It’s time for another reader question (and y’all know that I love me some Q&A)! Today’s awesome question comes to us from Lindsay of TheDailyAwe:
My question is about non-attachment when we want to manifest something into our lives. I’m trying to conceive (this is month #1 of trying) and I’m having a hard time with the whole non-attachment thing. How can I NOT feel attached to the result when this is something I want so badly? It’s easy for me to feel non-attached to wanting a new car or wardrobe, for example. But this? Not so much.
What do you recommend for people who are trying to manifest a baby/child into their lives? I understand the whole “divine timing” thing and I also understand that it’s important to let things happen as they are supposed to. But man…it’s HARD to do when it’s something you’ve been waiting to do for years and now that the timing is right (at least emotionally & financially & maturity-speaking)…what do you do to let go of the results in this case?
This is such an excellent question, and one that I’m sure several of my readers can relate to. But even if you can’t, as with all my posts, it merely uses one subject to explain the principles of LOA, and you’ll be able to apply those principles to a myriad of other situations. In other words, listen up boys. 😉 Here’s my answer:
Playing it cool
As I explained in a previous post, when you desperately want something, you’re not going to get it. This isn’t because the Universe is being a little bitch. It’s because when you’re desperate and needy, you are actually focusing vehemently on the fact that you DON’T yet have what you want, and this is what you then keep creating – the absence of what you want. You can’t NEED something and line up with its energy. The cure for this situation is to play it cool – take on an attitude of, “You know, whatever man. It comes, it doesn’t come, it’s all good.” In other words, you have to detach, to get into a place where you’re ok if you don’t get what you want, where you feel good no matter what. This lifts the blockage created by focusing on what you DON’T want and allows the energy of what you DO want to flow freely.
But how do you detach from something you want so much? How do you play it cool (and take note, you can’t fake it. The Universe is like Santa Claus. It freaking knows…) when what you want is to create another life, to bring another little human being into this world and pass on all your hard earned knowledge, hopefully doing as little irreparable damage as possible along the way?
Pregnant women don’t have a baby yet, either
The trick is to stop focusing on what you don’t want (absence of baby) by focusing on what you do want (baby), and to do so almost completely. So, when you think of the baby you want, you can’t trigger the fact that you don’t yet have one at the same time. You have to get to the point where you feel as though you would if you were already pregnant. But how?
When you’re pregnant, you don’t yet have the baby, either. You’re not holding it in your arms, dressing it, bathing it, playing with it, feeding it, accidentally letting it roll off the couch, etc. And yet, you KNOW it’s coming. You don’t have it, but all of your thoughts are of it coming and very few are of it not yet being here. There’s no anxiousness about it not being here. You may have some anxiety about what kind of parent you’ll be, and perhaps a couple of thoughts here and there about how you hope that the baby will be alright, but the GRAND MAJORITY of your thoughts are happily expectant ones. That baby is on its way. You know it’s baking and it has to take as long as it takes to finish. It might come right on time, it might be a bit early and it might be a bit late. But you don’t really care as long as it’s healthy.
Think about that: you don’t care how long it takes for that baby to be finished. You just want it to be healthy. When you’re in the process of conceiving (or creating anything else), however, you tend to stress out about how long it’s taking. OMG, it’s been six weeks and you haven’t conceived yet! OMG, it’s been a year and you’re not pregnant! What are you doing wrong?! You’re probably never going to get pregnant. If it hasn’t happened by now, it’ll probably never happen! You don’t see women in the sixth month of pregnancy declaring “I’m never gonna have this baby! If it hasn’t come out by now, I guess it’s not coming out!”
Just as you wouldn’t want that baby to be born before it’s done, no matter how long that takes, you don’t want to become pregnant before all the Universal components have been lined up. Think about it. Instead of a beautiful, intuitive little angel, you might end up with Quasimodo the serial killing elephant boy. (This is a joke. You cannot screw up the perfection of your future child by stressing out about the timeline. I was making a point. But really now, stop stressing out or your kid will be born a Justin Bieber fan.)
Stop trying to control everything
This baby will be born when the energy for IT and YOU will be perfect and that’s not something you can really determine. You may have the money and the maturity, but all the energy for you and for the baby has to be perfect. So, even though you’re ready, have you considered that maybe the baby isn’t? Perhaps that little soul is still arranging all the circumstances that it needs in order to be born into the perfect environment. Perhaps it’s still waiting for one more global vibrational shift, or for his future best friend to be conceived, or for a few more people to wake up and realize who they really are, or for Tom Cruise to convert to sanity and finally let Katie Holmes out of the basement. There are an infinite number of variables that have to come together in order to create the perfect environment for a new little human, and guess what future mama? You can’t control any of them. Except one, of course: and that’s you. You are but ONE of the components that have to come together and all you can really do is to make sure that this one component – YOU – are aligned with the energy. So, how do you do that?
First of all, stop freaking stressing out about not being pregnant, not being pregnant yet, what you could possibly be doing wrong, what your husband could possibly be doing wrong, what your cat could possibly be doing wrong, or why God hates you so much and doesn’t want you to be a mommy. All of that only accomplishes one thing: It stops you from lining up with the energy of your baby. You basically want to be a loving and happy, receptive vessel that your beautiful new baby can come into (and painfully explode out of, but you probably don’t want to think about that right now. Sorry I brought it up, really), and the only way to do that is to STOP doing the crap that’s keeping you from becoming that vessel and START doing something that will get you there.
You’ll want to take on the attitude you will quite naturally have when you’re pregnant. Here’s what you do: Consider yourself pre-pregnant. You are in a state of becoming pregnant. Just as you will spend the GRAND MAJORITY of your time happily expecting the baby once you’re knocked up, you can now spend the GRAND MAJORITY of your time happily expecting being pregnant. You can’t know exactly when it will happen (just as you can’t know exactly when your baby will be born), but you CAN move into the KNOWING that it’s coming to you, and that it will be conceived when the time is perfect, just as it’ll be born when it’s done baking.
Spend as much time as you can:
- Thinking about how big your belly will get (in a “I will be a radiant pregnant woman”, and not in a “I will look like a heifer” kind of way)
- Reading about pregnancy (happy books, not the ones that talk about all the crap that can go wrong!),
- Looking at maternity clothes (maybe even trying some on? You can use a pillow to fill out the tummy area. Some shops will even have a prosthetic belly for you to try out.)
- Meditating (it will stop the scary voices in your head. You know the ones that keep screaming at you that your eggs are drying up and that you’re failing as a woman.)
- Having some conversations with your future baby, letting it know that you’re ready for it, whenever it chooses to come on down. (DO NOT plead with your baby to get in there already. This would be you, trying to control the timing again. Remember, neediness = barren uterus. Playing it cool = bun in the oven.)
If you spend the majority of your time focusing on thoughts that feel really good, then the few worries you might have here and there won’t have any power. If you’ve been really stressed about conceiving, however, then give yourself a bit of time to make this switch. It might be difficult at first. You’ve gained quite a bit of momentum with the worried stream of thought. It will take a bit of time and effort to get some momentum going on a different way of thinking – one that feels good.
Oh, and when you do get pregnant, Melody’s a really nice name. Just saying…
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