It’s a parent’s job to worry. When the kids are little, they worry that they’ll screw them up for life. When they’re adults, mom and dad worry that they could’ve or should’ve done countless things differently. Could they have spared their children pain? Did their decisions cause irreparable scars in their offspring, forever condemning them to an emotionally stunted life of never ending resentment? Parents worry that they could’ve done a better job. They blame themselves for any issues their children have. And children love to blame their parents for their problems. If only they had done this or that, been this way or that way, life would’ve surely been much easier. But I’m going to let the parents off the hook here. They are not to blame. Here’s why:
First, you have no way of knowing how your or your child’s life would’ve turned out, had things gone differently. You may think that you know, but can you say with 100% certainty that life would’ve been better? A lot of the time, we assume that if we’d made a decision differently in the past, problems would’ve been avoided. But the thing is, you have no idea what crap you avoided by making or being subject to the decisions you or your parents made. Perhaps, had you all not acted the way you did, life would’ve been much, much worse. The point is, you can’t know what would’ve happened and you never will. Why assume you or your parents made a mistake or that the path you were on wasn’t the best of the choices?
Second, the past is the past and can’t be changed. All the dissecting and blaming and worrying will not change anything that has already happened. But you can certainly mess up your present and your future by continuously judging your own or your parents’ past behavior. Does it feel good to think about your life this way? Does it serve you to blame yourself or your parents? No. And if something doesn’t feel good, it doesn’t serve you. So stop it. Leave the past in the past and focus on creating the present you really want.
And third, and most importantly, no one can create another’s reality. Not even your parents. Parents and children are in this together – they are co-creating their realities. The mother and father may think that they are making the decisions for the family, but just because their kids can’t verbally express their desires (and may, in fact even be expressing the opposite), their vibration is doing the talking for them. If the parents are following their intuition, they will be following a collective intuition – one that matches both their and their children’s vibration.
For example, when I was 9, my mother moved my sister and me from Germany to the US. This was a major life decision and one which impacted all of us for the rest of our lives. One might assume that my mother, being the parent, made the decision to move continents, and my sister and I had no choice. But one would be wrong. If you look at this from a deeper, energy-based perspective, my sister and I could never have moved to America if we were not a vibrational match to it. My mother was following her intuition, but that intuition was in line with ours. And even if we bitched and complained about changing schools and towns and having to learn a new language, our vibration was in agreement. Even if we didn’t vote verbally, we did so vibrationally. In the reality that we all shared, we were all a match to making that move.
Children are powerful creative beings, often more powerful than adults, because they haven’t been as trained out of remembering who they are yet. We have to give them credit for who and what they are. We do not get more powerful with age and experience. In fact, we often lose clarity over time. Your kids created everything in their lives, wanted and unwanted, just like you did. You could not have asserted something onto them that they were not a vibrational match to. It’s simply impossible for that to happen.
If you’ve been blaming your parents for past wrongs, you’d be well served to give it a break. I’m not saying that you don’t have any healing left to do, that’s a different story altogether. But part of realizing your own power is understanding that you create your own reality – all of it. And you always have. You aligned with your parents because of the energy you put forth before you were born. You sent out intentions and vibrations and your parents were a match to that. Everything that happened to you from then on, was part of your creation. Now, this may not seem plausible, if you had a less than happy childhood, but remember that you were almost certainly creating by default. You had no idea that you had the power to create and therefore, much of your reality may have seemed less than wanted. But rest assured, it was your creation. And even if some of it was painful, there was a reason for all of it.
But what about if you had an abusive parent? Isn’t it perfectly understandable that you would blame them? Understandable, yes. But it doesn’t serve you. The goal is not to “win”, by showing everyone how right you are and how wrong they were. The goal is to be happy and to consciously create the reality of your choosing. And in order for that to happen, you have to forgive past hurts and accept that ultimately, it’s all your responsibility.
This is an all or nothing situation. You either create your reality or you don’t. If you do, your parents cannot also have created it for you. They were a match to your vibration and creation, as you were a match to theirs, but you were and are each responsible for your own reality.
Of course, now that you’re beginning to realize who you really are, you can change your reality. You can create something quite different. Blaming others, even your parents for anything that’s happened in your life is a sign that you haven’t completely understood your own power yet. This doesn’t mean you should blame yourself. There’s no reason to assign blame to anyone. It means that if you’re willing to take FULL responsibility for your life, all of it, you will begin to see how you can create a completely different one.
* This post is dedicated to my mom.
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