just give it gentle nudges, no more than your comfort zone. Here’s another virtual hug to support you on your brave journey!

            Mary Carol

          • Avatar Nay says:

            Yep letting people down is a biggy for me too! 😆
            Thanks Mary Carol for all this support and love, cause I truly do feel it!

          • Avatar Will says:

            No boundaries, no skin, love it. I’ve always been pretty solitary but recently it makes little difference to me if I socialise or not, or even go out. I get plenty of contact with people at work anyhow. I want some time in my own head, being me, leaving social compromises for another day. No interruptions from anyone telling me how to feel, time to release everything.
            Trust yourself first (get on with things you want to do and like doing and if one day you just can’t be bothered, so what?) then you don’t have to worry about who else to trust so you will anyway because you are no longer afraid. Whooop!
            No way am I giving up internet, I’m a dopamine addict…and I like TV sometimes, especially films and we might even be missing out on some useful stuff on sitcoms. Ask Shakespeare. Anyone have his email?

          • Hi Will,

            Sounds like we’re pretty similar. I spent years as a math teacher and single parent of young kids – that was about all the togetherness I could handle. Now, a couple of hours a day with people I enjoy does me just fine.

            Love the Shakespeare reference. I wonder what he’d be writing about today? Somehow, I think he’d be as popular and timely as he was in his day. Fun to imagine…

            Hugs, and thanks for joining the conversation,

            Mary Carol

        • Avatar KimS says:

          “Fears that if I do go all LOAy and change, I will change into an old fuddy duddy that is no fun, or will pull away from all those I love, or will not doing something I’ve always wanted, because it will no longer resonate, and I’ll miss out…somehow.”

          Nay, as you go all LOAy, you get to be MORE yourself than ever before bc you’re letting go of all that resistance! 🙂 Everything that is holding us back from the true expression of ourselves is resistance. (!!!) (<–specialty exclamation points just for you! Lol!)

          So, we are not now as close to loved ones as we could be, we are not as fun or brave or inquisitive or open to everything we've always wanted to do — bc we have resistance, fear. But, become free from those things, and OMG/U, we SHINE!! Our true, beautiful, fun, loving open selves! There will be no resistance, no difference between who we are and who we want to be! Who We Really Are!

          and that doesn't mean we'll go all holy and start fasting and praying and denying ourselves worldly pleasures and trips to Cabo — NO! God/Universe wants to experience life AS US!! Even now, with all my resistance, God is loving every instant of being me. And when I lose my fear, when I release my resistance, and when I finally let go of my Identity, I will be able to be even MORE me than ever before! I won't suddenly be too holy and too enlightened to want to wear expensive perfume and I'm still going to want to travel to Italy and and drink wine (yes, i know, I don't like wine, but I WANT to like wine — see what God gets to experience as me?? haha!) and that is NOT going to change! I'm just going to be giving myself UNLIMITED PERMISSION TO BE MYSELF. (!!!!!!!!!!!)

          I just imagine that I will start hugging and laughing with and connecting my family in an incredible REAL way. I will no longer give any … anything! … I will give no attention to the dysfunctions I've shared for so long, bc that shit is not real! It is a fear! Holding me back from truly expressing my total joy in my family! (Oh, and my total joy in ME, btw! ) It is a boundary that I do not need (though I was taught I do need it. 🙁 )

          Anyway, I've also found that the fewer boundaries I have, the closer I feel to everyone! I feel less afraid, and .. my feelings are getting harder to hurt, if that makes any sense. 🙂

          Who We Really Are, absolutely doesn't need to be protected — from who? We Are All One! We Are All God! We Are All Love!! We couldn't hurt each other if we tried! haha! It is my IDENTITY, my ideas about who I am, that is being unjured or offended, but … my identity is a product of my perspective (the ultimate thought-form! haha!) — and I'm actively working to change my perspective (ie "raise my vibration") , which means … my identity isn't even REAL!! (I know, right?!?! haha!) So, when I am my Real Self, my Soul as MC might say, I have nothing to protect! Other earthly perspectives (identities) cannot hurt TrueMe, and other OnesInGod are only loving me! 🙂

          I remember a long-ago conversation w/ my son (who I swear is a Master!). I was telling him that I was so afraid of changing, that I was terrified of losing my identity, bc it's the only "me" I knew. My son, all of 20 years old, starts laughing as if I have just told him the best joke he's ever heard and then says, "but Mom, You're identity isn't even real!"

          Wow, thanks Colin — I finally understand what you meant! 🙂 🙂 🙂

          (and thanks to everyone else here that helps me "finally" understand. haha!)

          • Avatar Nay says:

            Big tears, laughing, more tears and more laughing!!! Now I’m going to read it again, and again be amazed at what you just wrote. It’s soooo….perfect! 😀

            Thank you Kim, Thank you!

          • Avatar Kat says:

            “I’ve also found that the fewer boundaries I have, the closer I feel to everyone! I feel less afraid, and .. my feelings are getting harder to hurt, if that makes any sense”.

            Kim, this makes total sense! Yes! This is it! And I felt that your son is a Master. Masters go through a lot, as I have been told, but things go well in the end.

          • Hi Kim S,

            I agree with Nay and Kat that yours is a comment to read again and again and again! Maybe I’ll print it out and put it on the wall by my bed. Beautiful!! Thank you, thank you!

            Giant smooshy Real Me hugs,

            Mary Carol

        • Avatar Kat says:

          Haha, Nay, that won’t happen. You won’t become a “fuddy duddy that is no fun”. Quite the contrary, it will be the opposite! I consider fuddy duddies those who blindly conform to society’s calls, have no life, no nothing about LOA, and who would never have such conversations with people because they think it is fluff. But you know way more and better, so do not worry one bit. that won’t happen.

          And, when you open yourself, you do not really get hurt. There is no sting, really, as it does not phase you. After something that does happen, you move on immediately, rather than harping on it when being overprotective. The more overprotective I find one is, the more things bother one and the more fear-driven their life is, the more disconnected they are from universal force. Just my 2 cents.

          • Hi Kat,

            It’s the transition part that’s most difficult – enough resistances left so you do get hurt, enough clarity that you know the walls aren’t helping. That’s where a lot of us are now, and thank heavens that with the help of the amazing 2012 energy, we’re hurtling through this stage toward lightness!

            Great big Tuesday morning hugs,

            Mary Carol

          • Avatar Nay says:

            Amen MC!

            Transition are us! Wouldn’t it be great if clarity always cleared up all issues! 🙂 But since it doesn’t always happen that way, on with the hurtling, like a super ball, bouncing off objects, in random trajectories, at break neck speed, only to smack back into our real selves once the journey is done! :mrgreen:

          • Hee hee, Nay. Pinballs R Us!

            I found out yesterday that I have dengue – just the manifestation I need right now (no sarcasm!). All you can do for dengue is rest. Yeah!! My psychic energy may be zooming around, but my body is slowed down to a crawl.

            Sleepy hug – I’m about to go back to bed…


          • Avatar Nay says:

            Kitty Kat!

            Thanks for this! Intellectually I know those fears aren’t true, but when I listen to what comes up when I think about it, there they are!!! Hahaha! And what’s really scary is I have been more like an old fuddy duddy, because I avoided so much due to fear! Like sharing here. In the recent past there is no way I would have written on these posts, or shared some of the things I’ve shared. I was worried about what others thought of me, to the extreme!

            OHHH! And the more open I am on here, the happier and freer I feel. I have more fun and just get more out of it! As I open, let down my guard, just be me, I feel better!?! Can you say EPIPHANY…right…here!!! So many signs when I pay attention. 🙂

            And I did a little thinking on fear the other night after reading these posts, and it was very enlightening. In a nut shell, if you live in the NOW, there is no fear. Fear can only be present when you are worried about what might happen, or what has happened before. When you are in the now, if there is fear, it goes away as fast as it appears, unless you hold onto it. Same with hurt. You can only be hurt by others when you are worried about how they perceive you, which is a worry about a future event or something that has already happened!

            So amazing when you really think about it! I’ve always kinda been frustrated by the whole living in the NOW, but its starting to make a whole lot more sense! It’s freeing yourself from the troubles that negative thinking about events can cause. If you are focused right here and now, how can past and future interfere with this moment? It makes this moment brand new, because it isn’t being compared to the past or a future envisioned.

            OK! Done. I could go on about something that has been covered and explained by others. Funny how when YOU figure something out, it’s like a whole new revelation that nobody else can possibly get unless you explain it from your point of view! Hahahaha! 😆


          • Hey Nay! Hi Kat! I do love it when we each explain where we are! What an amazing community we have, where we can explore ourselves on paper. For me, often the deep insights come during meditation or when I wake up in the morning, but the writing pulls everything together.

            I LOVE watching everybody think! Wow! Like you said, Nay, this blog is a contact high.

            Hugs and hugs,

            Mary Carol

      • Avatar Christina says:

        Mary Carol,

        Part of our pastor’s message on forgiveness yesterday was a discussion about walls, about an unforgiving heart being like a fortified city. He said we put up walls to keep out the bad things, the people who hurt us. However, those walls also keep out the good people, the ones who love and care about us. It is scary to think about letting those walls go, bringing them down and opening up to all the hurt. However, we forget we’re opening up to all the great and wonderfulness of the world as well. Living without walls, getting out of the fortified city where we’ve felt “safe”, that is a scary thing. But I believe it can be the best thing we could ever do.

        • Hi Christina,

          What a beautiful message! As I wrote to Nay in the comment above, living without walls feels a lot like living as Soul. Realizing that there is no protection (and no need for it) is actually liberating from fear, however scary it is to get there.

          Thank you for sharing your pastor’s message! Hugs,

          Mary Carol

          • Avatar Kat says:

            “living without walls feels a lot like living as Soul. Realizing that there is no protection (and no need for it) is actually liberating from fear, however scary it is to get there”.

            MC, this is the vortex! That is what it is like! At least part of it!

          • Hi Kat,

            I love the way we each keep saying the same things in our own words. Each iteration helps clarify that little bit more. I’m glad my words resonate with you, and thank you so much for your own expression which helps me so much!



        • Avatar Nay says:

          That is perfect Christina.
          Thank You!

      • Avatar Ayla says:

        I always appreciate others’ opinions and reactions to the posts that resonate with me as well, so I go back often to a post I liked to see what they thought about it too.
        Myself to blame, I don’t sleep much and thus don’t remember many of my dreams these days. But last night’s was a doozy! I dreamed that not only the shingles came back, but with a real vengeance–spreading to almost every square inch of my skin. (I got them first young in life, I think, in hindsight, as a result of a lot of different emotional stressors I was dealing with at the time.) I remember feeling that itchy pain and ache, and when I looked at it, I could see not only the inflamed surface skin shedding and dying (sorry for the grotesque visual allegory!) but also the new perfect skin underneath. I remember thinking during the dream, “Just shed it already!” In my dream, I knew that if I could just calm down, quit fretting about the feeling that time is slipping away, live in the moment and stop worrying about the future and surrender it, the process would go faster, and I was more than ready. Of course the dream was a metaphor for all this I’m going through now. It just simplified my thoughts for me.
        Today I read about your having dengue fever (I hope you are better soon!) and all of the dream details came back clearly. I too feel like there are too many boundaries–most self-imposed!–and working through that, shedding that old skin of limitation is the key.
        And I think that while there are indeed some people we will encounter on the path that either have a good message or even just the best of intentions, ultimately since each of us are different parts of the whole, we have our own roles in it. So perhaps if you are feeling a strong spiritual pull that is against the wisdom of psychologists but feels undeniably right to you, seems like your True Self knows you better than anyone else.
        Rambling here, but this is often how I figure things out.
        I love the support system here. I have learned so much from reading insights and such from all of you. It’s like going out for spiritual coffee: we hang out, we help each other, and it helps us wake up. Better than Folger’s any day! 🙂

        • Avatar Kat says:

          Yes, Ayla, that is a great way to put it! Spiritual coffee time! Spiritual spa, if you will.

          You answered your own questions regarding your dream. It is a metaphor. If you felt good, even better. You are definitely on the right track and your dreams prove this, so trust that. You also daydream and visualize do well, I see great things happening which you should anticipate, yet in the now, all is well and here you are!

          • Avatar Kat says:

            Oh, yeah, the inner being is the best guide yet. It just knows and is never wrong, no matter what anyone else says. It is so silly how we worry ourselves sick for nothing most if the time. I mean, almost always. And none if the worst case scenarios come true anyway. They just never happen, so we worry for naught. What an incredibly absurd way to spend precious time, focusing on these things and lowering our vibration, which the universe depends on to deliver our orders. Man, knowing this is like most if the freakin battle. As Abe says, all is well and it really is!

        • Hi Ayla,

          ‘shedding that old skin of limitation’ – that’s perfect!! Walking around with no skin still feels great today. Ahhh…

          The dengue comes and goes. Yesterday I thought it was all over, today is the worst day yet. But so far, I’m just tired and headachy. These days I’m way glad for a hyper-active immune system.

          Thank you so much for being an important part of our support system. You rock!

          Mary Carol

  • Avatar Tinu says:

    Mary Carol ! Thank you for sharing, I’m glad am not alone and I’m with you all the way, scary as hell ! yay ! all my old thoughts were what made precious moi, and now I’ve got to let go ! emmmmm ! yay ! but.but. but… absolutely no buts, I’ve just keep going, and wait patiently.

    My vision of the future and metaphor are formed when I catch a glimpse of what lies ahead…it puts a smile on my face, I’m smirked, it feels good, I’m happy, content… (even though ‘now’ doesn’t feel like it) yay ! thank you Universe ! As I’m sure it is for us all !

    Since my huge release, further small releases have followed…I’ve being on a limbo, up and down moods, actually NUMB ! Although I knew it was the release but wanted to fully understand what was going on.

    My yearning took me back to read Melodys blog post on ‘Managing the Void’ to help me fully understand what’s going on, and your sharing here reaffirms and keeps me in perspective, so thank you thank you Mary Carol.

    Changes come in different forms, if TV or any other else doesn’t take my fancy anymore, I’ll go with it, but doesn’t mean I would never watch TV again, I may in the future become selective of what I watch, or not at all, but it’s not final. I deal with my feelings at the moment, if and only when it feels good to do so.

    You are precious !!

    • Hi Tinu,

      It does so help having company in these changing times! Thank you for being here and contributing on the blog. I appreciate your point about not making sweeping statements. Who knows? TV and the Internet are part of the changing universe too. We have no idea what awaits in the wings – just that, from the glimpses I’ve seen, it has the chance to be awesome.

      I’m so glad you’re smiling! Me too! Hugs,

      Mary Carol

  • Avatar Alice says:

    Hi MCM,

    I just noticed your last name was Moran. I always thought the last bit was “Morgan” like the witch. I thought you had this really long name.
    I like the name Morgan. 🙂

    I have 2 views on this “2012” stuff people are going on about:

    a) Welcome to the type of thing people felt everyday for years, it’s called major depression, and I barely get relief from it for years, along with health issues.
    Now people can see it’s just not that easy to “snap out of” and put on a happy face and stop being so negative.
    It really takes the wind out of your sails, drags everything up, you cry and release, but the releasing never ends. Six years ago a friend assured me this would end, I just had to let it out. Well we’re still there people, and the hurt doesn’t go away. Positive focus does not banish those things, it’s not about willpower or things like that.

    I think this is a good thing, as after the pain, people may have better empathy for others, less haughty and better help for people in tough times. When I have a tough time it’s on top of the daily depression that is already there. I cry most days.

    As for me, it didn’t clear before, so I really hope this is the last of the clearing, as I’ve been in the boat a lot longer.
    If you do distance reading feel free to visit my soul and ask about it, I’m not exaggerating to be a pain.

    I don’t like it that you and Melody have to go through this, because you two already paid your dues in life, went through enough, and deserve to live happily. But if that’s what it’s doing, that’s what it’s doing.
    I don’t have a good answer for relief, otherwise I’d have helped myself, I just do positive distractions to get through my days.
    In the morning, I wake up and it’s reset to the default vibration, and everyday I have to do the monumental task of cheering up on a daily basis.

    I do hypnosis, councilling, walking, comedies, try to cure my health, hobbies, happy things…didn’t help me long-term.
    That’s what it’s like, and no you just don’t want to do anything, and there’s the added bad feeling when people recover from it and you don’t.

    So this 2012, has been my “reality” for a very long time, I guess I’m a veteran of it.

    b) As always I get insights, memories, enlightenment, strokes of hope and “ah-ha” moments every second day.
    If you can’t hold the cheer you can’t really implement it during the upheaval. Luckily as this is a 2012 thing for most people, all this will be implemented for them after the storm.

    You’ll do better with the insights when you are in a good mood. 😉 I know, I know, at this point there will barely be good moods.
    When you do you’ll think it’s over, feel a sense of pride, it’s done you moved forward and BANG there’s more waves.
    So be prepared for the waves, otherwise, like me year after year you get excited that it’s finally over and disappointed when it’s not.

    As for the health, well, when one ailment clears another will take it’s place–good thing–they clear, and shift around, at least offering mild relief.
    Chronic symptoms will not leave though.

    2nd view on topic: Raising energy. Well our hope, is that for the new and old veterans of these feelings that this is the year it finally ends! (please!)
    People are evolving!

    It can only get better from here!

    Keep me updated on anything that helps, and I’ll do likewise.

    On the positive side, as this is not your normal state, you have a very high chance of pulling yourself out- it’s not ingrained and will pass.

    I am certain you will feel better.

    Much love & kind thoughts to you.

    • Avatar Alice says:

      As for me T.V. has been very important to me as often I am not well enough to do most things, so sadly a passive activity like t.v. gives me something other than staring at a wall.
      Reading often hurts my eyes, and often conversations are taxing on my mental energy.

    • Hi Alice,

      Battling depression is tough. The best advice I’ve ever received was to focus on whatever good thing you can notice. In a post-partum depression, one day I noticed how sweet it felt when my daughter lifted her arms to me to be picked up. Just that. I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t before noticed the joy of that moment, which happened of course many times every day.

      It sounds to me like you are already noticing plenty of good moments. If you let them, they will fill you with gratitude, which is a big step up in vibration.

      Though we write upbeat for the blog, don’t ever think that Melody and I don’t spend our fair bit of time crying, despairing, and wondering when the hell we’ll feel better. But moaning about it wouldn’t help us or anybody else, so what you get here is the shiny version. And not coincidentally, writing about and focusing on the shiny version helps make it a reality!

      Thank you as always for sharing your story. Giant hugs,

      Mary Carol

      • Avatar Alice says:

        Hello, well a quick stop back here after a medical appointment, get a mild relief from walking (a rare feat) and the talk—even on a poor topic, with another human being is nice.
        For this reason I’d recommend keeping your internet, because when I can’t do that, my time here gives me feeling of human interaction, and this is important.

        So while I am slightly better feeling than my last comment, before I go down again, I will reply!

        I have a weird trigger to the word “gratitude” because it reminds me of people saying to someone with money issues “you should be grateful you live in the first world, have a roof over your head”
        or to someone that broke their leg “be grateful you aren’t in a wheelchair/have permanent problem”

        Because those types of gratitude are guilt trips, and society view of gratitude is like that.
        I guess I do it a little, but have been softening it quite a lot. I no longer tell sick people “at least you aren’ty like me!!!” no, I am kind to people with the flu now. It won’t help anybody to get jealous of their temporary condition. I still feel it sometimes, I can’t force myself to drop it, but I’m getting there.

        But you still do get the ones that say “at least you don’t have AIDS!!!”—well, that’s a pretty good comeback.
        But didn’t make me feel better. 🙂

        As far as the shiny version, I am aware of that, but it didn’t seem to work with me in the past.
        I noticed that “the squeaky wheel gets the grease” because when I’ve been polite and don’t admit pain, no-one helped me, or thought I was OK or not so bad.

        When I got all up in peoples’ face and complained and said “HEY I’m REALLY STRUGGLING HERE!” people sat up medically and mentally and help started coming in.
        As soon as I seem ok or a bit happy, people revert to thinking I can manage, when I still have lots to go.
        This freaks me out, and I go back to making a fuss, because I don’t want to be left unhelped.

        It’s a vicious cycle but I don’t know a solution where I can get help without letting people know I need it.

        • Hi Alice,

          Melody has the trouble with the word ‘gratitude’ too. She likes ‘appreciation’ better. To me, they’re the same, but I certainly understand that certain words can be triggers. My thought was just to say ‘thanks’ as often as you can.

          Just a thought… We’re all throwing out old ideas that no longer work for us. To me, that’s what this time of upheaval is all about. One big idea I’ve thrown out is that I should be ‘doing’ something all the time. Each day, I work at ‘being’ myself, and letting whatever happens, just happen.

          Can you think of an old idea that no longer works for you? Just try one thing different for one day, and see what happens. Let me know how it turns out.

          I’m glad you’re feeling a bit better!

          Mary Carol

          • Avatar Alice says:

            Yes, I’ve had a HUGE insight recently, which was life changing:

            It’s a bit private, but I’m working with Melody in the comments, now I finally understand, really get some fundamental things, it’s a matter of implementing them and believing in them despite exterior circumstance.

            Something I have been avoid and dreading for a long time is about to happen, most likely, and now I understand some things, I still have a small chance to change my future, because the manifestation hasn’t played out just yet, and I only have about 3 weeks to stop it.

            I also need to get my health on track (years late!) I don’t know how, because this will change the direction of my life. My issue is I have a chronic, serious health issues (too private) physically and also anxiety/depression really holding me back big time.

            These have shaped the colour of my sunglasses of my whole life, because I don’t allow myself to think of what I really want from life, because that’s like a guy in a wheelchair saying he wants to be a dancer.

            Thing is technically, this can be cured, doesn’t happen often, is very unlikely, but it IS possible.
            And if I were to get through my huge layers of resistance to cure myself and “free my mind”
            The sky would be the limit, I’d no longer have to say “I could do this…but…I’m too sick…”

            Actually, I do do pretty much anything I wanted. Money wouldn’t be an issue, or work hours or borrowing money, or missing out on dates with friends.
            It’d change my whole perspective, and allow me to just live my life, without restrictions.

            So I figured that I don’t even know what I want, because my life has been about how this puts a cap on my abilities and what I can do.
            Because it is a part of my body, it’s hard to ignore!

            I can’t remember what it’s like to think of possibilities without those limitations.
            I’m trying to let myself dream, but it feels like that could never happen, like denial.—I know that LOA is all about trusting that it will happen, but, hey, I have trust issues.

            The doctors say I should accept I may never be cured, and plan my life accordingly, otherwise I’ll be stuck in denial. I’m not sure what is right; my gut feels I can do better.

            This is so very candid, and embarrassing, but I feel I need to be honest here, to move on.
            I have to force myself to hit the “submit” button, but I feel this is beneficial self-disclosure.
            I had a wall up too long.

          • Hugs, Alice. Baby steps! I can feel in your comment that you are moving in the direction of health and happiness. How lovely to begin to have a vision of what your life is without the restrictions! Relax and embrace your beautiful future, and it will come find you.

            More hugs,


          • Avatar Nay says:

            Yep just sitting here crying. Nothing more to say.

          • Avatar Alice says:

            Thank you, that means very much to me.

  • Avatar Alice says:

    As for my dreams…. yes … I had 1 dream this year where I was flying…something I’d never experienced before as most dreams are anxiety ridden.
    It was nice to have that one moment.

    Last night I dreamt a cow shrunk into a cat. The cow loved me. The cat had a friend that fur changed patterns.

    • Hi again, Alice!

      Those sound like fun dreams. Flying is good, cows are good, cats are good (well, for everybody but me, I’m allergic…). Fur that changes patterns is super good! I’m so glad your dreams can give you giggles! I’m giggling vicariously myself.

      More hugs,

      Mary Carol

      • Avatar Alice says:

        Yes, I wanted to keep those cute animals when I woke up. 🙂

        Thank you also for your story, it made me happy you liked mine, I often think I over-share! 🙂

        Say hello to the animals for me.

        • I have cute little stuffed animals on my bedside table so I get to wake up to them every day. Maybe you can find some little creatures that remind you of your dreams, speaking of which,

          Sweet dreams!


  • Avatar tony says:

    Dear Mary Carol Moran.
    You have my respect. This was not Pollyanna. This was two Pollyannas and one more as a gift in the parcel for home. 🙂 But it is more than ok for seriously bad tempered spiritual hooligans like myself

    “What is your vision of the future?”
    Define vision and future, please. We don’t even understand what vibration is (which is a question asked again and again in LOA past papers -but we don’t admit that our head is much like a brick to understand that because Melody told us not to beat ourselves, it’s not good for our spirit and I believe her)

    If vision is the search process of the right words (which we think is going on in our heads because we slightly turn our eyes and others move their tongue too), backrounded with a sentiment which depends on our physical condition, then no comments are available. The syllabus did not contain this topic, sorry.

    If I were you, I would write something like that:

    How to find enlightment in seconds: Instead of taking hours to allign, find a place you can dominate and use heavy violence. If you can beat the strongest, make sure the others are shocked and then ask them politely what they would have done in your position. If someone tries to answer, either shoot him or interrupt him calling him insensitive (or scream something irrational) and spread lies. Deprive them of sleep, make them feel guilty if they fall asleep during the day. Allow them to watch tv and smoke every day. Success guaranteed for both soldiers and civilians. Lasting results.

    If you can’t dominate (because of lack of strength/firepower or serious limiting beliefs), practice alligning and LOA spells from the crypt. Results not guaranteed but you can avoid prison. That’s what anyone seriously depressed wants anyway (but doesn’t want to admit). The truth hurts

    Teacher: YOU..Yes, You. What part of happy did you not understand? Find a happy thought NOW
    Pupil: But I’m not happy focusing on happiness. If I was happy doing that, I wouldn’t be here.

    Practical advice:
    1)get rid of people who make your life miserable, to the last one of them
    2)if you don’t have money for the essentials, swallow your pride and find a crappy job (even begging) and then focus on feeling better (you will realise you were already feeling better and you were ungrateful so you will be righteous when you beat yourself
    3)if nothing works,you can still pretend to be an artist (a painter who doesn’t get paid because he doesn’t do something useful-you know, but not yet aknowledged and rich, so your value will be greater for the experts of the underground) or consider attracting a very old person with a huge fortune (usually tits are needed)
    4) you can find people you love and actually tell them your true feelings (regardless if they have broken your heart) or find new ones to love and break the spell once and for all. You are now forgiven, sin no more

    • Hi Tony,

      Thanks for taking the time to write such a detailed comment! I enjoy thinking about your words. I’ll see your SBTSH (seriously bad tempered spiritual hooligans) and raise you three Pollyannas!

      Melody and I were just this minute talking about the future. She has visions and plans, but for me, it’s like the future doesn’t exist anymore. I really, really can’t think beyond going to get blood test results in an hour (they’ll be fine!). My kids are coming to visit for Christmas, and I have no expectations. General optimism, what else for Pollyanna?, but no details at all.

      It feels like the more I let go of the past, the less I think forward into the future. Here we are – right here, right now. Woohoo!

      At present it feels like dominating (yes, I see the tongue in your cheek!), and even teaching, are irrelevant. Everybody’s doing their own thing. Sharing, I get. Sharing feels good. It’s part of acknowledging that we really are part of the same Universe, not even interconnected, but one (going way off the touchy feely deep end…).

      I like your advice. One of the people I respect most in the world is also one of the most pragmatic. If it works, do it. If it doesn’t work, try something else. On the money thing, it’s been my philosophy for forty years that the easiest way to contentment is to need less. Which is not a diss to those who are in need of food and shelter. It’s easy enough to feel contented when your basic needs are met, and I don’t mean to sound smug.

      So again, thank you for sharing your always stimulating thoughts! Big bear hugs,

      Mary Carol

      • Avatar tony says:

        this illusion that we are in the same place because the surroundings seem to be the same is very funny! We push and struggle and then push some more and the only thing we do is keeping some vibrations the same and we randomly change some others to see if that new thoughts work (when what we are actually implying is that “I have no clue what I’m doing but I would like to be sure that this guessing is right”, so we get the right guessing but it’s still guessing). And from the vibrations I have experienced, only one thing was in common. None was knowing what exactly he was talking about! No doubt why, in the situations I have explored and recall in my mind, human beings were easily intimidated or manipulated (myself included).

        You say that “Sharing feels good”. Why? What exactly does sharing mean? As I see it, we say that “I want to give you something”. Are you sure you have found the right person, or do you mean that, generally speaking, it is good for a mankind with vague characteristics (perhaps the types of people I have met in my life or I saw in the movies, or I suspect that exist) to share things in general because they want to get in contact and we suppose this is the more fun way to do it judging from our experiences.

        “the easiest way to contentment is to need less”
        Less than what? I assume you mean less than what makes them feel bad, because they suspect they have to sacrifice something else in order to get it. Perhaps the easiest way to contentment is to relax and allow contentment. Perhaps it’s not possible to someone’s current state of tension but after a week off and lots of sleep with no intrusive thoughts, it could be a perfect reality.

        “It’s easy enough to feel contented when your basic needs are met”
        Not sure about that. I have met people who have more than they need to survive and they feel inadequate. To be more exact, they have more than they think they need to survive, according to their current level of comfort. I doubt they have ever tried to push themselves to their limits to actually know what their minimum requirements are and why they exist or if they are the same under different conditions. Even when we are talking about minimum requirements to sustain life, we are making a huge assumption, because, right now, none of the two of us is starving or freezing to death (I suppose, I can be sure for my part). We are acting like children who are talking about lions without actually having seen a real lion, not even at the zoo. Like soldiers who have never been at war. I recall some soldiers in my battalion who didn’t hold guns, they were just supporting stuff in offices and they were speaking to their girlfriends like they had just landed from a dreaded warzone.

        I suppose that what makes us unhappy is the profound realization that it’s not us who does the work. We want to make it happen but that’s the only order God cannot execute. We just have the illusion that we forced it to be done. And we can’t change other people’s reality without adopting them spiritually (with all the consequencies+the effort+the disappointment). We can only change our vibration to meet theirs and that hurts. A lot. This usually happens to people that love and care but make the fatal mistake to try to prove it.

        • Hi Tony,

          Thanks again for an elaborated response! You give me so much material to think about and work with.

          Your question about sharing leads me to expand a bit. To me, sharing is giving without expectation. There’s no choosing of whom to share with, because there’s no expectation at all. Just putting it out there, like this blog post. It’s out and shared and whoever wants to correspond can, and whoever just reads, that’s great too. And for the billions who don’t read it, that’s fine and wonderful too. It’s here. That’s the kind of zero-force sharing that feels wonderful to me. Like smiling.

          I agree with you that relaxing and allowing is the easy road to contentment. We grow up in such a want, want, want world. For me, about thirty years ago, the decision to opt out of rampant consumerism (for me it involved a divorce), made that road a lot easier to find.

          Your comment on basic needs is something I see every day. I live in Colima, Mexico, a relatively prosperous first world city in a third world country. Even here, people who make $400 US a month for 60 hours labor consider themselves adequately paid. There’s a contentment and joy here that I didn’t find where I lived in the US. Abundant food and water and reasonable shelter are basics, and people appreciate that they have these.

          Another thing I’ve noticed here is meticulous care for the possessions people do have. Houses are spotless. Washing the cobblestone street in front of your house with soap and water is commonplace. Children anticipate going to school, and boy, do they do their homework! Sorry for waxing poetic – you can tell I really love Mexico!

          Your final comment about control is what I think these times are really about. We are graphically, nose in the dirt, experiencing the stripping away of our histories, and the impossibility of foreseeing the future. Talk about being out of control! Only by finding the place of peace and calm in the middle of the hurricane, the NOW, can we relax. And once we’re here, perhaps shoved kicking and screaming!, the NOW feels so good, so right and awesome, that we want to stay here for the rest of our lives.

          Thank you again for your comments! It feels like our correspondence almost becomes another post. Big hugs,


          • Avatar tony says:

            I don’t think it’s impossible to foresee the future. Bookmakers would have been out of business.

            I think we have resistance to manifest the details we suppose we need to predict with confidence. That implies that we hold as true that the outcomes of our next moves are not predictable and yet we talk about spirituality and the LOA and that our reality responds exactly to our vibration.

            The outcomes of our next moves are very predictable from the moment we start doing something. We couldn’t drive otherwise. We may drive with confidence in local areas (and known destinations), but we know when we are confident to take risks or not, even though we cannot explain our decisions or our insecurity when we drive in other areas or different vehicles. We may lose consciousness of what we are emitting in the process but our vibration never ceases.

            The moment we stop creating consciously we engage in someone else’s plan. Since we are the observers, we deep down know what we are about to experience and how strong this manifestation is (to evaluate if we have enough energy to release resistance and manifest a change, if we have realised that we have this power and understand how to apply it). That’s the moment our fears come true. I suppose that’s why resistance and reluctance exist at first place.

          • Hi Tony,

            Hmmm… Okay, we can often predict what will happen, but we can’t actually know. I’ve sometimes thought that one of the reasons we are here as physical beings is that our souls relish the adventure of this uncertainty. Imagine being a perfectly connected Soul, all knowing, and think what fun it would be to feel surprise. Wow!



          • Avatar Kat says:


            Pertaining to kids going to school in Mexico, in your experience, I am curious, how does that compare to kids in the US?

          • Hi Kat,

            I can’t really speak about schools in Mexico, having never taught in one. What I observe is that the grandchildren of my friends are very conscientious. I teach a free English class, and the students are truly interested and always do a super job of whatever I assign them.

            I’ve also noticed that teenagers here are much more polite. Even teenage boys almost always smile and say good day when we pass on the sidewalk. There’s an ingrained respect here that’s quite delightful. That said, I’ve also met some spoiled little monsters, indulged in their every whim, interestingly mostly pretty little girls.

            Come visit and see for yourself! Wouldn’t that be fun! Hug,


          • Avatar Kat says:

            I just may take you up on that MC! How wonderful, an open invitation. I was just watching Tobey Keith’s “Bullets in the Gun”, as that is our song. My husband and I sort of have it as an “anthem” tongue in cheek.

            Yup, being conscientious sure is missing a lot, I notice.

            I used to say “whatever” but now my new saying is “whatever resonates”. Hahaha!

          • Email me through Melody when you’re ready to visit. Of course, your husband is invited too. Are you a teacher too? MC

          • Avatar Kat says:

            Grad/prof school.

            It will be a while. But it is great to know that there’s someone we will know there. Thank you!

    • Avatar Alice says:

      “seriously bad tempered spiritual hooligans”—I love this and possibly cross that line too many times myself. 🙂

    • Avatar Kat says:


      you hit a major one- “But I’m not happy focusing on happiness”. People do not know what happiness is, so much so that they feel uncomfortable with it! This is where most of society is stuck now. The default mode is that of unhappiness in any way, shape or form. When they are actually laughing to a joke of mine, for example, I see them light up, wrinkles on forehead disappear and they just shine! Amazing!

      When I meet other happy shiny puppies, we click instantly. I have been outcasted for being too happy and shiny on more than one occasion, which was no big deal to me, for I do my own thing, but just to show you what the dominant vibrtation is. When I started dipping into this vibration and going along with it, that is when things turned upside down for me, because I did it for quite some time.

      An Tony, it IS up to us. Most people give themselves grief and suffer from disorders only because they pinch off from God force. I am serious about this. I have seen this. It is becasue they believe they are nothing and it is not up to them and they go berserk. Yet, in the calmness of God-force, that is when you do the best stuff and yes, the future does become predictable because the universe makes it happen.

      • Hi Kat, and Tony by reference,

        Happiness is a slippery concept, isn’t it? It’s always made me a bit suspicious. Easier for me is to aim for joy. To me, joy has nothing to do with circumstances. It’s an inner light that we can feel and project at any time.

        Lately I’ve been noticing people I pass on the street. A totally ordinary, a little tired, maybe even a bit haggard-looking person smiles, and suddenly they are transformed into someone beautiful. Everybody smiles here – it’s engrained in the culture – and I keep seeing the transformation from plain to luminous. Maybe the soul really does shine in your smile.

        Smiles to you both,


  • Avatar Christina says:

    (quote) All the old stories are washing away. Everything I think I know about life is washing away. And I’m scared. Who wouldn’t be? Who am I without the old stories? I have no idea who I will be after the cleanse. (end quote)

    This hit me right in the heart. I am seeing myself changing, being more bold, stepping out where I used to step back. It’s scary, and I don’t know who I am anymore. It’s scary to change, but it’s more scary NOT to change, because I don’t want to stay where I am in my life. I am so grateful and thankful for everything that’s happened to me over the past two years when God began this work in me, and now I’m seeing fruit of that work and seeing how I’m continuing to grow and change. I don’t know who I will be after the cleanse, but I am SO looking forward to finding out!

    • Hi Christina,

      Reading those words gives me chills too, even though I wrote them. There seems to be an endless supply of things to let go of!

      Hold onto the sense that you are your Soul, and you are becoming more ‘Soul’ and less ‘history’ every day. Living at a high vibration connects you to so much joy! I don’t know if there is an ‘after the cleanse,’ because we’re all so complex, maybe we just keep peeling and peeling. At the moment, I’m happy when the pace slows down a little, so I can catch my breath and say thank you for the amazing changes so far.

      From all you write, I love getting to know you as you are right now, and I’m hugely looking forward to keeping in touch with the person you are becoming! Big hugs,

      Mary Carol

      • Avatar Alice says:

        Maybe we could find inspiration and solice from stories of people who have had full amnesia.
        Back in my suicidal days, I used to pray for amnesia, a way to stop the pain, start again, but not have to give up my pretty body! 😉 How vain!

        But there’s so many people I wouldn’t want to forget. 🙂

        • Hi Alice,

          Part of what we’re doing right now is selectively disconnecting from our past. Let the parts that no longer serve you fall away, and keep the moments of pure joy and love that sustain your spirit! The 2012 energy is helping us do this quickly, too quickly to be comfortable, but it’s happening. I like your analogy to voluntary amnesia – that’s a lot what it feels like.



          • Avatar Alice says:

            Keeping in mind that the depressed BEFORE this energy, will not have the same support network as a previous ok or happy person or life to turn to when this is happening.
            Thats’s the kicker, but tumble weeds are quite friendly. 🙂

    • Avatar Alice says:

      With your condition, it would also be scary in a way I can relate to….taking the huge risk of assumption that things will be healed.
      If we were wrong, we can’t turn back and say we need help…can we?

      It’s like going without a saftey net.

      • Hi Alice,

        Responding to both your comments together, I’m not one of those who thinks that
        people who are ‘unaware’ are having a horrible time with the rising energy. I think loads of people are continuing on with their normal lives. That said, the fact that you’re here on this blog tells me you aren’t one of those people, and ipso facto have the support network, right here!

        ‘taking the huge risk of assumption that things will be healed. If we were wrong, we can’t turn back and say we need help…can we?’ Nobody is saying don’t use conventional medicine. Right now I have dengue fever, which to me is the perfect energy manifestation for right now, BUT I’m also under a doctor’s care and taking all medical precautions. As Melody wrote recently, conventional medicine is one of many possible manifestations of solutions, none of which should be ignored.

        Thank you for raising a couple of important issues that I’m sure a lot of people are wondering about.



        • Avatar Alice says:

, no, no…I’m not talkking about that …I’m not a nutter, it’s ok…:-) Damn again to my poor communication skills!

          no, I mean in my own life taking on more responsibilities etc in the past with poor health…as soon as I do that people back off and go great, you’re fine!!!

          Which panics me, as it gives false impression, and I had been unable to keep those responsibilities up for very long.

          I was just trying my best. But it backfires on me, because it gives the impression I am fine, like with depression, if you try to “fake it until you make it” there won’t be any comfort left for you, because you appear fine.
          Then someone more needy will take your spot, even though you are dying inside…

          Does that make sense..? It’s bourne of anxiety I know, but it’s how I think.

          • Hi Alice, I never thought you were a nutter, at least no more than all of us! I know exactly what you’re talking about. When I was hospitalized, the overworked nurses complained that I was too healthy to be taking up a bed, until the doctors explained to them that I could die at any second (lovely reassuring doctors – ha!!). My only advice is to listen to your body. One way or another, it’s telling you the truth. Hug, MC

  • Avatar Kat says:

    So many great comments on this! I will have to return to read them!

    I also wanted to add about the internet- it can become all-consuming where one can lose oneself in it. I used to visit career forums which got me so, so sad. The negativity on there was horrible, it always left a knot in my stomach. I saw that people are very cruel and narrow-minded on there, where they clearly displayed limiting beliefs and used them as fuel for fiery conversations about being right. Most of what they barked about is not even valid, yet, in their reality, it is all they know.

    So, I stopped reading them for a while and felt so much better! My vibration lifted. Last night I stumbled across one and read the comments on there and my heart just hurt from the spewing of venom.

    MC, yes, tapering off time spent on the internet is an excellent idea!

    • Hi Kat,

      I agree. I routinely block negative posts on my Facebook page, and only read the three little headlines on IGoogle, never the News section. There are wonderful, uplifting photos, commentaries, and videos on the Internet. Two of my go-to’s these days are and Puppy Rescue Mission on Facebook. You can check out my FB page for dog rescue, too, Amigos de Perros y Gatos Colima. Guaranteed all happy pet adoption and event photos.

      As I wrote in another post, not sure which, if we actively spread joy and light and peace, it ripples out. We are transforming the Internet every time we choose.

      Hugs, and thank you for bringing this up. It’s important!


    • Avatar tony says:

      alert, alert, alert!
      if you read something and felt bad, that feeling was an indication of your underground thoughts of powerlessness on that topic.
      Kat, you were attracted by substantially low energy and that couldn’t happen if your vibration on this matter wasn’t low enough. I smell both doubt about your chances of finding the right career and a bonus gift manifestation of what this venom triggers when you focus on it. Perhaps the post “vibrational ladder” under the “weight loss” tag could provide inspiration on how to shift that energy. What’s your resistance about this matter? Are you afraid spending time with such inconsiderate and insulting people?

      • Hi Tony and Kat,

        I agree that being drawn to actually read negative material is a little different from seeing it and immediately clicking it off.

        Kat, Tony’s probably right that you could meditate a bit on why you went back and read the ugly comments. I won’t speculate on reasons – they’re probably already clear to you.

        Tony, thanks for jumping in with suggestions. That’s what makes this blog so strong! Everybody here for everybody!

        Hugs to you both,


        • Avatar Kat says:

          Oh, Tony and MC, I was so surprised by it, actually, in this day and age, yet, in some circles it exists. I thought people with higher degrees and more education were more open, and in some cases they are, but in others they are not, at least the posters are not. Maybe everyone else stays away from those sites as well, it is more for negative posters of the same vibration. My question would go unanswered there but I found answers to questions in other forums which were much kinder and more informative, without the negative commentary.

          People still have limiting beliefs, but that is none of my business. The venom no longer bothers me as I found my flow again, it is just that negativity surrounds professions and still does. Hmmmm… I just do not want to end up working with such people or it may bother me that people like that exist, but I know I should go on with my life, as I have not, really, in the past 2 years. I did work with one such person once, but the universe had it so that my stay there was short-lived and he ended up leaving town a few months later. In all similar bad situations, I always made the best of it and then had the courage to leave on my own time with a party thrown for me, rather that in a body bag, as some describe their job situation.

          Does the question remain how not to attract such situations? A place of fear attracted some of them, as well as nagging from parents. Any insight on this would be great.

          • Avatar tony says:

            “I just do not want to end up working with such people”
            You know what you don’t want. With what kind of people do you want to work with? Can you think of places where people you like is the norm? If you find such a place (even after a strange coincidence) will you be cool or something will tell you that negativity may happen everywhere and you are not good enough if you can’t handle it?
            You cannot not attract situations. It’s like betfair. You are backing your favourite not-yet-fully-aware-belief (if this could happen, I better go) at 2.4 and they are laying your belief at 2.4 too. You play 10, if you win you feel trouble 24 and you have added 14 net points of resistance on your initial bank, if you lose they take your 10 and the transaction is done. If you slightly change your belief to “if this could happen, I might stay and see” the odds will not pay so well but that makes things more easy for you. If you change your believe to something like “do your worst, who cares” that will be a sure thing and they won’t lay your bet. You won’t be a match.

          • Avatar Kat says:

            Yes, Tony, I kow what I want and I am focusing on just that. It is funny, in the last job, from what I remember, you were expected to do your worst and not give 100%. That was not the norm. It was like bitch-fest and whoever added the most “won” for the day. There was a post on this, recently!

            I have experienced the gamut of situations and have paid my dues as well. I believe the next logical step is to manifest an awesome gig because I belong there, deserve it, and can spread more awesomeness, like I always had, before I was afraid of things. That is another story, yet part of this one. I know these jobs exist, not only because I am able to imagine them, but actually know people in those jobs.

            Thanks for your input. I deeply appreciate it!

          • Avatar tony says:

            “It was like bitch-fest”!!!!! hahaha!! Where can I find such a job? I would pay them to hire me

          • Avatar Kat says:

            Hahaha! Yes, Tony, they were not getting laid. I would tell them it would be good for them, but you see, when people have no life, things get low. Meanwhile, I was juggling several suitors.

          • Avatar Alice says:

            Tony is single??????, come on man, you’re either a rapist or in a fiery passionate marriage or relationship with a madwoman to match a madman, and you tango dance with her, and whisper…no Tony doesn’t whisper, Tony bellows passionate nothings into the air!

          • Avatar tony says:

            🙂 tony now wishes language didn’t exist
            I wish we were in a realm you could feel my mind and I could feel yours guys, with deep trust and no need for clarifications and allignments
            The search for this feeling is what motivates me to keep breathing and smiling

          • Avatar Alice says:

            That would be beautiful, if it weren’t for the fact you speak to so many women here on this blog.
            “I bet you say that to all the commenters” 🙂

            Pretty words though.

          • Hi Tony, I think we just said the same thing?? The comments are falling in all out of order… or at least not as I expected. Anyway, hugs, MC

          • Avatar tony says:

            You did the right thing MCM! We somehow responded to the same energy with a compatible set of resistance. Perhaps, it was due to Kat’s clear vibration (I say perhaps because I assume you have some resistance to certainty and overconfidence… I have too, but I love to act like a little child who wants to see an emotional response, perhaps this is a mirror to your vibration of being a teacher. Did I say I love to make assumptions and speculations?)

          • As long as you’re okay with whatever you provoke, Tony! Your presence here is certainly stimulating. Keep assuming and speculating, okay? I love the way you get us all thinking… and writing. MC

          • Avatar Alice says:

            Didn’t notice this before, that’s pretty cheeky!

            Who are you calling overconfident?

          • Hi Kat,

            A couple of thoughts and then I’ll read Tony’s comment. As long as you focus on what you like best about previous jobs, you’ll get more of that. It’s only when we focus our attention on what we don’t want, that we get into the loop of receiving more and more of the negative. So, I’d let go of worrying about the next job, make a list of everything you loved about your previous jobs, put dreams of your best possible situation on the wall behind your bed, and relax! You will get exactly what you expect, so why not expect the best?

            Second thought is this works the same for relationships – just saying…



          • Avatar Kat says:

            Thanks, MC!!!!!! I’ve already put the list together, this time with pictures if what I want, which are very colorful and paint the picture so well. The list is elsewhere, but the pictures say it all!

      • Avatar Nay says:

        Yes! whenever I feel bad, it’s all about my resistance. Know this, live this, be this! That is where I need to work in so many areas. And I’ve read all your posts above, but need more time to absorb them. The sense is there, the knowledge is there, I’m just blocking allowing it to be my reality.

        Alert, alert, alert!!! It’s all resistance! 😆

        Thank You TONY!!!

        • Avatar Kat says:

          Yoda told Luke during his Jedi training that clarity will come when he is at peace.

          Peace is when we are chilling and flowing and yes, in the NOW. It’s a great place to be and only with baby steps can we get anywhere no matter what anyone says because this is the way we can wear off the resistance and free ourselves to do what it is we want, grasshopper.

          • Baby steps is so true, Kat. I think it’s because we can’t see further than a little bit behind or in front. So we take a baby release, and only then can we see the next baby release. Thank you Yoda, thank you Lao Tzu, thank you Kat! MC

          • Avatar Nay says:

            Grasshopers rarely take little steps, and usually take huge leaps and, well, this grasshopper wants to take a few huge leaps! hahahaha! 🙂 But, since I do face reality every once in a while, I’ll just chill and flow, which will wear the resistance down faster, so it feels like huge steps because it’s happening so fast!
            Thanks Kat!

          • Avatar Kat says:

            Yes, Grasshopper. As I menitioned to Melody in the post on Power, I realized some of us take years to shift energy and do away with limiting beliefs to match our wanted situation.

            I brought up the example of the series How I Met Your Mother. In it, Ted, the future father, went through years of experiences to finally meet his wife. He thought most every woman would be the mother, but they were not. He had to find this out on his own. The show does note synchronous and serendipitous events and perhaps the possibility that he could have met her sooner, but he could not possibly, nor does it really matter (most episodes were really good) because he had to go through all those scenarios.

          • Avatar Nay says:

            Years of experiences! We are exactly, perfectly where we need to be at every moment. This is sometimes hard to take, and others times, so very awesome.

            So now, if I really start thinking about it, and start prepaving, those experiences can be good. And though resistance may be the bearer of some of these experiences, I can choose to focus on the good and ease the transition.

            Abe said something to the effect that, …if we could notice something we don’t like, and the instant that grid of dislike is formed, change the focus and reformat that grid at the very foundation/formation into what we DO want, we would be amazed at how fast our desires would flow to us.

            If I can just notice feeling bad, begin to look for what I would rather have and focus on feeling the good of that desire…then even though I have to go through the scenarios, I can make it easier on myself during the process.

          • Hi Nay,

            You’ve got it. Think of resistance as a really good, even awesome, experience. Notice it, and shift!

            I’m starting to think a little differently about resistance itself. Sometimes I think it does reveal something we want to let go of. That’s happened to me often enough.

            But I think sometimes it may be more like a friendly helper. For example, this dengue that I have right now. I don’t think it will go away when I figure out a root resistance, and for the life of me I can’t think of something to let go right now. I think the illness serves its purpose exactly by being here right now.

            I was trying to ride the flow of this enormous wave we’re on, and still continue with my daily life. Not happening! So, I get dengue, and sleep and rest and sleep and rest, and correspond with amazing and wonderful people like you!

            The dengue, which could be called a manifestation of resistance, is actually a manifestation of empowerment. Woohoo!

            Okay, there’s my two cents for today. It’s the second topic that’s come up this morning that might merit a whole post on its own. What do you think? A different way of looking at resistance?

            Hugs and joy – you bring a lot of both into my life!

            Mary Carol

          • Avatar Nay says:

            So you manifested the dengue because you needed to relax, but weren’t allowing yourself. Not resistance, just an answer to what you secretly wanted/needed! That could be a way to look at it, instead of only seeing it as resistance.

            You know, I’ve been thinking about illness and body pains, and have a different take on it too, which you talked about before! What if the dengue is your body in the process of getting rid of something, healing itself of something, or going through a transition at a level that we don’t understand?

            I know, reaching out into wonderland, 😉 but sometimes, I just get this feeling… It’s like if I can think this way, I can feel good even while in pain, because I see it as my body healing instead of being sick. All these ‘issues’ popping up in our bodies could be our bodies letting go of blocked energy. The process is rough, but the final product will be GOLDEN!

            LOL! I like it when I can have fun with something I would usually whine about!!! And yes, one day I would love to visit you and Colima. It looks like and sounds like a wonderful place. And I’m not afraid of dengue, cause I’ve got mad energy defenses! Hahahaha And I’m loving you right back!

          • Avatar KimS says:

            “A different way of looking at resistance?”


            wow!!!! I need to let this sink in a bit… this thought about a different way to view resistance feels really really good. (!!!!)(Oh God, Thank you for my Life! and thank you for this wonderful beginning of an insight, an understanding that will bring amazing joy!!)
            … and when I say “God”, I’m also saying “Mary Carol”. 🙂 🙂

          • Hee hee, KimS. I was born on Christmas Day… God, that sounds awful!

            Please Nay and Kims, keep sending your thoughts on this different perspective. I definitely want to write a post about it.

            Nay, thank you for putting into words what I’ve been thinking and trying to clarify! Resistance is so far from futile, it’s awesome!!



        • Avatar tony says:

          The essence is that we can’t avoid the lows after the highs. That’s reality. That’s the moment we feel tired (lacking energy) and we start to manifest things, like ugly ideas of powerlessness and doubt if something is possible or if we are good enough to make it possible.

          That lack of energy is our resistance to harness more energy which happens because of ugly thoughts we hold as true and lack of fitness-tension in the body.
          Once we understand that our thought process depends on us and we learn to allow the change of these thoughts to more empowering ones (without feeling incompetent if we don’t do this at once, lieutenant) we are free.

          There are still some questions someone has to answer for himself, why he hasn’t done that so far or why we did that at first place, the mind will wonder and run from here to there, but in the end you cannot BUT win.

          The whole idea of the secret was to make us comfortable with winning happiness, as happiness is a state we allow to be and it doesn’t come with hard-work (whatever hard work means and we don’t question it, not to appear foolish, as we do with many other notions and perceptions). But what could be manifested in the reality of a negative person, if not something which does not make sense and doesn’t work? See now how easily manipulated we can be when we don’t know what we are talking about? At the first low point we will lose everything if we lose our compass and we will have plenty of evidence around us (people opinion which will be the mirror of our doubt but we will not be consciously aware of that) that this voice (which is screaming inside) has to be ignored.

          We can now explain the feeling of ungratitude which makes many poeple want to never help anyone again in their lives. Those who mix deliberately with people who have problems and don’t know how to handle it are the best exemples of the belief “why bad things occur to good people”. That’s why I remind myself that lions do exist but they don’t have to exist in my reality (at least the really big,bad angry and hungry ones). Those who don’t know how to handle them yet (or they don’t desire that because they have a life to live), they should forget the safari and stare them at the zoo. But I would never rely on the lion’s kindness not to eat me if I have not taken the time to fix this situation in my head and have reasonable expectation that it will behave in that way. After all, if I am aware of the existence of lions, a part of me is a lion too. If in my head the lion is cruel , I somehow judge myself as cruel too.

          I still have the need to defend myself in advance for this long post, written with this know it all style, but I think it’s time to change this negative perspective a little and I feel it will help

          • Avatar tony says:

            that reply was meant for Nay, false alarm

          • Avatar Kat says:


            I don’t know exactly where this comment will post on the list, but I thank you for all your input and do agree with what you write. It takes some practice, but once there it comes easily and adjusts when we fall back for one reason or another. The point is not to feel bad when we fall back and to attune ourselves again.

            And I, too, wish to communicate telepathically. My sister and I used to pretend we would talk to each other without the use of words. I heard that this is possible (Masters do it all the time) and will become commonplace one day. I realize words lose their meaning at some point, but with feelings you can’t go wrong. One of my favorite shows depicts this evolution of a master where in the ends she can feel whatever the person is feeling and see what they have been through.

            Abe always says that, as humans, what we have going for us is our focus, so it all depends on what we focus on. The good? The bad? The ugly? It is our choice and this can be changed if we don’t like it.

          • Tony, this is beautiful and profound, maybe the most coherent of the many thoughtful comments you’ve shared with us. I want to say, yes, yes, YES! I want EVERYBODY to read this.

            Yes, we dip up and down because we’re still human, and that’s what humans do. No beating ourselves up, please!

            Yes, we get in trouble if we try to ‘help’ someone. Until someone is in roughly the same vibration we are, nothing we say or do will even register! Just shine and be and let those who want to, come closer.

            Yes, the lions can exist and still not enter our reality.

            Thank you so much, Tony. I’m sure a lot of people will read your comment and have a little aha moment. Hugs,

            Mary Carol

          • Avatar Nay says:

            Wanting instant change, instant manifestation, and being upset when I feel bad even though I know I shouldn’t, but can’t change my thoughts immediately… Are you lurking in my brain Tony?! Because that is what I do more than I like to admit! 🙂

            This right here…’But what could be manifested in the reality of a negative person, if not something which does not make sense and doesn’t work?’…was me for so long! Nothing about the way life worked made sense! Now, now it makes much more sense. Still so much to learn and change, but to know that life does make sense is a huge step, in my mind. But it doesn’t stop me from falling into the old patterns, especially when I ‘…lose everything if we don’t keep our compass!’ 😯

            The lion metaphor is nice because it is very true. I know I am strong, I know I am capable, I know that I can handle just about anything, and yes, be damn cruel at times while doing all of this. But I always feel less when it does come out, and yet admire those who do it easily when I feel the cruelty is towards someone who I think deserves it. And then of course I feel guilty for thinking that way too! But because I don’t like it, yet in some way admire it, I probably draw people and situations to myself that emulate this fascination, either through cruelty at me or at someone else.

            No appologies for your input. You must know that I of the excessive writing habits, have no issue with your long posts, and get so much from them! Your style is blunt, knowing, and makes me twist around in my thinking, which is always useful, because I want to change some of my thinking. Keep them coming Tony, and always thank you!!!

          • Nothing to add, Nay, except that your Soul is really happy with you exactly as you are in this moment. The learning process IS the fun of it all. There’s no enlightened goal, just the enlightening process! The more you enjoy, and the less you find fault with yourself, the happier you and your Soul will be on the journey. Big hugs, MC

          • Avatar Nay says:

            I am just starting to look at the ‘journey not the destination’ with a sense of like. I have to retrain myself to just sit back and enjoy the process, the journey. And no, it isn’t easy because I always, always feel like I need to be somewhere, get something done, or reach a certain level before I can really relax and enjoy myself.

            And I laughed because the ‘enlightened goal’ just jumped right out at me! I really do think this way! I have to BE in a certain place in order to find satisfaction. And the reality of that not being much fun is finally starting to sink in.

            But it’s a trip to try to think, ‘Oh look, another stitch in time…wasn’t that GREAT!’ when what I’m used to thinking is, ‘I’m almost done, I’m almost done, just a little bit more and everything will be perfect.’ But when I stop and think about it, what I am really doing to myself is ‘Only seven million, three hundred and twenty eight thousand, five hundred and thirty two more stitches and I’ll be done…with that one thing…until the next thing…and the next…and the next…ummmm 🙂 :)’

            When I look at it that way, I suddenly see the frustration I built in myself. It’s really just another aspect of the need to know it all before I can feel good! But I’m workin’ on it!!!


          • Hi Nay,

            You sound like me when I was working 60 hour weeks, raising kids, and always doing more, more, more. I bet you accomplish A LOT!

            But seriously, it’s way better to be where you are, realizing that it’s time to enjoy the journey, rather than where I ended up, which was very, very sick.

            Tell you what, come visit me in Mexico, and we’ll arrange for you to get a mild little case of dengue, and you can practice doing NOTHING for a couple of weeks. Hee hee.

            Relax, relax, relax, sweetie! You’re awesome!

            Mary Carol

          • Avatar Nay says:

            MC, you sweety you…always wanting to share!!! 😉 But I think I’ll work on coming to visit when we’re both feeling amazingly healthy, and then plan on doing nothing, except having fun on the journey. Loves!

          • I was kidding about the dengue! But not about the invitation. I love having visitors and showing off my beautiful city!

          • Avatar tony says:

            hehe! WANTING instant change!
            you just got arrested! What does “want” mean my dear?
            I don’t have it and I assume it’s on its way to come to me (even when I don’t have the complete design in my mind and I don’t know exactly what I’m talking about-with the essential details someone who has accomplished it has in mind) but perhaps I have those thoughts because I want to believe, otherwise I would be there making it happen and secretely enjoying every second! (the “secretely goes for those who don’t want to appear too happy and excited..we have a status in society!)
            I suspect you don’t desire to jut sit back and relax. Somehow, I assume that you want to actively engage and turn things upside down to produce the desired outcome.. Frustration comes naturally when we lack the skill (hitting randomly and hoping) or we are tired.

          • Gotta maintain your status as an SBTSH (seriously bad tempered spiritual hooligan), Tony! Hee hee, MC

          • Avatar tony says:

            it’s too tiring keeping my status. It consumes a lot of energy.
            I think that we get in that lethargic-depressive and pessimistic mood because we just don’t want to manifest resistance that we are comfortable to handle in things we know (and then grow at a slow pace without messing with the wrong people). The more sensitive and clever people (not necessarily nice people) fall into this trap. They get overwhelmed by their ability to create problems.

            I remember the moment I realized I just wanted to prove them all wrong and succeed against all odds. I detected the bullshit, I was then fully allowing myself to immediately understand in whose plan I’m playing (I had no resistance to life) I was ready to strike and leave but I wasn’t comfortable laughing at their face. So, I kept engaging in situations I knew in advance I wouldn’t win, until despair knocked my door. That’s why I call myself a spiritual hooligan.

          • I know what you mean, Tony. Maintaining ANY status is more work than it’s worth. That’s why I’ve stopped trying to be anybody but my nerdy, intense, Pollyanna self. Walking around with no skin these days. Whew!

            Who are you without the status? Hugs to the zero-bullshit Tony!


          • Avatar tony says:

            Isn’t it funny that even our best attempts to help people who are trully in pain will be in vain, because if they don’t want to manifest it in their lives then they won’t (or read it and interpret it their own way)?

            Brain activation is so simple and yet so unwanted because of so many hypothesis and crap beliefs. So we get these a-ha moments, like turning the key in a car with the battery almost dead but the engine never starts working.

            What’s better than an a-ha moment. Another a-ha moment next to it. It seems we don’t want to manifest even something we have experienced and remembered. If only we made the process of experiencing a-ha moments so automatic like making a coffe. That’s a noble goal.

          • I think it’s called being human, Tony. I also think its impossible to ‘help’ anyone. As you say, everyone goes at their own pace. We can shine and give, but we’re only deluding ourselves if we think we can actively ‘help’ as in change someone.

            Arggg – words are so slippery… hugs are easier – hug!


          • Avatar Nay says:

            Please officer Spiritual Hooligan, I didn’t mean to want!!!! Are the handcuffs really…necessary? Well, if you insist. 😆

            Tony, when you put this out there like that, it is so clear that the wanting shows me the door, but it isn’t the key. The key is the feeling that I already have it. But it’s so ingrained to say I want to, or I want this, or what I wanted was…but not in an expectant way.

            And yes, just sitting back and relaxing, and letting things happen while I feel great just isn’t natural, YET!!! I want to be involved, but the most important thing for me, and what seems to elude me most often is, getting involved and being happy about it. I am realizing that I am someone that feels like I must struggle and suffer to some degree to get what I want. That it just can’t be that easy. (I know, bad, bad, bad!)

            But as I’ve realized this, I am working at figuring out what I need to think in order to let go of that need to be involved, struggling with hands all over the subject to shape and twist reality into what I want. Instead of letting the idea bloom into fun and excitement, my mind almost instantly goes into, what do I need to do to get that? Still such a habit!!!

            As you said to MC, the aha moments are there, but we forget them or have to re-experience them often before they finally sink in and become the norm.


          • Avatar tony says:

            “I am working at figuring out what I need to think in order to let go of that need to be involved”

            you don’t need to think anything. you just forget and start doing something else.

            “what do I need to do to get that?”
            To put it in other words “what qualities should I have to be good enough to have it.
            That’s funny. Boys usually think that way. They say, what do I need to do to get that girl? I must have a car first, or money.

            And the old and wise guru says: No boy, if you are alligned to have the right girl, when you see her, just go and talk to her

        • Avatar tony says:

          you’re welcome! please check two posts below

  • Avatar Kat says:

    Thank you so mcuh, MC! I am not on FB so I am not able I see a page for too long without actually logging in, but for the few seconds I was able to see your page, it’s adorable!

    • Hi Kat,

      Thanks for checking it out. The Amigos page is public (not private) so I think you can access it just by pressing LIKE, even if you’re not on FB. Not sure about that though…

      Have a fabulous day,


  • Avatar Kat says:

    OK, guys today’s quite from swami covers many topics touched upon in this post so I figured I’d post it here:

    “Include success for others in your dreams for your own success. Better a stream that irrigates a green valley than a desert oasis, surrounded by vast stretches of sand.”

    I will taper off writing so much in the near future, it’s just that I get so excited and I am doing the right thing by sharing these concepts, according to swami kriyananda, for that is how anything evolves and we are not islands, but part of a whole and suffer when we keep this info from the rest, thus drying up like a prune. Our intuition always knows best, so that us what we should follow in all situations.

    • Avatar Nay says:

      ‘I will taper off writing so much…’ Keep telling yourself that Kat!!! 😆 I say that too, but I get so excited I can’t seem to stop myself!
      And I love your writing!!! (and these quotes!)

      • Don’t you dare taper off, guys! These conversations are helping tons of people who aren’t writing in but are reading avidly. Melody figures it’s about 100 to 1, readers to writers.

        Thanks for sharing the quote, Kat. There’s a Taoist thought that fits here too. Imagine you’re a trickle of water flowing down a mountain. You run into a boulder and what do you do? You can’t move the boulder, so you flow around it. Do we have to ‘fix’ every problem in the world? No. Just keep going. And the lovely reality is that when enough tiny streams flow past the given boulder, it will eventually move.

        So, fellow trickles, keep flowing! The boulders are starting to shift…

        More hugs,


        • Avatar Alice says:

          This is where I get the notion I have fans. 😉 Like a soap opera, there will be those that skip my commenst or can’t wait for them, and yell at the computer screen.

          “She’s so weird, so messed up! What will she say next!”


          “How heartfelt and profound, I wish we could be friends…”


          “I’d really like to date someone like that/ put a restraining order on someone like that.”

          You don’t know what they are thinking, even Hooligan, blunt Tony is sure to have fans.

          Hee-hee, arrogance is fun!

        • Avatar Kat says:

          Thanks for the stats, MC. Wow. Some conversations are just plain crazy and I laugh aloud myself. If we were in a cafe, we would probably be the noisiest table. I am glad people get something out of them.

          • Ha ha! I love the image of us all sitting around a table in a cafe, having a wild happy noisy conversation. Group hug! MC

          • Avatar Nay says:

            Kat and MC,
            I was thinking this myself! All of us commentors sitting together somewhere laughing and talking and discussing. Like you said, it would be a loud, roudy, crazy fun fest!

        • Avatar Kat says:

          MC, that was beautiful! Yes, it was trickles of water that created the grand canyon.

          “flow around it”- this goes for problems. Just keep living your life, Abe says. 🙂

  • Avatar Kat says:

    To guys are great! Speedy recovery MC!!

  • Avatar Kat says:

    Swami’s quote for today still pertains to topics on this post:

    “Attachment is like an unripe fruit, which clings to the tree even when buffeted by winds. Be like the ripe fruit, which falls without effort at the first touch of a breeze.”

    As MC mentioned above, it’s all okay! Nothing really matters and the worst thing to do is beat ourselves up over something. In his brief talk, swami said to not get so hung up over things. If we don’t like something, change it. Why do we even hesitate? Though suffering also has a certain purpose and “essence” a. and even beauty to it as do thunder and lightening. But the point is, we don’t have to do that because we have a choice to not suffer. We don’t have to follow along with those with whom we disagree. In the end, we leave with nothing. We don’t take any of this with us. It’s the experience that remains. That’s all.

    Great way to start the day. Cheers!

    • Thanks Kat. Swami’s quote is spot on for this discussion!

      It helps me keep everything in perspective to realize that ALL experience, good, bad, indifferent, ugly, beautiful, intense and serene, is exactly what my Soul wants. My Soul is here in a body (my body!) for exactly this – to experience everything. So when something goes ‘wrong,’ I imagine my Soul scratching it’s chin and thinking, ‘Hmmm… interesting!’ And whatever’s wrong doesn’t seem so wrong.

      Cheers and a tip of the coffee cup to you, Kat, and to all our cafe friends!

      Mary Carol

  • Counting down to 12/12/12 12:12! Fifty minutes to go! This feels bigger than New Years!

    Where are you? Or where were you when the moment passed in your time zone??

    Random thought: Isn’t it funny how we mark our lives with numbers?

    Super energy hugs,

    Mary Carol

    • Did a meditation, and received lots of reassurances from guides that I’m doing fine. I hadn’t realized that I was still pretty insecure about all these changes! I also received a message that the point of focusing on one moment in time, like 12/12/12 12:12, is that we learn to focus this intensely on EACH moment in time, for every moment is exactly as important as this one.

      I’ll hit the send button in the moment of 12:12, just because…

      Huge hugs to all in every moment,

      Mary Carol

  • Avatar Kat says:

    That is great, MC!!!!!! What does this moment symbolize exactly?

    And, yes, our life is numerical, but does the universe work in numbers, or is that man-made? I think the universe works with forces.

    I was actually polishing a mirror at that moment. I hope my future is shiny! hahaha!

    • Hi Kat,

      Polishing a mirror is the perfect thing to be doing in this moment! What an elegant metaphor you enacted!

      I didn’t really expect anything to happen, but at the moment I pushed the submit button at 12:12, I felt a surge of incredible energy, like a huge hug from everyone in the world, all at once. I’m still trembling forty minutes later. It was AWESOME!

      Giant hug,


      • Sorry, Kat. I was so excited about the moment that I forgot your question.

        I think numbers are the Universe’s language. As a long time nerd and math teacher, I LOVE the mathematicity of everything. It’s not the numbers themselves, but the beautiful symmetry they express.

        • Avatar Kat says:

          Thank you, MC. I knew that would have been your answer! “beautiful symmetry they express”. How lovely!

          Which brings us back to the topic of looking at things from the grand scheme of things in its perfection, yet continually expanding, instead of being caught up on certain things we tend to call “tragedies” and harping on them, causing further unecessary pain and suffering for us.

        • Avatar tony says:

          they are the universe’s language or an arbitrary human creation 🙂
          a totally cool creation, whose power cannot be easily questioned by authority, but still a creation.

          “A set is a gathering together into a whole of definite, distinct objects of our perception [Anschauung] and of our thought – which are called elements of the set.”
          Georg Cantor
          Beiträge zur Begründung der transfiniten Mengenlehre

          Not to mention that in Euclid’s time there was no clear distinction between physical space and geometrical space (at least that is what I read in today’s books, but even what I read is manifested and selected according to my intention which is not so clear, so it doesn’t count) but Euler, Lobachevski and others thought otherwise.

          I don’t want to argue but I think that if we are unable to base the foundations of mathematics on truths which are independent from our perception (but we like the implication of the existence of an “infinity of infinities”) then (because our perception is our vibration) we are just describing an illusion which is experienced by us and those of the same vibration. We are simply not aware of that consciously. It’s sad, but mathematicians believe that math is everywhere the same but that’s also an illusion because they believe and expect that this is true. Those who started questioning, they realised that the the 5th (i don’t know the exact term in english)of Euclides cannot be proven and they conceived other geometries.

          Just imagine someone who starts believing that 1+1=4 , like tithing or a bonus pizza.
          we just agree that the rules on the left side of the equation are the same with the rules on the right side, but what if number 1 meant something double in volume which when added with something of equal volume would give a total of 4 small ones? But then, we wouldn’t have a common structure for every human being

          • Hey Tony,

            Are you a mathematician too? My favorite course in university was non-Euclidean geometry – how did you guess?

            Of course numbers are a human construct, like language and music, yet another way we attempt to perceive and understand our world. But they reflect an underlying truth which has to do with harmony and symmetry.

            Imagine how the Mayan’s ‘invented’/recognized the existence of zero thousands of years before anybody else stumbled into its importance. Wow.

            I don’t pretend to understand mathematics, any more than I pretend to ‘understand’ one of Beethoven’s symphonies, but I still marvel at the amazingness of it all.

            Sorry, you got me on a rant… Whew! Back to all those 12’s. Woohoo!


          • Avatar tony says:

            No, I am just an amateur, my studies had nothing to do with maths.
            I didn’t guess, I just felt I had to mention the existence of other geometries to show that our perception of reality is only one option among many others that could exist. I don’t know why reality is perceived that way. Perhaps it’s a consensus but I don’t know and I desire to manifest more clarity on this matter.

            I agree with you. They do seem to reflect an underlying truth. Something I do not yet understand but I have strong feelings about.

          • Hi Tony,

            Apologies to everyone as we veer off into a little math… Euclidean geometry is based on the premise that parallel lines never meet, which is pretty intuitive when you look around at the real world, even back before math. Follow two parallel paths a long way, and you find that despite appearances (at the horizon), they never really cross. Non-Euclidean geometry flips that, by saying that parallel lines do cross at infinity, which changes everything. And as we now know from Einstein et all, that’s actually the true model of our curved Universe.

            There are some wonderful books about all this stuff. I’m currently fascinated by complexity theory, the next step past chaos theory. The book Complexity by Waldrop is a good overview, thorough but still readable.

            Hope this helps, you did ask! And it’s a favorite topic of mine…


          • Avatar Kat says:

            At what stage are we now, MC? Complexity? Have we passed the chaos? Just wondering.

            I had read Hyperspace and only a couple of concepts resonated with me. If we “figure it all out” in this dimension, it won’t be necessary anymore and we will move into another dimension, which will become the norm. In it, there is probably no math, no school , no jobs, just maybe reading each other’s minds? I think I belong there already, but I have resistance to clear here first! Hahaha!

          • Avatar Kat says:

            Supposedly, that is the dimension the gurus go when they are able to resurrect and are therefore done here. This from Autobiography of a Yogi.

          • Avatar Kat says:

            I get so heady and short of breath discussing this stuff. Does anyone feel the same? Are we suppose to?

          • Hi Kat,

            I’ll respond to all your comments at once, so this may show up a little out of order.

            Chaos and Complexity are theories, not stages. Complexity is a way of explaining the Universe from the bottom up. I love it. Basically, anything that grows organically, from the bottom up, will persist, and anything that is imposed from the top down will shatter or fade away.

            The central idea of chaos theory is still 100% valid. It’s just that scientists have moved on to complexity theory as more complete (chaos is one aspect of complexity). Chaos theory actually sheds light on what’s happening right now, in these changing times.

            The idea is that there’s order and there’s chaos, and there’s a thin line separating them, which is where all kinds of interesting stuff happens. Think of the ocean (liquid) and the land (solid), and then how fascinating and complex the shoreline is. So here we are, balanced on the thin line between order and chaos, conscious that we’re here on the edge.

            Wow! It’s beautiful! Maybe I should write a whole post about this. Do you think anyone but us nerds would enjoy it? what the heck, maybe I should just write it all up as one for the nerds…

            Hugs! You’ve gotten my day off to an awesome start with your questions!

            Mary Carol

            PS On the breathless stuff, what happens to me is that I feel like I’m on an elevator or airplane, and my ear pop. If you can, just relax and enjoy the signal manifestation from the Universe! Woohoo!

          • Avatar Kat says:

            My ears pop, too! Or they click.

            Yes, that would be a great post. Please do plan to write it. Add something on dimensions as well. Eastern thought has known about it, people have channeled stuff from other dimensions and our science is finally making note of this possibility. We would not be able to live there in our human form, but these dimensions are there even as we speak. Cheers!

          • Will do, Kat. Thanks to you and Tony for asking the question. MC

          • Avatar Nay says:


            I used to totally disregard different dimensions, but as time went on, they make so much sense! Mostly because how could there possibly be only be this one dimension that we experience? That simple in my mind. And as for where the gurus go, what if they all go to different dimensions, because they each are their own person, so wil have differing ideas that reach/apply to different dimensions?

            Love this discussion between you guys! And I don’t get light headed, but when I really get into it, I get ecstatic and goofy! 😆

          • Avatar Kat says:

            I know, Nay, isn’t it the coolest? I’ve always felt that there is more to this. Even as a kid in parochial school, I took Jesus’ words literally. He was speaking of other worlds, it wasn’t just metaphorical. How do we get there? By releasing our resistance.

            Yes, I think gurus go where they choose, and also where they are needed. I hope this topic becomes commonplace one day. It is so fascinating and wonderful, so far from the stuff we experience.

            I also read reading one hour of self-development a day will do wonders and keep you from the slump of the matrix, as we call it.

          • Avatar Kat says:

            The latest words is swami: Think vastness! “Think eternity! Don’t limit yourself to your little body and its fleeting needs. Your very thoughts are but waves on the ocean of Infinite Consciousness”.

            To me, this is so comforting.

          • Kat, how funny. Read my comment at the very end of all the comments. I wrote it before I read your comment here! Are we on a wavelength or what? Hee hee.

  • Avatar Pat says:

    Mary Carol – I like your personal account on how you’re working through this. What you told Alice resonated with me:

    “One big idea I’ve thrown out is that I should be ‘doing’ something all the time. Each day, I work at ‘being’ myself, and letting whatever happens, just happen.”

    I’ve been spinning my wheels with this feeling I should be ‘doing’ and then I do even less beating myself up over it. But I have been letting go and just be me and let it flow.

    Thank you for the confirmation I’m on the right track.

    • Hi Pat,

      Glad you’ve joined us. What a discussion!The tone of your comment is so upbeat – I love it! I still feel the impulse to ‘do,’ and every time I try to pause and think, can I ‘not do’?

      Keep flowing!

      Mary Carol

  • Avatar anny says:

    Hello Mary Carol,

    I just read your post and some of the comments.There are just too many to read them all in one go!

    I do so resonate with all that I have read. It is a very special time right now and I am releasing like crazy with all the physical and emotional symptoms that entails. I am just learning to allow them and embrace them but it is very difficult to let down your guard and all your defence mechanisms. I am finally learning to feel the pain when everything passes through me and when you allow it it is not so bad. Right now I kind of feel like I am lying wide open as during a surgical procedure and as such very vulnerable but also safe.

    I have learned to let regrets go about what I have done or not done in the past, for when I looked at it I also found that not doing certain things created room for other things which have been very helpful for my spiritual awakening. The same thing with the things I have done. It reminds me of the ying/yang symbol of black and white where each half contains a small seed of the other half. So everything bad that happens to you provides you with a chance of growth and balance, whether right at that time or later when you look back on it. It has taught me a lot and now I am totally at peace with my past, though still releasing stored up feelings.

    How are you doing now? I have heard dengue can be quite serious. Actually I heard of it for the first time at the office of the health service when I went there for my shots, just befort my first trip to the tropics some ten years ago. They give information about the do’s and don’ts in the tropics as well by making you look at a movie which would almost make you decide not to go to the tropics after all. Such horrendous stuff, like you are entering a mine field. I hope you are doing well by now, or as well as possible under these very special circumstances.



    • Hi Anny,

      I have a very mild case of dengue, mainly just really tired, which is perfect for these times of great change. Thanks for your concern.

      I like your analogy of a surgery – lie back and let the Universal Surgeon clean out the junk! I’m still finding more to release. My guess is it never ends, though this stuff is feeling pretty bottom of the barrel.

      Have fun reading more of the comments when you can. This is the coffee table conversation that won’t die! Yeah! Warm hugs,

      Mary Carol

  • Avatar Kat says:

    Hey MC,

    I just had another thought. The universe is always embracing us, no matter what. If we embrace it back, by having faith and believing in it, then miracles happen. If we cut ourselves off from it, thereby rejecting its embrace, we feel bad, suffer and spend far too much energy making things happen that do end up happening, but with much more work and effort and time. I think this sounds right. So, we should just embrace the universe and enjoy!

    This was an awesome post, MC, thank you and I do hope you are on your way to feeling better from the dengue.

    • Hi Kat,

      I agree completely. For myself, I think of my little piece of the Universe, ie my Soul. It’s like the ocean, and the water I can feel is that touching me, my very own Soul, which is still part of the giant whole. My Soul is always here, I am always my Soul, but sometimes it’s easier to feel the connection, and that’s when I’m filled with joy. Other times – it’s hard to explain – it’s like I let the connection lapse a bit. It’s still there when I feel awful, but I’ve walked away from it.

      I’m so happy that you and I are part of the same Universe! How awesome is it that we were born at just the right time to connect here?? Wow!


      Mary Carol

  • Avatar Arina says:

    Mary Carol,
    what a wonderful post this is! And I just love how excited you are for the future, it’s so inspiring!! I’m really excited, too.
    When you wrote about the second dream you had, i felt like the meaning of the dream was that you have grown an infinite amount, especially in the year of 2012, and a lot of things from your past won’t fit you anymore, because you are so much further ahead and so much bigger. So now it’s time for you to learn how to adjust your “jacket” to fit you and your Soul is going to guide you through it, effortlessly.
    I wrote about my own personal transition in comments of “Dear LOA: What the Hell is Going on Lately?”, and quite frankly it was a bloody mess. I really never thought I could handle that much pain. I’ll be happy to write more about it! It was a horror show. But despite all of the pain She was with me the whole time, even though I rarely felt her presence. Recently I had lunch at a Chinese restaurant, and i found something very interesting in my fortune cookie ( I know right, the wisdom of the fortune cookie came upon me) the paper said: ” You shall soon achieve perfection”. I knew that there really is no such thing as “perfection”, because we can never get it done and we will never stop expanding. Perfection in the way humanity interprets it is a mere illusion. But in terms of state of my being perfection is being inspired every day, being connected, seeing the beauty everywhere I look, a state where every day I wake up knowing that wonders await me. A state where contrast is my friend. Where I always feel good, where everything gets better every second, where I know all I need to know about my human experience to live a profound life of my dreams and beyond and achieve the most love and happiness I ever possibly could in one lifetime in this body. Perfection is simplicity, perfection is nature, perfection is confidence, perfection is constant and steady growth. Perfection is light, its balance, its leading edge, its creativity, its speed, its warmth, its excitement of mystery, it’s wonderful joy of discovery and expansion, it’s bliss of moving forward to unknown miracles of the stream.
    I know now that everything is possible. And I know that I still can’t even imagine all of the crazy awesomness that is coming. This is PERFECT.

    • Wow, Arina!

      What a beautiful interpretation of perfection. Thank you for sharing your vision! How wonderful that you are filled with positive energy these days. It feels like we’re surfing, and it took awhile to catch just the right wave, but now we’re riding the crest. Woohoo!

      Huge hugs, and welcome to the conversation!

      Mary Carol

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