A lot of my blog posts center around techniques and methods for how to get what you want in life. After all, that’s what the Law of Attraction is all about, right? Getting what you want. But what if you haven’t got a clue what you really want? What if the only thing you’re really sure of is that where you are right now, definitely isn’t it? You keep searching the internet for inspiration. You look through job sites, hoping that if you just find the right profession, the heavens will open up, angels will start to sing and a big, booming game show announcer voice will tell you that you’ve finally won the jackpot. Score! Only, every job you look at sounds just as boring as the one you have.
You’ve made lists of your qualifications and interests. Nothing is gelling for you. You’ve asked your parents, mentors, co-workers and even kids for ideas. And while being Superman does sound pretty fun, you’re not really any closer to figuring out what you truly want. You just know, this ain’t it. In the post You Already Know What Your Purpose Is, I described that we all pretty much know what our purpose is, we just often dismiss it because we can’t figure out the details of how we’ll implement it or how we can make money with it. So, deep down, you know what you want. You’ve always known.
But what if that knowledge is so deep down, that you have no friggin’ clue as to how to dig it up? What if nothing seems to resonate with you? How do you figure it out? There are tons of other blog posts and books out there that will tell you to make lists, to evaluate your preferences and talents, to research different possibilities and give you all kinds of practical advice on how to get some clarity. There’s nothing wrong with that information, but you don’t need me to regurgitate it here. First of all, if that stuff had worked for you, you wouldn’t be searching anymore and second of all, I prefer to resolve issues at the energetic root. This is why you keep coming back here. That, or the funny pictures. I’ll keep using funny pictures, just in case.
Back the hell off
There’s a reason that the more you focus on a problem, the more elusive the solution seems to be. The reason is that the frequency of a problem is different from the frequency of its solution. So, as long as you’re adding to the energy of the question, you can’t receive the answer. You have to re-tune yourself to the frequency of what you want. You have to get ready to receive the clarity you’re looking for. And the only way to do that is to back off from focusing so intently on your issue. As long as you’re thinking “I don’t know what I want! What do I want? How can I figure out what I want?”, you’re not going to figure it out.
If you’re vibrating at the frequency of what you don’t want, or of not having what you want, the perfect solution could slap you right in the face and you wouldn’t recognize it. If you’re not a match to the solution, it will pass you right by. Just take a little break from obsessing over figuring this out.
Stop looking for the finish line. You can’t see it. Ever.
When searching for our life path, most of us will make the mistake of trying to figure it all out. We want to know how our lives will play out from now until we die. How will this decision affect me in twenty years? What will this mean for my kids down the line? Is there a long-term future for me on this path? How much money can I make if I do this? How exactly will I make this money? We want to see the finish line.
Except, here’s the thing that no one ever told us: we can’t see the finish line. Ever. That’s because the finish line doesn’t stay in one place. As we go through life, making decisions, adding to the energy of what we want, creating and receiving our reality, setting and achieving various goals, that finish line keeps moving. Every time we take a step towards the end goal, the finish line moves one step further away.
Let’s say that you have a crappy car, and you’ve set your sights on getting a new Honda. You’d love a car where everything works, where the windows and doors are automatic, where the upholstery is new, and where the whole car has that new car smell. When you finally get the Honda, you’re ecstatic. For a while. But then you notice that the car isn’t all that powerful when you go up hills, and you realize that you’d really like a 4 wheel drive. You notice that the beautiful shiny black color you chose shows off the tiniest bit of dirt, and you end up washing the damn car every three days. Even though the air conditioning is great, you’d really love it if you could open the roof on nice Summer days. You realize that what you REALLY want is a Jeep. When you get the Jeep, you’re ecstatic. For a while. Then, you notice… Do you see where I’m going with this? Our desires keep on expanding. The finish line keeps moving.
Right now, all you can see and focus on is that Honda. You have no way of knowing what desires owning and driving that car will lead to, or what the next car will cause you to want, and so on. Will you ultimately end up with a Ferrari or an electric car? Perhaps you’ll end up on an island and travel everywhere by bicycle. How could you possibly know? You can’t. That’s the point. So stop trying to figure out your entire life right now.
You can’t ever see the finish line. But you can see and focus on the next milestone. That would be the Honda, in this analogy, in case you missed it. In terms of a life path, the next milestone is that idea you had or that thing your intuition told you to do. Stop worrying about where it will lead. Stop looking for your next activity to be the one that answers all of your questions. The next activity is the one that will lead to the next activity, which will lead to the next activity, which will lead you to the thing that rings all of your bells.
Raise your vibration to get clarity
Each vibrational frequency comes with a certain level of clarity. The higher the frequency, the more clarity you have access to. So, if you want to gain a greater perspective and receive more answers, you’ll need to raise your vibration.
In this case, the best way to do that is to get off the damn subject of finding your life path (back off) and go focus on something else that already makes you feel good for a little while. It doesn’t matter what that subject is. The idea is simply to feel better. That better feeling is your indicator that you’ve raised your vibration. So, when you feel stable in that new higher vibration, when you feel well and truly better, you can go back to the whole life path question and take a new look at it. You’ll now have a new perspective – you’ll have access to answers you couldn’t see before.
Focus on the essence of what you want
At this point, you’re still not ready to get into details. If you focus too specifically on the issue, you’ll end up right where you started. So, put down the laser pointer and the spread sheets, already. You’ve probably heard that if you look at what you don’t want, this can help you figure out what you do want – generally its opposite. This is true. Only, you don’t want to focus on specifics, but rather on the essence of what you don’t and do want.
Let’s look at an example: You’re in an office job. You hate your butthole boss, your co-workers are lazy and boring and the work is uninspiring. Now, you could say that you hate your boss and you wish you had a nicer boss. You hate your coworkers and you wish you had exciting, fun, inspiring coworkers. You hate your job and you wish you had a more rewarding job. Only, I’ll bet that you’ve done that exercise already and got stuck on the part where you now come up with what that more rewarding job could be. That’s because you were doing it wrong.
Instead of focusing on the details of your current job and using them to try and figure out the details of your next one, focus on the feelings. What does your current job feel like – emotionally? Are you bored? Are you uninspired? Do you get angry? Do you feel powerless? It doesn’t matter why you feel that way, just identify those negative feelings.
Now, you can use that list to figure out what you’d like to feel like. Inspired, excited, like you’re making a contribution, like you have a say in the decisions, etc. Perhaps what you want is a job that allows you the freedom to be with your family more. You want a job that makes you feel free, instead of locked in. If your current job doesn’t allow you to make many decisions (perhaps you’re in middle management), then you could be looking for the feeling of empowerment and validation. Do you feel insecure in your current job? Then you’re most likely looking for the feeling of security.
Remember that you do not have to try and figure out HOW you will get all of those things. Most people, when asked to do this exercise, will immediately censor all of their answers. “I want freedom. Oh, but how the hell can I feel freedom when I’m working for someone else? My boss would never allow me to work from home…” Stop that! Just allow yourself to focus on the feelings of what you want and actually experience them for a while. What would it feel like to have a job that allows me to work whatever hours are convenient for me? What would it feel like to not be afraid of getting laid off anymore? What would it feel like to love my work and be passionate about it? Don’t censor, just experience it. Give yourself full, unbridled permission to daydream and do this on a regular basis.
By following this exercise, you are actually tuning yourself to the frequency of what you want – the vibration of freedom, security, passion, etc. Do this consistently, and the Law of Attraction will begin to bring you circumstances and events that match those feelings and will lead you further down the path. That next milestone will be revealed.
Have the balls to go for the next milestone
Having raised your vibration and having tuned yourself consistently to the frequency of what you want, you’ll begin to get some impulses or insights. These are those milestones we talked about. It’s at this point that a lot of people make a huge mistake – they begin to get scared. They go back to wanting to see the entire path laid out before them, instead of just running toward the next milestone. They judge the milestone against the criteria of what they want that finish line to be and find that it comes up short. And then they give up and stay exactly where they are.
Using the office job example from above, let’s say you’ve raised your vibration, and then started to focus regularly and consistently on the feeling of what you want, without getting into any details. And then you get the impulse to go for a job in a different department. The job pays pretty much the same and you don’t really have all the skills you need. But you have this strong feeling that you should apply. You begin to think that maybe you’re not really qualified, that you might make a fool of yourself, that the similar pay isn’t really worth the hassle, that changing departments might send a message of disloyalty and leave you more vulnerable to lay-offs, etc. Also, you keep thinking of all those great feelings you want, and well, this new job just doesn’t fit the criteria. It’s not a work at home job. It doesn’t pay any better. And you can’t see how it would be more secure. It doesn’t match the finish line. So, you stay where you are.
What you didn’t know is that this job was a stepping stone that would’ve allowed you to be promoted into a much better paying position and allowed you to work at home within six months. Even though the pay was the same, the boss was much nicer, the work was more inspiring and the coworkers were way cooler. Not only that, but this new job was just a stepping stone to running your own division, a job that came with stock options, which turned into major moolah once the company went public, something you didn’t even know was a possibility. So instead of lying on a beach somewhere two years from now and slurping drinks out of a coconut while your kids learn to surf, you’re still stuck in your cubicle, wondering if a noose made of paperclips could bear the load of your weight and looking for the damn finish line.
You’ve got to have the balls to follow through on your intuitive impulses. If something feels good, if it feels right, stop analyzing it to death. Stop judging it. Just do it. Go for it. It’s the next step, the next milestone on your way to that finish line you can’t see (so stop looking already. I know you’re still doing it.) The first time you follow your gut, it’ll be scary as hell. Trust me, I know that. But every time you take a step in the right direction and notice how things get just a little bit better, how you’re lining up more and more with what you want, little by little, you’ll begin to trust your intuition. Each subsequent step will become easier until you can’t imagine NOT following your inner voice. You’ll get to the point where if something feels right, you do it, no matter how scary it is. Because after you’ve successfully passed a few milestones, you’ll KNOW that you’re on the right path, even if you can’t see the finish line.
Now it’s your turn: Have you followed your intuition and reached for some milestones? Looking back, can you see how some of your scariest decisions ended up being the best ones? Can you see how the steps you’ve taken lead to you where you are today, a place you could never have envisioned before getting here? Share your experiences in the comments!
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